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Old 09-10-2014, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
3,145 posts, read 2,831,940 times
Reputation: 2858

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
I do believe in making the best of where you are and building toward the future.
This isn't an attack on you, M. What you said reminded me of something. I can't stand the saying, "Bloom where you're planted". The phrase is bs. Some people just don't feel like a city is "home" as much as they try. I am not looking to make an irresponsible move. I have spent a very long time doing research on locations. I want to finally set down roots and live out my years. I have been moving my whole life. It was fun when I was younger but decades later, I am burned out on starting over again.

As you said, I have employment security so I can stay here for a number of years and tug along with the mediocre. At this stage, I don't know if I want to do that.
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Old 09-10-2014, 11:19 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,312,131 times
Reputation: 7524
BCB, if you can swing it, maybe vacationing in the areas where you might want to end up? You're young so you have plenty of time to investigate.

BTW that phrase IS bs, I totally agree.
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Old 09-10-2014, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Orlando
2,003 posts, read 2,644,275 times
Reputation: 7651
I completely disagree that "bloom where you're planted" is BS. I think people can be happy just about wherever they are, if they decide to be happy. I believe that home is wherever you decide home is. If you commit to living in a place, and involve yourself in your community, and put down roots, it's home. Doesn't much matter where that is.

Seems to me the OP is looking for Shangri-La, Utopia, Brigadoon ... Note that those are all fictional places. The moral of the story is: No place is perfect, and you'll drive yourself nuts if you try to find a place that is.

Home is not something you discover; home is something you create.
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Old 09-10-2014, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,853,880 times
Reputation: 6379
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluecarebear View Post
This isn't an attack on you, M. What you said reminded me of something. I can't stand the saying, "Bloom where you're planted". The phrase is bs. Some people just don't feel like a city is "home" as much as they try. I am not looking to make an irresponsible move. I have spent a very long time doing research on locations. I want to finally set down roots and live out my years. I have been moving my whole life. It was fun when I was younger but decades later, I am burned out on starting over again.

As you said, I have employment security so I can stay here for a number of years and tug along with the mediocre. At this stage, I don't know if I want to do that.

BcB this is the fun time to think about that. DW wanted to move when we retired and I was adament that I was going to stay put. One big snow storm 2 years ago and I now can't wait to move. Go figure. You have lots of time. Don't stress on it yet. As CCc said visit places with an eye towards the future but don't become enamored with any one place.

Some of the things you can do is make a list of things you need, and things you would like. Also add to that things that you do not want at all. Then consider family and friends, services like doctors and auto mechanics. Put numbers to them as to the level at the locations of your short list. This will help you decide if moving is for you.
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:16 PM
 
1,227 posts, read 1,261,865 times
Reputation: 4310
Hi BCB,

I understand your thinking as I, too, felt that way at your age. I had lived in several cities/states and I wanted to find the place I wanted to be forever. I chose Orlando, Florida as my spot. I loved it there. To this day I am very happy that I lived there and had a wonderful life there.

The problem with life is that you cannot see down the road. You can only know what is happening in the now. As I've said before, Florida is the home of my heart. But life changed for me. Circumstances forced me to move out of Florida. I didn't want to move, I hadn't planned on moving, but it was the best decision.

I am now living in a city that I don't particularly enjoy. I earn my living here and that is important. I make the best of the weather and the amenities.

One day I will move again when I am ready to retire and I am in the next stage of my life. Maybe Florida will be perfect for me again. Maybe it won't be. No matter what, to my mind, this will not be "starting over". It will be a continuation of my life.

I think what people are trying to tell you is that it is very difficult to find someplace that is going to meet all of your needs, all of the time, throughout many multiple years. We have to be flexible and accept that change is constant.

So, find a place that feels right for you now. And enjoy it. And if it meets all of your needs forever, you will have been very blessed.
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:33 PM
 
2,079 posts, read 2,606,726 times
Reputation: 3947
i don't have anything nailed down, as i am still decades away from retirement. but here are my options

-staying in nh(no sales or income tax)
-myrtle beach, sc(beach & used to live there)
-florida(preferably the keys)
-Wyoming(for low population density and scenery)
-Colorado(scenery)
-Mississippi(low cost of living)

I'm not too worried about it. i have years to decide where i wanna go.
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Old 09-10-2014, 12:37 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,312,131 times
Reputation: 7524
^^^ good points, duo and LaFl.

BcB, we thought we would be here forever, then health problems made it quite clear that our house is not the place to age gracefully, and like duo said, winters were tolerable a few years ago but they are not getting any easier and we're not getting any younger.

Think clearly about location, weather and proximity to the hospitals and docs. You don't think of that now but you will need to in twenty or thirty years.

I am so thankful my parents got me the AARP magazine when I was in my forties to start preparing for the future. You are smart to begin now.
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Old 09-10-2014, 01:27 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 884,918 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by WellShoneMoon View Post
I completely disagree that "bloom where you're planted" is BS. I think people can be happy just about wherever they are, if they decide to be happy. I believe that home is wherever you decide home is. If you commit to living in a place, and involve yourself in your community, and put down roots, it's home. Doesn't much matter where that is.

Seems to me the OP is looking for Shangri-La, Utopia, Brigadoon ... Note that those are all fictional places. The moral of the story is: No place is perfect, and you'll drive yourself nuts if you try to find a place that is.

Home is not something you discover; home is something you create.
I don't think "Bloom Where You're Planted" is BS. I do believe that wherever you go, there you are. If you are basically an unhappy person in one place, you will likely be if you pick up and move. It's generally, though not always, the case. But I do believe that there are parts of a person that might not bloom just anywhere. I don't believe that "bloom where you're planted" should be an excuse not to try to find a place where you feel you belong, in a physical sense. I don't believe feeling that one doesn't belong somewhere is an excuse NOT to thrive, or achieve, or commit either. I just think there is nothing wrong with knowing what you love and wanting to find it/be there. I don't always think being comfortable or even sensible should be more important than finding surroundings that please a person.

Home IS something you create. I have created a happy home for my family. Home is really my first priority--it's a lot of who I am. For some more than others there is a physical connection to home; it's a tangible thing. Beyond all else, home is where my family is, and that's why I am still here in a place that ONLY practicality and sayings like "bloom where you're planted" could keep me. I can list off every wonderful thing about this place. I can list for you the things about living here that I would miss, that other places don't have. We have built a pretty great life here! But this is not where I belong. Nothing wrong with this place, and nothing wrong with me either, lol.

And the fact is, the OP doesn't have to wait until it's too late to figure that out. I would suggest always being open to something new, and not being so committed to the idea of staying someplace "forever" that you would miss other wonderful opportunities. But if you can find your spot and stick with it, I think that's a wonderful thing if it's important to you.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a place you love. No place is perfect. No PLACE will fix who you are, or aren't. No place is Shangri-La, Utopia, Brigadoon. As for the places I would have liked to have lived, I am VERY familiar with their shortcomings. Everything is a tradeoff.

But a person isn't silly for wanting to find a place that feels like home, if everything else is in order. Everyone has different priorities.

Last edited by Montanama; 09-10-2014 at 02:28 PM..
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Old 09-10-2014, 01:35 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 884,918 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
Hi BCB,

I understand your thinking as I, too, felt that way at your age. I had lived in several cities/states and I wanted to find the place I wanted to be forever. I chose Orlando, Florida as my spot. I loved it there. To this day I am very happy that I lived there and had a wonderful life there.

The problem with life is that you cannot see down the road. You can only know what is happening in the now. As I've said before, Florida is the home of my heart. But life changed for me. Circumstances forced me to move out of Florida. I didn't want to move, I hadn't planned on moving, but it was the best decision.

I am now living in a city that I don't particularly enjoy. I earn my living here and that is important. I make the best of the weather and the amenities.

One day I will move again when I am ready to retire and I am in the next stage of my life. Maybe Florida will be perfect for me again. Maybe it won't be. No matter what, to my mind, this will not be "starting over". It will be a continuation of my life.

I think what people are trying to tell you is that it is very difficult to find someplace that is going to meet all of your needs, all of the time, throughout many multiple years. We have to be flexible and accept that change is constant.

So, find a place that feels right for you now. And enjoy it. And if it meets all of your needs forever, you will have been very blessed.
Well, this will sound ridiculous, but viewing our next home not as "starting over" but rather as a continuation is rather a revelation for me today, LookingatFL. I had always wanted what the OP seems to want--sort of a "forever" home--and would still like to at least be able to retire to a place that my children feel they are coming "home" to, which in some ways is just no longer in the cards. But you're right to observe that it's not tossing out everything that came before and starting over--it's just continuing on.

I still want to find the place that makes me smile when I come home (I smile when I come home now, but not because of the place, lol), the place where I exhale when I see it. KWIM? Not a perfect place, not one with no shortcomings or trade-offs, just comfortable, a good fit.

I am happy that you recognize Orlando as the home of your heart--I think OP is just also hoping to find that place, as am I. Life happens and it's true it might not last forever, but knowing where it is at all is significant imo.
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Old 09-10-2014, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
3,145 posts, read 2,831,940 times
Reputation: 2858
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
No PLACE will fix who you are, or aren't. No place is Shangri-La, Utopia, Brigadoon.

Yes, I understand that. But there are cities that are better than others depending upon the individual's likes. I don't understand why people think those that move around are miserable. I learned a lot about the country. More than most.
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