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Old 01-31-2015, 09:10 AM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,735,077 times
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DH and I both turned 60 recently and are close to retiring. Over the past few years though, I have gotten much healthier and he has gone the other direction. This is bothering me as I envision aging and all the things we have talked about doing when retirement for both of us finally comes. He needs to lose at least 30 pounds and has borderline high blood pressure (the proverbial belly fat) but has little interest in the hard work that is involved in improving his health status. His father is diabetic and I fear he is going down the same path. We eat very healthy meals but he remains mostly sedentary (ie lots of driving and sitting). I try to encourage and not criticize him but in a way am growing resentful and sad that he chooses not to at least try. Any thoughts on how to move forward with this so that we can share some happy ACTIVE days together in the future? Or should I just keep moving forward on my own and let him be... honoring our vows of "in sickness and in health"?
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:12 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,221,218 times
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An honest discussion with your husband regarding your concerns after that leave him alone and he can make his own choices being a grown man.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:17 AM
 
71,515 posts, read 71,694,121 times
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well when all else fails " life insurance " . the best investment you can make.


over the last year I was diagnosed as diabetic , had high blood pressure and tri's and cholesterol off the chart and I was a gym rat.

well a major change in diet and alternating my weightlifting with running 3 miles every other day did the trick.

lost 30lbs over the year , blood pressure turned actually low and no meds needed for the diabetes as levels are just high normal. I was on Lipitor but I am off that too.

what changed for me? the diabetes scared me and I already had damage done in my fingers and toes that I could feel.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:28 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 988,551 times
Reputation: 6931
was he ever active? What motivated you to get " much healthier"?
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:36 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,492 posts, read 62,136,122 times
Reputation: 32158
Quote:
Originally Posted by orngkat View Post
I try to encourage and not criticize him but in a way am growing resentful and sad...
Any thoughts on how to move forward with this...
Behavior modification.

Reward ONLY those actions that are objectively positive.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Grove City, Ohio
10,132 posts, read 12,381,010 times
Reputation: 13951
Men seem to age quicker and there's a reason women outnumber men 10 to 1 in The Villages retirement community.

From the New York Post RETIRE TO THE BEDROOM:

Quote:
It's a Thursday night at one of a half-dozen hot spots at the 20,000-acre Central Florida complex called The Villages, the largest gated retirement community in America – and one of the most popular destinations for New Yorkers in their golden years – where the female-to-male ratio runs 10 to 1.
Men, we chase women our whole lives and when we finally get a lot of em we die. It's not fair I tell you, just not fair!

My wife and I are rejoining Anytime Fitness today... our membership lapsed when I was having back trouble but after the epidurals it's time for me to hit the treadmill once again.

I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes 28 months ago and the good thing is I can keep it under control with diet, exercise and JENTADUETO twice daily. Doing pretty good, my sugar level is generally 110 to 120 in the morning and my A1c is tested every three months and runs 6.0 to 6.3 which is pretty good. I go see my doctor on Tuesday, will have some blood work done and it kind of scares me because I sort of got off track over Christmas. Ah heck, I got off track the entire month of December and January and it scares me what my wife will say if the doctor comes back with a reading near 7 which hasn't happened since I was diagnosed.

But it is amazing what simple exercise can do. I don't do a big workout but keep it simple... the best thing I can do is go twice daily for 20 minutes and walk briskly, I define that as 1.2 miles in 20 minutes, on the treadmill. That's it, that is all I do and I can watch the news while I do it.

What I would like to do is see if I could get off meds entirely which I doubt but at least I will give it a try. Oh, and I really need to lose 25 lbs 10 of which I added over December and January.

My wife made some chocolate covered pecan candies and I'm not supposed to eat them when they are in front of me? Seriously? She puts them in a dish, leaves them in the open for me to spot and it's my fault I eat them? Come on ladies, get real!

But in all seriousness I need to do it for myself and the OP's husband needs to do it for himself as well. She can not make him do what is right for himself and them as a couple. When we marry we are no longer a person but a set. I occasionally see someone in a motorized wheel chair without legs and I know it is diabetes and I know that is the last place I want to end up in.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,771 posts, read 4,830,089 times
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You could start the life insurance discussion with him, suggesting that it will be much cheaper before he is diagnosed with HBP or diabetes. This will probably lead to a conversation where he will hopefully become aware that you are planning to go on with life after he succumbs to illness and death. Not a happy discussion, to say the least, but it might get him thinking enough to start to make changes with your support. Then you can start taking evening walks after dinner, or in the morning, and invite him along "to keep you company", and asking him if he'd like to accompany you to the gym, etc. Who does the shopping at your house? If its you than his diet is pretty easy for you to start modifying by simply buying healthier foods and not buying the junk food. Plan more daytrips that involve active things like hiking to a waterfall, or riding bikes, etc.
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:50 AM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,735,077 times
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I have always been healthy but had some female issues that slowed me down (anemia) throughout life but once that was gone, I became very "zestful". I have so much energy some days that it makes me want to run around the block. I think in dh's case, he spent so many years on the road as a sales rep eating bad food and sitting all day that it took a toll. It is up to him though to turn what he can around. Coincidentally, I did not renew our life insurance when it quadrupled at age 60 few months ago. I will have a pension and with SS, would do OK on my own financially. I just want my lifelong buddy by my side. Appreciate hearing others thoughts...
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Old 01-31-2015, 09:51 AM
 
1,227 posts, read 1,259,322 times
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I'm in your boat and I'm not sure there is an answer. My husband has many health issues that he ignores. Over the years I've tried talking with him, taking him to a psychologist, taking him to a nutritionist (3 separate times), asked his primary care physician to talk to him, begged and pleaded with him. Nothing worked. His health continues to deteriorate as he ignores it. I was concerned enough to purchase a life insurance policy on him while I still could. I've bought the best LTC policy for him that I could. I've spoken with financial planners to plan how I will live on just my income. I've figured out where I will live when I am older, single, alone and am making sure I can afford it. Now I am working on making friends to do things with. I am making a life that will not revolve around him. I've stopped discussing his health with him.

This week we had yet another health crisis that we are working through. I find this very sad.
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Old 01-31-2015, 11:00 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,475,774 times
Reputation: 29071
Quote:
Originally Posted by orngkat View Post
DH and I both turned 60 recently and are close to retiring. Over the past few years though, I have gotten much healthier and he has gone the other direction. This is bothering me as I envision aging and all the things we have talked about doing when retirement for both of us finally comes. He needs to lose at least 30 pounds and has borderline high blood pressure (the proverbial belly fat) but has little interest in the hard work that is involved in improving his health status. His father is diabetic and I fear he is going down the same path. We eat very healthy meals but he remains mostly sedentary (ie lots of driving and sitting). I try to encourage and not criticize him but in a way am growing resentful and sad that he chooses not to at least try. Any thoughts on how to move forward with this so that we can share some happy ACTIVE days together in the future? Or should I just keep moving forward on my own and let him be... honoring our vows of "in sickness and in health"?
Yeah! As has been suggested, life insurance. That's the ticket. Lets lower the "value" of a spouses life to mere dollars and cents. That's attractive.

But there is value in vows and both partners should honor them. In this case, in addition to your mention of, "in sickness and in health," he also presumably took a vow to "love and honor" and letting oneself decline when to do so is preventable exemplifies neither; especially if it could result in an early "exit."

I agree with the poster who recommended a heartfelt talk with your husband letting him know in no uncertain terms your worries and concerns and your desire for the two of you to retire and literally grow old together. I strongly encourage it and hope it has the desired effect. If it doesn't I would try to get him to agree to a complete physical and a screening to determine if depression could be a part of the problem.

Best of luck!
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