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Old 02-02-2015, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
26,285 posts, read 42,264,583 times
Reputation: 7803

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Members of my family have retired. They decided to try a warmer climate for a couple of months so they rented a place in a retirement community. While there they found a unit in the complex they are staying at and are making an offer. Their children and grandchildren live near their home. They plan on selling their beautiful home that they love and living 6 months in Florida and 6 months up north. They say they are doing this to save taxes since Florida has no taxes on retirement income. They are very comfortable financially so they will not have to pinch pennies.

My question is why would they move away from family for such a long time to save what really is not much more than a couple of bucks. I have tried to explain to them that they are going to have to pay to fly back and forth a couple of times each year. They are already making plans to fly back next month for a family event and are complaining how expensive it is. They also are saying that they really miss their kids and grandkids as well.

I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. They say their kids can come visit them but that means their kids will have to use their vacation time to visit. Plus where they are moving is not a very exciting place to visit. Young people don't want to visit a place full of old people. Later when they get sick their kids will have to take time and fly down to take care or help them. I have tried to point some of these issues out to them but they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this. I just don't understand what they are thinking. Jay.

 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,832,098 times
Reputation: 16632
Let's see ... whose life are we talking about again ... theirs or yours? Have you also provided them with assurance that none of the grandchildren or kids will move away due to college, jobs, marriage or anything else, but, will instead, remain close by to always be available and take care of these aging parents/grandparents?

Since they have worked their entire lifetime and lived in the cold snow and ice, and taken care of the family all that time; when does wanting to do something else (warmer) become less "dumb and selfish" in your 'only opinion that matters' mindset? You might be surprised to know that literally millions of snowbirds travel annually back and forth between Florida and the 'Arctic' (Some have health reasons for moving!) ... Perhaps their intent is to ultimately maintain homes in both places; and they may think they need to downsize from their current home to do that(?).

You said these were "members of your family", therefore, one might conclude that they are not your parents --- and that you are not completely aware of the basis for the decision and discussions that have gone on. How is it then that you 'know' what is best and right for them, regardless of what they otherwise think? Have they asked you to fly down and use your valuable vacation time to 'take care of them?' ... or are you just assuming they are foisting this 'selfish burden' on their kids.

Honestly, it is time for you to MYOB and let those who are more directly involved use their own intelligence and motivation to determine what they want to do with their own lives. You don't really sound like your interest is NOT in what is best for them, but, rather, for whatever reason, what is best for you.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,298 posts, read 4,148,032 times
Reputation: 18264
They're probably thinking that no one has ever broken a hip by slipping on the heat. They're probably also thinking that their big, beautiful house is probably TOO big and TOO much work for their older years. So why not sell the big house and buy a condo/townhouse up north and a condo/townhouse down south and enjoy the best of both places?
 
Old 02-02-2015, 01:40 PM
 
242 posts, read 287,949 times
Reputation: 531
LOL.... maybe they are moving to get away from the soap opera and everyone telling them what to do?

So...um....how many times last Summer did you (or your kids/etc) go over and mow their yard or clean out the gutters on this home/for these aging folks you seem to worry about so much? If you did so at all...much respect. If not...um...yeah.

retirement is their time, not yours. Support what they do or butt out altogether.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
26,285 posts, read 42,264,583 times
Reputation: 7803
First of all this is a close family member. Nobody is telling them what to do but what they do affects everyone in the family. Their kids have asked me why they are doing this. I was raised that family is important and I don't understand why people do this. Why move somewhere where you know no one and are surrounded by a bunch of old people in sort of a sheltered world. I only offered my opinion when asked. Their kids are well settled near their home. They have good jobs and no intention of leaving. The couple themselves saw this same issue with one of their parents. They saw the issues faced by doing this or at least they should realize it. Of course they can do what they want but they have to realize what they do affects other people. Do they really want to only be a small part of their grab children's lives, nothing more than an occasional visitor? Again why? Jay.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 02:28 PM
 
6,438 posts, read 3,066,921 times
Reputation: 5853
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
First of all this is a close family member. Nobody is telling them what to do but what they do affects everyone in the family. Their kids have asked me why they are doing this. I was raised that family is important and I don't understand why people do this. Why move somewhere where you know no one and are surrounded by a bunch of old people in sort of a sheltered world. I only offered my opinion when asked. Their kids are well settled near their home. They have good jobs and no intention of leaving. The couple themselves saw this same issue with one of their parents. They saw the issues faced by doing this or at least they should realize it. Of course they can do what they want but they have to realize what they do affects other people. Do they really want to only be a small part of their grab children's lives, nothing more than an occasional visitor? Again why? Jay.
Did you or one of their kids go over to shovel their snow last week?
 
Old 02-02-2015, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,298 posts, read 4,148,032 times
Reputation: 18264
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
First of all this is a close family member. Nobody is telling them what to do but what they do affects everyone in the family. Their kids have asked me why they are doing this. I was raised that family is important and I don't understand why people do this. Why move somewhere where you know no one and are surrounded by a bunch of old people in sort of a sheltered world. I only offered my opinion when asked. Their kids are well settled near their home. They have good jobs and no intention of leaving. The couple themselves saw this same issue with one of their parents. They saw the issues faced by doing this or at least they should realize it. Of course they can do what they want but they have to realize what they do affects other people. Do they really want to only be a small part of their grab children's lives, nothing more than an occasional visitor? Again why? Jay.
Go back and reread my post, carefully this time. A lot of older people come to HATE winter, and the issues that come with it. Why should they put up with it if they're sick of it?
 
Old 02-02-2015, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,884 posts, read 25,306,858 times
Reputation: 26346
Retirement is all about doing what YOU want to do. It happens when you are finished raising your children and attending to their needs. And maybe they don't want to shovel snow and babysit your kids. Maybe they want to be free for at least part of the year to do as they please. And good for them!

They put in the time. Let them have their prize.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 03:53 PM
PDD
 
Location: The Sand Hills of NC
8,774 posts, read 14,859,160 times
Reputation: 11886
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
Members of my family have retired. They decided to try a warmer climate for a couple of months so they rented a place in a retirement community. While there they found a unit in the complex they are staying at and are making an offer. Their children and grandchildren live near their home. They plan on selling their beautiful home that they love and living 6 months in Florida and 6 months up north. They say they are doing this to save taxes since Florida has no taxes on retirement income. They are very comfortable financially so they will not have to pinch pennies.

My question is why would they move away from family for such a long time to save what really is not much more than a couple of bucks. I have tried to explain to them that they are going to have to pay to fly back and forth a couple of times each year. They are already making plans to fly back next month for a family event and are complaining how expensive it is. They also are saying that they really miss their kids and grandkids as well.

I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. They say their kids can come visit them but that means their kids will have to use their vacation time to visit. Plus where they are moving is not a very exciting place to visit. Young people don't want to visit a place full of old people. Later when they get sick their kids will have to take time and fly down to take care or help them. I have tried to point some of these issues out to them but they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this. I just don't understand what they are thinking. Jay.
Just because they were born, raised, made a great living there does not mean that really enjoy living there. Some other part of the country might be more to their liking.

I grew up in the North and I think CT is a beautiful place in the spring, summer, fall but there is no way in my retirement years do I even want to visit the snow belt in the winter.

You say young people don't want to visit a place full of old people well either do old people want to be around the youngsters.

To me personally grand kids and are overated so that is no reason to stay close to home.

For those who can afford it being a snowbird is the way to go.

I think they are telling you they want to save money so you don't feel so bad.
 
Old 02-02-2015, 04:12 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,225,721 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT
I had tried to explain what issues they would face with this plan. They will not save that much on taxes when you figure out how much it costs to fly back and forth plus renting or buying an extra car. They say there is more to do there but really they do everything they there here. I can understand leaving the cold for a couple of months but to leave for this length of time seems kind of dumb and a bit selfish. They say their kids can come visit them but that means their kids will have to use their vacation time to visit. Plus where they are moving is not a very exciting place to visit. Young people don't want to visit a place full of old people. Later when they get sick their kids will have to take time and fly down to take care or help them. I have tried to point some of these issues out to them but they won't listen to us since we are the youngest members of the family. Their kids have said similar things to them about this.
You and other members of the family have given them your opinion.
You and other members of the family have pointed out your issues (not theirs) with their plan.

Kids will have to use vacation time?
Not an exciting place to visit?
They won't listen to you?
Because they won't do what you want them to - seems a bit selfish on your part.
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