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Old 02-01-2015, 06:05 PM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,131,920 times
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When my dad was 90, mother complained that he looked like he was 100. She was 87 and she also looked older, but I didn't say it. They were both old, but mother only saw that he was. They each lived to be 97, with mother being a widow for 3 years. I suppose since perception is in the eye of the beholder perhaps both members of a couple have an opinion about the looks of the other.
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Old 02-01-2015, 06:12 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,880,155 times
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True. We see and think of ourselfs much different than others do.
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Old 02-01-2015, 07:39 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,734,121 times
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We have been together since age 20, so I think we are committed. I think when I analyze this, I have a real fear of abandonment since both of my parents were unhealthy due to lifestyle choices (smoking and alcohol). They "disappeared" because of it...when I was still a young woman. It left a mark.
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Old 02-02-2015, 10:59 AM
 
6,384 posts, read 3,347,901 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post

over the last year I was diagnosed as diabetic , had high blood pressure and tri's and cholesterol off the chart and I was a gym rat.

well a major change in diet and alternating my weightlifting with running 3 miles every other day did the trick.

lost 30lbs over the year , blood pressure turned actually low and no meds needed for the diabetes as levels are just high normal. I was on Lipitor but I am off that too.

what changed for me? the diabetes scared me and I already had damage done in my fingers and toes that I could feel.
Congrats Mathjak --- that took a lot of discipline and commitment.
Just curious -- what was "the major change" in your diet? From what to what?
Thanks
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Old 02-02-2015, 11:53 AM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,126,238 times
Reputation: 10910
Quote:
Originally Posted by orngkat View Post
DH and I both turned 60 recently and are close to retiring. Over the past few years though, I have gotten much healthier and he has gone the other direction. This is bothering me as I envision aging and all the things we have talked about doing when retirement for both of us finally comes. He needs to lose at least 30 pounds and has borderline high blood pressure (the proverbial belly fat) but has little interest in the hard work that is involved in improving his health status. His father is diabetic and I fear he is going down the same path. We eat very healthy meals but he remains mostly sedentary (ie lots of driving and sitting). I try to encourage and not criticize him but in a way am growing resentful and sad that he chooses not to at least try. Any thoughts on how to move forward with this so that we can share some happy ACTIVE days together in the future? Or should I just keep moving forward on my own and let him be... honoring our vows of "in sickness and in health"?
OK, here's a twist. My spouse is 6 years younger than me, and is the one aging faster. We were well into our engagement when I realized she was quite frail due to some inherited issues, which, if untreated, were potentially life threatening. But not wanting to foster the "men are pigs" stereotype I went forward with it. That was 20 years ago. In any case: The combination of health incidents, meds and stress are aging her much faster than me. To boot, we are having lots of relationship challenges, which, on top of a stressful career of mine, and, her increasing inability to hold down a job, create somewhat of a downward spiral. Here, "in sickness and in health" is testing the limits.
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Old 02-02-2015, 12:49 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,126,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
OK, here's a twist. My spouse is 6 years younger than me, and is the one aging faster. We were well into our engagement when I realized she was quite frail due to some inherited issues, which, if untreated, were potentially life threatening. But not wanting to foster the "men are pigs" stereotype I went forward with it. That was 20 years ago. In any case: The combination of health incidents, meds and stress are aging her much faster than me. To boot, we are having lots of relationship challenges, which, on top of a stressful career of mine, and, her increasing inability to hold down a job, create somewhat of a downward spiral. Here, "in sickness and in health" is testing the limits.
Part of me wants to take the approach one would take to deal with an able bodied (but troubled) boomerang kid, but another part of me fears that the actual scenario is more like that of an aging increasingly dependent parent. It is a real struggle. If we split, we'll both have to live poor for years, possibly the rest of our lives. And she might not survive long, depending on how she might react to being dumped.
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Old 02-02-2015, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
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I am aging faster than my spouse is. He didn't have the four pregnancies I had, nor the major part of upbringing the kids. Nor did he work another job on top of a FT job as I did for many years. Nor did he lack for exercise, as he thrives on being outdoors and doing many physical chores. He is in great shape and never even sees a doctor (by choice), and because of that was rejected for a new term of life insurance! Crazy. I have mobility and fatigue issues, but to my credit I don't look bad for my age. We eat healthy, but a lot of it goes back to original constitution and how we spent most of our lives, stress levels, etc. Fortunately, we accept each other, for better or worse.
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Old 02-02-2015, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,213,572 times
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Orngkat,

I wouldn't write him off yet. My perspective is that he is still pretty darn healthy. Unless he's 5' tall, an extra 30 pounds is not going to kill him anytime soon. Neither will the borderline high blood pressure.

You've had "the conversation" and there's no point in repeating it.

IMHO, there's a strong chance he will exercise when he is no longer working. The exercise he chooses may only consist of 20-30 minute brisk walks, but according to the medical literature, that's good enough.
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Old 02-02-2015, 06:42 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,258,081 times
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Orngkat, you just never know what will happen. This past week my husband was in a lot of pain and very ill because he is not following doctor's orders. I had given up talking to him, but the doctor did talk to him and after he saw her today he said that he is going to go back on his low glycemic diet and start exercising again. Who knows? Maybe this time the pain got through to him.
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Old 02-02-2015, 06:48 PM
 
6,384 posts, read 3,347,901 times
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After reading all these posts, I went in and hugged my husband.
I feel really fortunate, as he takes good care of himself and is pretty health conscious.
Kudos to all the posters here dealing with their spouse's unhealthy lifestyles.
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