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Old 01-27-2015, 12:47 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,228,824 times
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I think anyone who retires, even the Can'tWaiters like me, should plan to mourn the losses.
That's just it. I personally am one of those who doesn't look at it as a loss at all. I'd be GAINING the freedom to do what I want, have my time be all mine. I have plenty of things to go and places to go. Loss of WHAT? -- A place I DON'T want to be 8 hours a day? People's faces I WON'T have to look at. Not doing a job I don't care about. My self esteem and worth are NOT tied up in my job. Retirement: It'a all a plus!
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Old 01-27-2015, 01:08 PM
 
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I feel the same way. There's no loss that I regret. However, at the time of actual retirement, it's good for us to examine what we are losing, even if we are grateful to lose it.

I hope you get to retire sooner rather than later, rdflk. Have you checked out the Frugal Living forum?
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Old 01-27-2015, 02:18 PM
 
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I am about three years away. I don't have an official date, because I'm not sure (nervous) about how much money is "enough," and it seems odd to just stop making money because of an arbitrary date.

I will not miss my job at all from the working standpoint. I am long past the point where I need the job for a sense of accomplishment or any such. I do, however, notice that my place of employment is my community (for good and bad) and it is the only "belonging" that I've had over the years. No family, no mate, and as pleasant as my little town is, I'm not from it, have not had kids in the schools, and don't feel a belonging to it. As my peers are retiring, I think the sense of "my" community will be fading and maybe I won't miss so much. But it does concern me.

I have thought a lot about working two shifts a week in retirement. I don't have plans to move from my house (where I really do belong) and no travel plans that require months off or anything. If I work those two shifts a week, I get paid for three and get pro-rated benefits. So how is this retirement? I would take my pension out in an annuity and have a very good income and could still take trips (my expensive tastes of horse treks) and feel financially secure.

I think it will feel very freeing not to *have* to go to work, to know I can walk away in a minute and be OK. Then, I might just genuinely retire and deal with the loss of community. I think it will be a big serving of the taste I have when I drive home with three weeks off coming up- like a weight off my back. I will see how it goes.

I think anyone planning a major life change would have some trepidation, OP and the rest of us together.
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Old 01-27-2015, 04:20 PM
 
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I am in a similar situation as brightdoglover: no family whatsoever in the whole state. However, I never felt a sense of family at my work. They felt to me more like annoying neighbors who play music too loudly, get drunk in the streets, raise juvenile delinquent children.

I think if you are fortunate enough to feel a sense of work family, then there is no reason not to maintain those connections and friendships when you retire. I can think of one or maybe two people from work with whom I will stay in touch. I don't feel disconnected from them.

For sociable folks (I am *not*), I think it would be easy to develop new communities through similar-interest groups, faith-based organizations, community events, recreation and senior centers, and more.

I would be curious to hear what OP thinks of all this and if anything we have said has been in any way helpful.
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Old 01-27-2015, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Wayward Pines,ID
1,870 posts, read 3,447,043 times
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Volo, I was in a similar situation. I call what you are going through the 'mental hurdle' that you must get over. It can be made up of whatever you are wondering about. In my case it was a combo of leaving a decades long career, moving 1000 miles away knowing not a single soul and a bit of finances. Once you get over it then a calm ensues. Once you actually retire then euphoria ensues.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:19 PM
 
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I am thinking hard about how to establish new community. My co-workers live scattered across three states and, like any community, most connections will end when the work connection ends. There are a couple of people I hope to maintain friendships with.

If I remember, the OP has a church community in his current life and I hope he can re-establish one in his retirement life. Presumably, his new place will have some like-minded people and therefore a really meaningful community starting with church (whereas I have been eyeing a very liberal Unitarian church for some time).

I do find it/think it is hard to re-invent a social life in later years. It seems most people have family and/or mates (for better and worse) and are therefore in a different dynamic than those of us who don't have same. I don't remember OP bringing any of this up, just more a general trepidation of the change. Actually, I'd be interested if OP wants to say, what his trepidation seems to be about. I suppose it is easy to get very comfortable with a routine of work/income/place if it works pretty well for you. Nice problem to have!
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,639 posts, read 4,482,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curmudgette View Post
I am in a similar situation as brightdoglover: no family whatsoever in the whole state. However, I never felt a sense of family at my work. They felt to me more like annoying neighbors who play music too loudly, get drunk in the streets, raise juvenile delinquent children.

I think if you are fortunate enough to feel a sense of work family, then there is no reason not to maintain those connections and friendships when you retire. I can think of one or maybe two people from work with whom I will stay in touch. I don't feel disconnected from them.

For sociable folks (I am *not*), I think it would be easy to develop new communities through similar-interest groups, faith-based organizations, community events, recreation and senior centers, and more.

I would be curious to hear what OP thinks of all this and if anything we have said has been in any way helpful.
You, brightdoglover, and myself must be kindred spirits. We seem to be the same type of people.

Everybody's comments have been very helpful. They really are! They have helped to identify some of the things that are subconsciously tugging at me. And, that I'm "normal" and these are "normal" feelings. I did a real quick re-calculation of my net worth this morning and I'm in better shape than I thought I was.

BUT . . . I can't believe that you would do such a cruel thing to your doggies. How could you do such a terrible thing?

I love my work, (space program), but the early mornings and long commute after 33 years is starting to get old. There are no intimate, personal connections with anyone at work. It's just "work", not a social club. I won't miss anyone there. There is a small group of us who work on the same satellite instrument, but for the most part, I'm sequestered in a little control room by myself taking care of my responsibilities. Then I go home to my two, little rescue pups.

My parents raised us kids to be pretty independent. It's been a mixed blessing. I can't ever remember being lonely, and like doing "stuff", even if it is by myself, (which is the usual case). The 'bad' part is that it is difficult to form life-long, intimate relationships. Of my parent's six kids and our children, I am the only one still left in the area where we were born and raised. The closest family member is almost 500 miles and a seven-hour, one-way drive away.

I have one lady friend, who is also my 'best friend', but we will never marry. That would destroy a beautiful friendship. Even though her family is many states away, her friends are here. She is not looking to move, (but has expressed to me, "What am I going to do about you", in reference to me moving to a new state, probably without her, and her 'missing' me). There is the 'church family', but it's a large church where it's difficult to get to know people intimately, and I go there to worship and serve. No real life-long friendships.

I think ultimately, it is the big change that I'm apprehensive about. I'll be leaving an area where I've spend all of my 64 years, an area I've come to know quite well and whose weather agrees with me - and going to a completely new ecosystem and biome. I'm looking forward to it because I'll be able to do the things I do now, and a whole bunch more new stuff to experience.

So, all in all, I really do appreciate people's comments on this. It truly has been insightful and helpful. It was just something that 'hit' me, but with you're help, it has passed, (at least for now). Thanks all.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:34 PM
 
13,334 posts, read 25,596,053 times
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I look forward to Volo's ongoing dialogue with his future! A bit sad for the lady friend- sounds like she'd like to have things in, well, a different configuration.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,639 posts, read 4,482,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
If I remember, the OP has a church community in his current life and I hope he can re-establish one in his retirement life. Presumably, his new place will have some like-minded people and therefore a really meaningful community starting with church...
Yes, I am expecting to mold into my church roots and denomination in my new home. I've already visited my new, home church a bunch of times on my recon visits and I'll fit in easily. They are normally smaller churches and it is much easier to forge close bonds.

I'll probably have a bunch of social circles, all revolving around physical activities. I'll continue cycling and most cyclists are a friendly bunch, (especially at our age - the testosterone drive has been controlled and we don't really need to prove anything to anybody else). Most shops sponsor weekend group rides for those times when I don't train on my own.

Without having to work, I'll have more time to get my tennis game back on track. Right now, a once every other week lesson with no practice in-between results in head knowledge, but no execution muscle memory. I'm looking to get back into competitive league tennis. Want to get my money's worth out of that lifetime USTA membership.

Another completely different social circle will be the sculling world. The area I'm going to has some very active rowing clubs. Then there's the geocaching, kayaking, and shooting along with wanting to take some university classes in stuff I want to learn about.

Yeah, I'll not want for something to do.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,639 posts, read 4,482,074 times
Reputation: 9101
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I look forward to Volo's ongoing dialogue with his future! A bit sad for the lady friend- sounds like she'd like to have things in, well, a different configuration.
We're just best buds. Strictly platonic, (by her choice). I think what she's worried about is that she tells me that I'm the only one that she can rely on - and she might lose that. She's a middle school teacher and there's a lot of 'back stabbing' in that environment. The 'office politics' of that place would drive me nuts. There are probably 'office politics' at my place, but I've refused to play that game and just keep to myself, doing my own thing.
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