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Old 01-06-2015, 07:26 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,744 posts, read 7,025,154 times
Reputation: 14219

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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Wish I could claim authorship of this. Found it some years ago and I have no idea if anybody has ever claimed authorship but most of us can surely relate. Enjoy.
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You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.



My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.



Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?



When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted
from you?





P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
That's the funniest thing I've seen all day! Loved the last one.

Makes me think of the little rose that the sweet young thing had tattooed on her breast- became a long-stemmed rose in her old age.
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Old 01-06-2015, 07:37 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,129,272 times
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Well when us guys lose our hair, no one else' hair replaces it (unless someone thinks wearing a rug is a replacement).
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Old 01-06-2015, 10:45 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,467,321 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
Well when us guys lose our hair, no one else' hair replaces it (unless someone thinks wearing a rug is a replacement).
We don't lose it. Gravity works and over time it travels south and one morning we discover that it's taken up residence in our eyebrows, noses and ears.

Next up our cheeks also head south and become jowls. Not to be outdone our chests follow the crowd and we find them where our waists used to be.

I think the final indignity is when our fannies fall off, never to be seen again.
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Old 01-06-2015, 10:59 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,843 posts, read 14,349,419 times
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Funny! And true. Sigh.
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Old 01-07-2015, 04:31 AM
 
672 posts, read 837,449 times
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Thank you so much for a great laugh this morning!!!
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Old 01-08-2015, 07:44 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,467,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelassie View Post
Makes me think of the little rose that the sweet young thing had tattooed on her breast- became a long-stemmed rose in her old age.
Very cute. Makes me wonder where all those stripper bar codes/tramp stamps that were popular 20-30 years ago will reside in old age. It hurts to think about it.

And consider those who have whole books inked on various parts of their bodies - think Megan Fox. What are they going to read in 40 years or more years?
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Old 01-08-2015, 08:09 AM
 
Location: In a daze
244 posts, read 218,645 times
Reputation: 918
[I think those same thieves stole the perkiness from my wife's boobs.]

I often ask my DW's friends, "Do you know what's between my wife's boobs?" When they say no, I tell them her navel!

Please, no slams. It's just a light-hearted attempt at humor. She is fine with it, and laughs along.
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Old 01-09-2015, 01:11 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,744 posts, read 7,025,154 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Very cute. Makes me wonder where all those stripper bar codes/tramp stamps that were popular 20-30 years ago will reside in old age. It hurts to think about it.

And consider those who have whole books inked on various parts of their bodies - think Megan Fox. What are they going to read in 40 years or more years?
Taxes the imagination, for sure! But those whole books will be libraries in 40 years, I'd think!

That or the books will be hidden under the shelves, depending on where they were located in the first place.
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