U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-31-2015, 03:11 PM
 
Location: WA
5,393 posts, read 21,388,001 times
Reputation: 5884

Advertisements

I think people including kids that are not intimately familiar with your life can only interpret your financial situation from their point of view which may not be helpful. Too many people are too quick to help with your lifestyle decisions (think politicians) when they see reality and desires from their point of view rather than yours.

I will share with my kids when and if I want their involvement and help but not before then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-31-2015, 07:38 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,914 posts, read 4,061,135 times
Reputation: 15540
I know everything about my dad's financial situation, and my kids know quite a bit about mine. I show them statements when the kids are home so they have some idea of what's up in case something unexpected were to happen to me. I am also a signatory on my dad's accounts and have been for about 4 years. I trust all of my kids completely and they are named the beneficiaries, and unless something drastic changes, I will also add them as signatories to my accounts in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 08:18 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,494,555 times
Reputation: 4944
Yeah, they should know b/c they're probably the ones that are going to be taking care of you when you're too old or sick. They should know if you have you have the following:

Living-revocable trust (which you should)
Mortgage (which you shouldn't or should be gone by the time you retire)
Debt (which you shouldn't - excluding a mortgage)
Long-Term Care Insurance (which you should - purchase to age 60)
Disability Insurance (which you should)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Grove City, Ohio
10,129 posts, read 12,378,690 times
Reputation: 13947
Quote:
Originally Posted by tom1944 View Post
Whatever you are comfortable sharing. My child will know everything about my finances. The fact that she knows about my finances will not stop me from doing what I want with the money.
Mine as well, they already know everything.

They know exactly what the will says and we have talked about it. They have copies of all our bank accounts along with all life insurance policies and they know right to the penny what and where we will get getting our retirement income.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,545 posts, read 52,637,306 times
Reputation: 70777
Provided they are reasonable people, everything.
My parents showed us all the will documents, where the safe deposit keys are, advanced directives, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
1,427 posts, read 2,569,254 times
Reputation: 2535
I'm 49 and my parents are 75. Mom's finances are fairly simple. An annuity, an investment account, and she lives off of SS and a spousal pension.I'm the oldest of two and the executor of her will, and have a copy of the will. Also have a copy of her Health Care and Durable POAs. That being said, I don't meddle with her finances. My brother and I did counsel her recently on how long her money wouldn't last should she decide to move into a pricy independent living community, but that's about the extent of it.

My dad and stepmother are more complicated. They have a substantial estate and two children each, with some grandchildren in various states of estrangement. They chose to set up a revocable trust with some very particular routes for assets to pass depending on ages, whether parents of grandchildren are still married, etc.. Last year they asked me to be the alternate trustee (after my stepmother -- made sense, I'm the oldest). They explained to me (and my siblings and steps) how it was set up. I have the contact information for the law firm handling the trust. It was all very straightforward, and I appreciate their being forward-thinking about it.

As for my husband and I, we're not nearly as prepared. It's a little tougher, as he has three adult children and I/we have none. I do now have a nephew, whom I place in the same category as his kids. The talk at the moment is a 4-way split. My husband will likely predecease me. If and when he does, I'll simplify things and let my brother know of the plans. I'm not particularly close to my husband's kids, and don't know that I'd be comfortable with any of them being the executor. My husband will likely have my brother as his alternate executor, as well. Keeping it out of his kids' hands will just be better all around. They'll each get what they've got coming, but it will eliminate any infighting or pressure or hard feelings one against the other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 11:06 PM
 
Location: The Conterminous United States
22,554 posts, read 47,336,711 times
Reputation: 13392
My parents are divorced. They are both Depression-era babies. My mother came from a poor family and I think she was more affected by that, it followed her throughout her life.

My mother, from as long as I can remember, didn't want anyone telling her what to do. I (an only child) wanted to keep the line of communication open so I couldn't push. She was the type of person, if her doctor asked too many questions, she'd switched doctors. It's kind of staggering how many docs she went through. I also believe that she has some mental health problems. I think she knew this and would panic if anyone got too close.

She trusted me more than anyone else, but this devoutly Christian woman never, ever wanted to talk about death.

Very long story short, she has Alzheimer's now. At least we think she does, no doctor was ever able to diagnose her. It does not help that I'm hundreds of miles away.

One day, she got in her car and drove to a town several miles away, a place she was very unfamiliar with. She pulled into a random driveway, walked into a house and told people she lived there. She was put into a mental institution and then a nursing home. This happened in a span of about two weeks before I was finally able to find out what happened to her. A state agency, at that point, had taken guardianship of her. I now have absolutely no say about her medical or living situation.

The state agency sold her car to my daughter but had a heck of a time finding a title. They finally sent away for one. They found the number of her safe deposit box but can't find the key. It is going to have to be drilled out. They are selling her condo but can't find any papers that would give any information.

I know a lot about her situation, can probably very accurately assume what her final wishes would be but still, it would have been far more helpful if she had given me more information.

Both of my parents are fairly well off but lo and behold, she has enough money to last at the nursing home for one year. It is a home for low-income folks. I won't go into the long, boring reasons of why she should have much, much more money but suffice to say that someone at some point took a large chunk of money. My cousin, her niece, is the prime suspect. She's known for hanging around the oldsters in the family, then coming away with money. It's always sickened my mother and myself. I was told that she was not coming around but now I'm finding out differently from other people. A couple of years ago, this cousin went on a European vacation for about a month. Frankly, I don't think she's ever been on a vacation in her life, and she's in her mid-60s. About a year later, my mother actually physically attacked my cousin. I was told that she didn't come around again, but I think that she did then, too.

My dad is remarried. I have no idea what his wishes are, but I suspect that he has told his wife, which is perfectly fine!

So, moral of the story is to find someone you trust and give them key pieces of information. If you don't trust anyone on a personal level, hire an attorney. Let someone know! Otherwise you could turn out like my mom. She worked so very hard her entire life, she was one of the first women in my town to ever work full-time while I was in school. She didn't have to, she just wanted to. She worked until she was just past 70. She didn't need to, she just loved working. She did NOT deserve what happened to her. It is breaking my heart and she, this very private person, absolutely hates where she is and can't understand why I can't get her out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-31-2015, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,530 posts, read 47,699,472 times
Reputation: 110331
We let our kids know everything so they'll be prepared to take over and not be surprised.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-01-2015, 12:29 AM
 
741 posts, read 607,719 times
Reputation: 699
Should you let them know, have them as beneficiaries, or have a living trust which trumps all and avoids state costs?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-01-2015, 01:41 AM
 
4,431 posts, read 2,606,853 times
Reputation: 10299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Yeah, they should know b/c they're probably the ones that are going to be taking care of you when you're too old or sick. They should know if you have you have the following:

Living-revocable trust (which you should)
Mortgage (which you shouldn't or should be gone by the time you retire)
Debt (which you shouldn't - excluding a mortgage)
Long-Term Care Insurance (which you should - purchase to age 60)
Disability Insurance (which you should)
They should also have a record of all monies, investment,etc...kept in which accts, with which passwords, etc. This CAN be kept, as someone said, on a thumb drive or even paper copies in a locked safe. The combination to the safe can be kept in a sealed envelope the children can get at, but that you can monitor for safety if need be. KEEP a "quick envelope", with your HEALTH insurance, LTCI policy #, and Advanced Directive{s}, and MEDICATIONS/MEDICAL HISTORY LIST in "quick order envelope" should you need to go to the hospital. PUT your CHILDREN'S NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS in your wallets as "emergency contacts" and ON your Medications/history list! BE sure to UPDATE regularly!

MY father, in his 80s, for instance has a DNR order, but I know it is "generally here" somewhere in the office. I have him put it, and the "pertinents', in a sealed envelope that I can quickly grab and take to the hosiptal, should/when the need arise/s. I should have a copy at my house for convenience, but he won't do that. If he gets taken to the hospital, THEY WILL HAVE TO Resusitate him without the DNR!
IF he goes to the hospital for ANY REason, I am trying to get him to CONTACT me to say he is going there, so I know. If the neighbor had not seen the ambulance, no one would have known he went for the {serious} incident. He calls up another time AFTER going, and without telling me he was going, to tell me his car is dead, and can I come get him at the hospital? He had to FIND the phone number in the book to call as he "doesn't always remember it". PUT your CHILDREN'S NAMES AND PHONE NUMBERS in your wallets as "emergency contacts" and ON your Medications/history list!! GRRRR. Had it been MORE SERIOUS, they would have NOT known who to call.

I know the basics of his finances, as much as I can in that "generally here" kind of way, And I want him around for a few more years,as mohter went to early. I have the attitude "its your money do with it as you will", MY brother is out of the scene now, but I don't think he shared that view as in life he stripped my parents out of a LOT of money. I never asked for anything, but I think my father is burned out on it now.

If you are really concerned your child{ren} "will know to much", adopt a capable younger lawyer who can keep your information safe until the child{ren} need it. Be sure to update regularly.
And in our mid 50s, I have been getting my own/our financials in order too. NO reason not to. My father and FIL {who has provided us with the necessary papers} know where our info is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top