U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:24 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,081 posts, read 22,924,480 times
Reputation: 35201

Advertisements

It's just 6 months of the year that they'll be gone. Not forever.

I don't understand how them wanting to be snow birds has anything to do with whether or not they love anyone.

My daughter was very mad at me for moving several hours away from her here in CA. But, I was lucky if I saw her once a month, and then she really only wanted me to drive to have lunch with her where she worked 40 minutes away. She wanted her evenings and weekends to herself, and not with Mom. But, she liked having me 40 minutes away if she ever needed me.

For me to stay in the area where she is, I would not have been able to retire, as there is no affordable housing - or the lists are literally 10 years long. So, I moved away, and she's still barely talking to me over it.

Do I love her? Of course I do. But, did I have to prove my love to her by staying in a job I hated, and driving to have lunch with her once a month?

What's in it for your relatives to stay year-round in your town, rather than go away 6 months of the year? What's in it for them?

Perhaps you might want to consider how you will show your love for them - by telling them to enjoy their time down south, and you'll see them in 6 months.

It's entirely possible, their complaining about traveling, is to wean you guys off the idea that they have to fly back during that 6 month period that they are away. That's really not reasonable to expect them to do. And really not necessary for you to do. 6 months just flies by.

And I agree that Skype is the miracle deal of the century. I regularly Skype with my friend in Canada. She carries "me" (her I-pad) around the house, shows me her projects, takes me into the kitchen while she makes coffee, etc. We normally Skype for an hour or longer once a week. Just two days ago she was showing me the snow coming down. It really feels like you're right there with the person.

 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:25 AM
 
5,424 posts, read 3,442,945 times
Reputation: 13693
Maybe it also has something to do with their marriage. Maybe they feel 6 months in Florida during winter months would give a boost of happiness or novelty to their marriage, and provide new people, new scenery, a new pattern of living...and new things to do in a different locale.

I think the OP should be sure not to make the couple feel that they must fly back to attend family functions or events during the 6 months away. It just is not necessary.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:25 AM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,528 posts, read 47,687,050 times
Reputation: 110326
[quote=Aredhel;38279057]Go back and reread my post, carefully this time. A lot of older people come to HATE winter, and the issues that come with it. Why should they put up with it if they're sick of it?[/QUOTE]

^^^Right on. We have 2 homes, a winter home, a summer home, and have never been happier. All our relatives close and far are happy for us too. Some even hope to do the same someday. We have the best of both worlds. We see the kids, grandkids other relatives here and there. They're glad to see us when we visit and appreciate that we're not a nuisance in their lives.
We also have doctors/dentists in both areas to cover all bases. When we travel one of the relatives are happy to watch things for us. Life is good.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:30 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,081 posts, read 22,924,480 times
Reputation: 35201
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
The thing no one wants to talk about, the thing all the kids are counting on, the bottom line.......is ?

I see all the time that telltale sign, on so many Motorhomes , it reads " we are spending our kids and grand kids inheritance " ........yup, that's what it's all about, the constant bitching about how ungrateful the old retired folks of the family are, it IS disgusting ! I would spend every last dime, having fun, the older you get the more important it is.
This is funny. If they didn't spend it on a motorhome, it would have had to be sold to pay for the nursing home, anyway. I've mentioned this to young people who talk about when they get their parent's house, etc. I tell them, don't count on it. They'll have to sell it to pay for their medical bills and the nursing home.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:31 AM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,885,151 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Maybe it also has something to do with their marriage. Maybe they feel 6 months in Florida during winter months would give a boost of happiness or novelty to their marriage, and provide new people, new scenery, a new pattern of living...and new things to do in a different locale.

I think the OP should be sure not to make the couple feel that they must fly back to attend family functions or events during the 6 months away. It just is not necessary.
Also, not every snow bird wants to go to humid Florida.......there are other choices, like the Desert SW where it's dry....that's where this Snowbird is now!
 
Old 02-03-2015, 12:45 AM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,221,988 times
Reputation: 3330
I hate that it happens, but sometimes when retirees move away from family that leads to horror stories about adult children not being able to make sure their parents get the care they need when health deteriorates....parents who are half blind and deaf -- and don't want to move back closer to family.

As has been mentioned -- sometimes the parents move away for let's say ages 60 to 85......that's 25 years of living where they want, in the climate they want. That's certainly enough years for them to enjoy doing that. Sure -- they won't see the grand kids as much. But If THEY move, then to a certain extent I feel that THEY should be the ones to travel back to see the grandkids. But many times THEY move -- and want others to come visit THEM.

Now, once health deteriorates and they really can't safely live as they have been, IF they won't move to the adult child's location to a certain extent it NOT FAIR TO THAT ADULT CHILD....because many times that FORCES a guilt trip on the adult child for not dropping what they're doing and not doing more to make sure mom and dad are OK. I can't tell you the stories of adult children who TORTURE THEMSELVES with guilt about "should I quit my job to move to where they are" or say "I can't fly 1,500 miles every time they fall or need a doctors appointment."

HEALTHY, ACTIVE retirement years -- roughly ages 55-85 -- let them live where they want.
Once the parents need care, it's selfish of them NOT to move back closer to their children. Sorry. That's just the way I feel about it.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 01:58 AM
 
6,950 posts, read 3,857,584 times
Reputation: 14771
Last week's weather was awful, today's was worse. Last week we only had to shovel snow, a lot of it, but just snow. Today there was four inches of new snow on the ground by midmorning when it changed to rain. At the same time the weatherman was telling us about the temperature dropping, meanwhile the rain was changing today's snow to slush. Do you know what happens to slush when it's twenty degrees out there? So yeah, I was out there in the rain trying to get rid of all that slush before it solidified into a giant slab of uneven glacier within an hour or two. Then the rain changed back to snow and added three or four more inches, if it had fallen on the slush the driveway, walks and deck would have been impassable for weeks.

Maybe they really don't want to deal with it any more.

Anybody know what the weather was like in Fernandina Beach today?
 
Old 02-03-2015, 02:08 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,534,193 times
Reputation: 16771
And when the kids are out of school and looking for a job they can't find, will they think of 'the family' and stay when the best way to be suitably employed is to move? I moved the year my son was in the last year of high school. He lived with his dad and frequently didn't have time to visit his weekend between school and school activities. I had a crumy apartment which had sold the day I picked out my house, sealing the deal as three quarters of the renters moved out. I had LONG wanted out of crowded socal. Then as he'd joined the Mormon church, he spent the next two years with occasional calls and letters. And then he tried to go back to school and got married and best he could find in work was two part time jobs, no benefits at minimum wage.

Last month they moved away from all the family, but for half the cost of living and two full time jobs with benefits. I'm very proud of my son being willing to cut that cord and deal with their own needs. We have to do in life what we need to do for ourselves too. If its a parent moving away from their kids or kids moving away from the family, when you can't fufill your needs where you are, be in practical ones or things the place you are doesn't have them, then you have to do what it takes to fufill them.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 02:16 AM
 
1,825 posts, read 2,478,442 times
Reputation: 4143
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdflk View Post
I hate that it happens, but sometimes when retirees move away from family that leads to horror stories about adult children not being able to make sure their parents get the care they need when health deteriorates....parents who are half blind and deaf -- and don't want to move back closer to family.

As has been mentioned -- sometimes the parents move away for let's say ages 60 to 85......that's 25 years of living where they want, in the climate they want. That's certainly enough years for them to enjoy doing that. Sure -- they won't see the grand kids as much. But If THEY move, then to a certain extent I feel that THEY should be the ones to travel back to see the grandkids. But many times THEY move -- and want others to come visit THEM.

Now, once health deteriorates and they really can't safely live as they have been, IF they won't move to the adult child's location to a certain extent it NOT FAIR TO THAT ADULT CHILD....because many times that FORCES a guilt trip on the adult child for not dropping what they're doing and not doing more to make sure mom and dad are OK. I can't tell you the stories of adult children who TORTURE THEMSELVES with guilt about "should I quit my job to move to where they are" or say "I can't fly 1,500 miles every time they fall or need a doctors appointment."

HEALTHY, ACTIVE retirement years -- roughly ages 55-85 -- let them live where they want.
Once the parents need care, it's selfish of them NOT to move back closer to their children. Sorry. That's just the way I feel about it.
So, if the parents move, then it is their responsibility to cme see their adult "children," and when their health deteriorates, they should move back to the adult children's location - so as not to inconvenience the adult "children." That sounds a bit one sided to me.
 
Old 02-03-2015, 03:09 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,537 posts, read 39,914,033 times
Reputation: 23643
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
Members of my family have retired. They decided to try a warmer climate .... They plan on selling their beautiful home that they love and living 6 months in Florida and 6 months up north. They say they are doing this to save taxes since Florida has no taxes on retirement income. They are very comfortable financially so they will not have to pinch pennies.

My question is why would they move away from family for such a long time to save what really is not much more than a couple of bucks. ...

I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. ... they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this. I just don't understand what they are thinking. Jay.
Ha,,,

What age are they? (that will be very telling and may hold your explanation)

The range of reasons can be very broad and impossible to speculate from outside (I have my own theory of why they are choosing this, but I know very little about them from only one side of the story). I think there is a lot to the story (yet to be uncovered).

There are many other options, one of the BEST is SD residency. One overnight per lifetime is all that is required to establish tax free domicile. and it is a Northern State!!!! double bonus!. Retire to a COLD state and still pay no state taxes and live where-ever your want (without triggering other domicile of course.

Our kids never had grandparents due the FREE choice of grands. They said "we raised ours, you raise yours!" End of story, saw them for a few minutes every few yrs. (usually met at an airport while grandparents were on their way to another cruise or vacation).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top