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Have had several relatives like that or "blood money suckers" as I call it.
Actually one or two got screwed out of the money because in one case the daughter was slowly draining her father's accounts before he was gone. He didn't know it because he trusted her and was blind.
In anther case the son gambled away the inheritance and no one knew until they were trying to "follow the money."
"Don't count your chickens before their hatched."
Wise advice....
We're in a situation where we have to wait for land to sell to settle the estate. "Experts" put the value of it at 600K...and it's not selling because of zoning laws... and it might sell tomorrow....but it might sell never.
But we'd give it all up to have our mom back.
HOWEVER. We've witnessed a number of people who've had to deal with money-grubbing relatives or siblings... very unpleasant.
One is leaching money off her mom as fast as she can get hands on it.
Another had to go through the heartbreak of her family falling apart when a couple of her siblings "borrowed" from Dad over and over, with no intention of paying it back, and then Dad died. That's when they found out Dad accounted for what they owed via inheritance, and those siblings can't get over how unfair it was the shares weren't equal.
I think attitudes about money are established long before Mother turned 88. In fact, I would bet Mother, whether conscious or unconsciously, set this type of thing in motion long before she arrive at 88. I bet she knew exactly what she was doing.
My siblings couldn't have my mother pass away in her own home because "how would it be for poooor sister to live there knowing Mom died there ..... put her in a hospice.
Sister gets 20 years exclusive use of house in Mom's will. Suddenly house belongs to all siblings, and sister's gotta have money to fix it. I said don't come to me. Your house, your bills. I am sooo mean.
My friend's father passed away just over a year ago, before that, many years before, the eldest sister was put in charge of their father's finances. So it was the elder sister, then a brother, then my friend.
After a while the family started realizing the sister's kids were getting all sorts of things, cars, expensive electronics, etc. Even though the sister married a wealthy man, they knew he wasn't buying those things for his kids.
Come to find the oldest sister was using the money from her inheritance basically.
My friend and her brother confronted the sister and after her getting mad they basically found she spent at least $20k of their father's money. Her own husband was angry at her and the siblings ended up demanding total transparency of their father's accounts. When he passed, they divided everything up 3 ways and subtracted what the eldest sister took. Which I'm sure was more than $20k...
I was like how disgusting! I could never steal from my own parents NOR could I take from my siblings... My mom put me in charge of everything and I had her put together a will and living trust and write out who got what in terms of properties and then how the money will be divided (3 ways of course). My bro and sis trust me and I'd never betray that trust!
My friend's father passed away just over a year ago, before that, many years before, the eldest sister was put in charge of their father's finances. So it was the elder sister, then a brother, then my friend.
After a while the family started realizing the sister's kids were getting all sorts of things, cars, expensive electronics, etc. Even though the sister married a wealthy man, they knew he wasn't buying those things for his kids.
Come to find the oldest sister was using the money from her inheritance basically.
My friend and her brother confronted the sister and after her getting mad they basically found she spent at least $20k of their father's money. Her own husband was angry at her and the siblings ended up demanding total transparency of their father's accounts. When he passed, they divided everything up 3 ways and subtracted what the eldest sister took. Which I'm sure was more than $20k...
I was like how disgusting! I could never steal from my own parents NOR could I take from my siblings... My mom put me in charge of everything and I had her put together a will and living trust and write out who got what in terms of properties and then how the money will be divided (3 ways of course). My bro and sis trust me and I'd never betray that trust!
Either people have a sense of integrity or they don't. Like you, I just can't understand how people steal from their own siblings and take advantage of their own parents, even if they don't like them. It is disgusting. I feel fortunate that my sister shares my sense of honesty and that we cooperated fully and openly in the aftermath of our mother's death. We wished our mother had spent more on herself and we never counted on an inheritance. But it was our mother's wish to provide us one, and that remains touching even nine years after her death.
Lovnova,
My sister and I received an inheritance from our parents, whom both passed away. We spoke nothing of it when they were alive, and I didn't ever even think about it. It did not come until several years after they were gone.
I would give all the money back , and so would my sister, to have our parents back. The money does not bring happiness. It can bring a lot more stress, when you never had any money and then you have a large amount - how to invest it!?
You have a right to say politely to your relatives what you think. They will learn in time , money does not bring happiness. I have heard several sad, sad stories that I could not believe of siblings fighting for the money and estate. One home across the street from me was seized by the state because the siblings could not agree who would get the home. Another friend of mine, spent all his inheritance in less than one year, and now struggles financially.
Definately speak to your relatives, and tell them to enjoy the person while they are living! My family was very close, and I am use my inheritance trying to do what my father would approve of.
My friend's father passed away just over a year ago, before that, many years before, the eldest sister was put in charge of their father's finances. So it was the elder sister, then a brother, then my friend.
After a while the family started realizing the sister's kids were getting all sorts of things, cars, expensive electronics, etc. Even though the sister married a wealthy man, they knew he wasn't buying those things for his kids.
Come to find the oldest sister was using the money from her inheritance basically.
My friend and her brother confronted the sister and after her getting mad they basically found she spent at least $20k of their father's money. Her own husband was angry at her and the siblings ended up demanding total transparency of their father's accounts. When he passed, they divided everything up 3 ways and subtracted what the eldest sister took. Which I'm sure was more than $20k...
I was like how disgusting! I could never steal from my own parents NOR could I take from my siblings... My mom put me in charge of everything and I had her put together a will and living trust and write out who got what in terms of properties and then how the money will be divided (3 ways of course). My bro and sis trust me and I'd never betray that trust!
There are 6 kids in my family, and we have one sister who would have TOTALLY done that. Thankfully, my parents would have never in a billion years given her power of attorney over their assets.
I don't know why anyone lets their children anywhere near their accounts. Let a broker or money manager do it.
Mt brother got in a jam last month and had to borrow $40K from my mom (very unusual circumstances). The broker told her he had an ethical obligation to ask why she needed the money, and she told him. He was making sure that she was protected and not sending it to a Nigerian prince or being blackmailed.
I thought that was cool. Leave financial matters to the experts.
.
If I knew my son felt the way these two greedy people are,
I would cut him completely out of the will.
Exactly the way I would feel.
We have 2 daughters, in their late 30's, married, and the mothers of our 6 grandchildren. When we moved to Maine this past spring, both daughters got the bulk of their inheritance. They had not been expecting this, but with children in their teens and college coming up, we felt the $$$ would be of more use to them now, than in the future. We have plenty for ourselves, and have reduced our home size and living expenses. It is very likely our girls will inherit more later on, but they have the bulk of it now.
As for their in-laws (husbands' parents), they are on their own with that!
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Your house, your bills. I am sooo mean.
