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Old 01-05-2015, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,786,752 times
Reputation: 47259

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Wish I could claim authorship of this. Found it some years ago and I have no idea if anybody has ever claimed authorship but most of us can surely relate. Enjoy.
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You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.



My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.



Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?



When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted
from you?





P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
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Old 01-05-2015, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Waco, TX
253 posts, read 400,673 times
Reputation: 167
Okay now that was funny! I'm a woman, by the way!
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:03 AM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
6,905 posts, read 3,843,445 times
Reputation: 16357
That is hilarious!
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Old 01-06-2015, 02:00 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, California
118 posts, read 128,066 times
Reputation: 619
So very funny, and so very true.

In my case those pesky theives weren't content with the thighs, butt & arms, but they also went for my face. When I woke up one morning they had replaced the wonderful firm skin with crinkly tissue paper, and when they did it they forgot to replace my lips and just drew on a thin line with red sharpie. Gasp!
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:11 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,976 posts, read 3,462,838 times
Reputation: 10509
Can't quit laughing long enough to make a comment.
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:13 AM
 
71,651 posts, read 71,777,271 times
Reputation: 49240
i left my heart in san francisco, and my kidneys in la la la la
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:42 AM
Status: "Amityville Summer" (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: in my living room
1,131 posts, read 1,872,343 times
Reputation: 1723
that is just too funny!
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Old 01-06-2015, 01:52 PM
 
13 posts, read 11,610 times
Reputation: 17
Default Thanks for the memories!

Thanks for the lighthearted memories! Especially with the part about the arms! That is exactly what happened to me! LOL!
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:49 PM
 
4,574 posts, read 7,062,229 times
Reputation: 4222
that's so very funny and also so true Thanks for the laugh!
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,802 posts, read 3,836,669 times
Reputation: 2499
I was laughing so hard at the P.S. that I couldn't even read it to DH. When I finally got it read he broke out in laughter. That is SO me!
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