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We have 2 daughters, in their late 30's, married, and the mothers of our 6 grandchildren. When we moved to Maine this past spring, both daughters got the bulk of their inheritance. They had not been expecting this, but with children in their teens and college coming up, we felt the $$$ would be of more use to them now, than in the future. We have plenty for ourselves, and have reduced our home size and living expenses. It is very likely our girls will inherit more later on, but they have the bulk of it now.
As for their in-laws (husbands' parents), they are on their own with that!
Aren't you at all concerned that you might need it someday? What if you or your spouse becomes severely disabled and you need to pay for 24hr care etc..?
Would your kids return the funds if you needed them?
We have 2 daughters, in their late 30's, married, and the mothers of our 6 grandchildren. When we moved to Maine this past spring, both daughters got the bulk of their inheritance. They had not been expecting this, but with children in their teens and college coming up, we felt the $$$ would be of more use to them now, than in the future. We have plenty for ourselves, and have reduced our home size and living expenses. It is very likely our girls will inherit more later on, but they have the bulk of it now.
As for their in-laws (husbands' parents), they are on their own with that!
I personally think you did an awesome thing. I know people who set up trusts for their children and there are guidelines to take the funds but at least, you as parents aren't worried if a crisis comes up and your children can make wiser decisions knowing that they don't have to worry about the future.
You as the grandparents can enjoy the fruits of your hard earned funds.
Note: I had it the "other" way where - at the age of 15 - had to go to work to support my parents. It went on for 27 years. A lot of my dreams were put on hold. Someday, I want to revisit those dreams but I'm still paying off things for them!!! It's OK.
Second Note: So when our adult daughter picked up our Thanksgiving meal, I told her that was lovely and let her do it. She felt good (I felt great!!).
I would tell your sister and her husband that they need to manage their own money better so they're not dependent on someone's death. I'm also surprised they care so little about the parent in question.
$200K is a nice sum but that's not enough to make anyone wealthy. Whatever financial problems they have, they'll have again within a few years. Possibly as few as 1-2 years if they don't manage money well.
I got a life insurance benefit of $125K when my dad died. That was a nice sum - I used it to pay my student loans off and make a big enough down-payment on a house to make my payment actually 15% lower than what I paid in rent before, so I spend about $75K of it total. Rent and student loans were definitely a problem for me, but I was surviving. I would have had the same things in about 7 years according to the financial planning I was using. Now I just have it earlier.
I would give it all back to have my dad there just one more Christmas.
Our mother actually didn't have more than SS when she retired but, with 9 children, she had a lot of stuf. We all took the things we'd given her that we wanted and the rest went to Goodwill. We encouraged her to spend what she had and that none of us needed her money.
An 88 year old in reasonably good health could easily live another 10 years or more. If they need any assisted living or healthcare, the money will be totally gone and the parent will be dependent on Medicaid.
So very true, and that's what the kids would deserve. When I worked in banking, I saw elderly people's nest eggs depleted by long term care more than a few times.
Without going into all the details. My sister-in-law and her husband have for years been kind of hinting/waiting around impatiently for a inheritance of about $200K from a 88 year old living parent. That is before the parent is even deceased. Its a nice gift to receive something, but I can't stand the way they act now about it.
Anyone run into this kind of thing. I would like to give them a piece of my mind.
My ex-wives family was like this and it was sad. They all had this notion that he had a million dollars and a mansion worth about that much and even divided up 4 ways (among his daughters), that it was going to be a financial windfall to bail out everyones poor financial situations.
The joke of it was that when their dad passed away, he had already pissed through about half of the cash his last 3 years of life (he had a very good time), the mansion was a wreck that no one wanted for more than 300k because of all the work needed to make it livable, and one of the children had the bright idea to put most of the antique furniture into an estate auction which netted a shockingly low amount of cash (they were essentially robbed by the auction house - I think they sold a mansion full of nice antique furniture for perhaps 2-3k total.). When all was said and done, the only people that came out well were the two older daughters who took off with their dads nice cars the day of his funeral without gaining agreement from their sisters on appraised value!
Having seen now 4 sets of grandparents pass away and in each of the situations their children fighting/arguing over who gets what, I just don't have high hopes for anyone having a happy situation resulting from such inheritances. It would seem that no one ever has an ironclad Will that covers all situations and that no matter how close siblings may appear to be that when their parents die fighting over the inheritance comes natural.
My advice, and I state this only with wisdom of experience behind me, is to make sure everyone understands and lives like there is not likely to be any inheritance post taxes, post lawyers, post all the other nonsense. Better that people expect nothing and get something than the other way around.
Last edited by belovenow; 11-29-2014 at 07:41 PM..
Without going into all the details. My sister-in-law and her husband have for years been kind of hinting/waiting around impatiently for a inheritance of about $200K from a 88 year old living parent. That is before the parent is even deceased. Its a nice gift to receive something, but I can't stand the way they act now about it.
Anyone run into this kind of thing. I would like to give them a piece of my mind.
I know this is a difficult situation, but is it really your business to say anything? You're talking about a sister-in-law, not a sister...and I assume the 88 year old parent is hers or her husbands, not yours.
We have 2 daughters, in their late 30's, married, and the mothers of our 6 grandchildren. When we moved to Maine this past spring, both daughters got the bulk of their inheritance. They had not been expecting this, but with children in their teens and college coming up, we felt the $$$ would be of more use to them now, than in the future. We have plenty for ourselves, and have reduced our home size and living expenses. It is very likely our girls will inherit more later on, but they have the bulk of it now.
As for their in-laws (husbands' parents), they are on their own with that!
I have recently been trying to calculate out just how far I can go with this idea since I don't have 'plenty' for myself given there's no pension and only a fixed amount and inflation and my life span are a huge ??s
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I love that you did this....
