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Old 02-02-2015, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
1,809 posts, read 2,085,240 times
Reputation: 2795

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
First of all this is a close family member. Nobody is telling them what to do but what they do affects everyone in the family. Their kids have asked me why they are doing this. I was raised that family is important and I don't understand why people do this. Why move somewhere where you know no one and are surrounded by a bunch of old people in sort of a sheltered world. I only offered my opinion when asked. Their kids are well settled near their home. They have good jobs and no intention of leaving. The couple themselves saw this same issue with one of their parents. They saw the issues faced by doing this or at least they should realize it. Of course they can do what they want but they have to realize what they do affects other people. Do they really want to only be a small part of their grab children's lives, nothing more than an occasional visitor? Again why? Jay.
Just because doing this isn't what YOU'D personally want to do doesn't mean it's not what THEY want to do. Maybe they really do like it there. Maybe they figure 6 months out of the year is plenty to be home and see family. Maybe you're just jealous because you don't have the means to do the same as they're doing, or maybe you resent them doing what makes them happy. Perhaps you should ask yourself deep down if that's true.

 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Woodbury, MN
1,465 posts, read 1,532,746 times
Reputation: 1880
Some people that were born in the northern tier in the snowbelt are sick and tired of putting up with another winter. Retirement gives them the freedom to escape the cold and snow. In Minnesota, if you are gone for six months, plus one day, you don't have to pay the Minnesota income taxes. This can be huge if you have a significant net worth and retirement income stream that is six figures. It's not a couple of bucks saved, it's many thousands, and may be enough to pay for most of your rent in Florida for six months.

This could trouble for those left behind in the snowbelt. You're stuck there if that's where the higher paying jobs are. The kids are stuck in school. The only opportunity for you to go south is during school breaks when you can get vacation time, when travel costs are more expensive for you.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:25 PM
 
7,980 posts, read 3,462,732 times
Reputation: 11230
they can always move back if Florida isn't doing it for them. I agree, it's their money and their decision. Leave them alone. If they want your opinion they will ask for it.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Hiding from Antifa?
6,399 posts, read 4,174,894 times
Reputation: 5700
Don't forget about the grandkids that are school age come over and bring all those viruses they catch from the other kids in school. When you get into your 60s and beyond, those viruses are much more detrimental and can even kill you. My wife is disabled but still able to care for our granddaughter. In the past she has told me she never wants to move away because of the grandchildren. After the bug she caught from our granddaughter last month, she is rethinking that. One more time and I think I will have her convinced to get something in Florida.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,123 posts, read 9,076,489 times
Reputation: 11545
I think what you are feeling is grief, masked by anger. You realize that this is a BIG deal and will change everyone's life, not just theirs. And you are mad but underneath, you feel sad. You wish things would never have to change and unfortunately, life is not like that. You will miss them alot. And in a way, it's a loss. Think about it.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:48 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,836 posts, read 18,845,295 times
Reputation: 33741
OP, I know how you feel because my parents did it to me and my aunts and uncles did it to my cousins. Moved from New England to Florida after selling their nice houses.

None of us liked it, it sort of even hurt our feelings that they would sell the houses we loved and move away and make it so hard for us to see them or to help them.

But ALL of them maintained a smaller home in New England that they would return to in the summer. And years later when they were really old and sickly, they all moved back and stayed. Yes, we missed them and we missed out on some Christmases with them due to high airfare or inability to get enough time off from work, but that's just life. Now that they are gone, I feel grateful that they made their own choice and got to enjoy their years in Florida. They really loved the winters there and after they are gone, that's what you remember.

Old age is hard on everyone, the young and the old. At least you and your younger family have years ahead of you to look forward to. Your older family members are just trying to make the best of what they have left. It's not easy but let them go and wish them the best.
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Old 02-02-2015, 05:13 PM
 
25,976 posts, read 32,984,687 times
Reputation: 32161
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
Members of my family have retired. They decided to try a warmer climate for a couple of months so they rented a place in a retirement community. While there they found a unit in the complex they are staying at and are making an offer. Their children and grandchildren live near their home. They plan on selling their beautiful home that they love and living 6 months in Florida and 6 months up north. They say they are doing this to save taxes since Florida has no taxes on retirement income. They are very comfortable financially so they will not have to pinch pennies.

My question is why would they move away from family for such a long time to save what really is not much more than a couple of bucks. I have tried to explain to them that they are going to have to pay to fly back and forth a couple of times each year. They are already making plans to fly back next month for a family event and are complaining how expensive it is. They also are saying that they really miss their kids and grandkids as well.

I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. They say their kids can come visit them but that means their kids will have to use their vacation time to visit. Plus where they are moving is not a very exciting place to visit. Young people don't want to visit a place full of old people. Later when they get sick their kids will have to take time and fly down to take care or help them. I have tried to point some of these issues out to them but they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this. I just don't understand what they are thinking. Jay.
Umm....THEY are retiring. How unbelievably selfish of YOU.

Just...WOW.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,805,237 times
Reputation: 6195
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
Members of my family have retired. They decided to try a warmer climate for a couple of months so they rented a place in a retirement community. While there they found a unit in the complex they are staying at and are making an offer. Their children and grandchildren live near their home. They plan on selling their beautiful home that they love and living 6 months in Florida and 6 months up north. They say they are doing this to save taxes since Florida has no taxes on retirement income. They are very comfortable financially so they will not have to pinch pennies.

My question is why would they move away from family for such a long time to save what really is not much more than a couple of bucks. I have tried to explain to them that they are going to have to pay to fly back and forth a couple of times each year. They are already making plans to fly back next month for a family event and are complaining how expensive it is. They also are saying that they really miss their kids and grandkids as well.

I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. They say their kids can come visit them but that means their kids will have to use their vacation time to visit. Plus where they are moving is not a very exciting place to visit. Young people don't want to visit a place full of old people. Later when they get sick their kids will have to take time and fly down to take care or help them. I have tried to point some of these issues out to them but they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this. I just don't understand what they are thinking. Jay.
I can understand how you feel there, I had a similar situation to deal with about 23 years ago. My parents lived a few hours away from us, we were in Washington DC at that time, and they decided to pick up and move to Florida for retirement. I presented similar considerations that you mention, about the convenience of being in their grandkids life and all of the family gatherings. I especially was a bit put out because we had a fairly young (at that time) handicapped daughter and they really were great at being engaged with and helping us out with the kids.

But they felt strongly about having a big change in their life when my dad retired, and wanted to be in the land of perpetual heat and palm trees. So I accepted their decision without making them feel too guilty, after my initial reaction, and off they went. Like you state, kid school holidays, especially Christmas break, became an annual trip to Florida, but things went OK.

Funny thing, but about a decade after they retired they started getting on me about moving down to Florida to "be near the family". But by then we had a different focus, trying to get better long term services for our daughter (who continues to live with us even today) and to keep reasonably close to our two (now) adult sons and their spouses, who moved out to California.

So we went out West, and the visits just stayed as very long distance annual trips.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,971,705 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
Nobody is telling them what to do but what they do affects everyone in the family.
I totally get this. My MIL moved from here to CA to be with "other son" in an upscale area. Fine for her, she is well taken care of and in a nice apt. Now at 92 and in ill health, she will never be able to fly back here, to where the "son here" (my spouse) is more likely to spend a lot more time with her. While we're grateful in a way that we don't have to be taking her around to various doctors and doing those long waits and difficult transport in NE winters, the burden has been on us to go to her, to take the vacation time which we would rather spend elsewhere in all honesty, and to spend the big bucks flying out there and staying in hotels. Not to mention the fact that I have a health condition that does not encourage long flights. It's a difficult situation all around and it has affected her whole east coast family.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,971,705 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Umm....THEY are retiring. How unbelievably selfish of YOU.

Just...WOW.
I see both serious sides of the issue, so I would not be so quick to judge.
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