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Old 03-01-2015, 02:26 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,227,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I want to avoid probate after my death so I set up a revocable trust in addition to the will. As far as cremation goes, I would like to prepay it but do not know where I will live out my final days, so prepaying seems risky.
My cremation plan includes transportation from anywhere in the world. They pick me up, do their business, and ship the ashes to my niece.
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Old 03-01-2015, 03:17 PM
 
685 posts, read 564,330 times
Reputation: 1004
Folks,
I'm glad this is making some of you think . Usually I go down the ID list and rattle back responses but it doesn't seem to be necessary.

We both probably started thinking about this when we were on vacation in Provincetown, RI (in our 30s). I was driving down a major, four-lane virtually empty road, a driver decided to make a left turn in front of us. I'll never know how I didn't hit that car other than by that time, I only bought cars with ABS. It was a wake up call. Dying can happen at any time. Then actually watching parents die really drove things home.

When we moved here, we attended a Meet-up group just being started called CareRing. Its goal was to organize volunteers who would be paid a minimal amount of money to assist others. But the leader was bad, so it ended. Yes (to one commenter who was answered by another) people are finally forming groups and are talking about end-of-life needs. We're going to another meeting in a couple of months. My partner (the one who can hear) will be attending other meetings without me. Our Trusts/Wills and everything that goes with them are being amended. I just jotted down my end-of-life requests for whoever would be dealing with me. It's specific. I just don't want other people to second-guess themselves and wonder if they made their right decision about me.

In my father's case, I did what I could (he didn't leave directions) and a few days before he died asked him if he was ready to let go. He scribbled, "Y and N," on one of his legal yellow notepads. I made the best decisions I could for him only to find (months later) a document that made it clear what he wanted done as he lay dying. I'm left with a little guilt and this is what happens when wishes aren't known. I knew he wanted to be cremated and that was it. My mother didn't want to talk about dying but fortunately seven years earlier I asked her and knew (she had a form of leukemia that I didn't think would end her life, so it was a tough but simple conversation with her). Having her wishes in her writing would've helped me because I had a sister who wanted her buried but I had been told (and had arrangements already) she wanted to be cremated and to have a party. The cremation became a source of contention and I made it happen.

One point that was brought up by someone at the meeting I mentioned. A person spoke about a priest or minister speaking about a woman's parent at a memorial service. It was impersonal and made her sad. I had been through that two years prior to my mom's death. I like challenges and wrote my mom's service and eulogy beginning 3.5 months prior to her death. We all bid her a fond adieu in a packed synagogue. I did the same for my father. Doing this is definitely not for the feint of heart. I'm glad I had the strength to do it.

This isn't a fun topic but I'm attempting to help you all be prepared. I'd like to see the ability to talk and write freely about this. It's life and the way it goes.

newenglandgirl: I keep reading and "hearing" that you can prepay and have it transferred if you don't pass away where you paid for the cremation. We're in the same situation. When either of us dies, the house will be sold and whoever is left is getting out of here. The doula and our lawyer both said cremations can typically be transferred. Ask - it doesn't hurt. I'm not prepaying (I looked into it) because I'd rather the money come out of the Trust not our savings.

(Revocable trusts are the way to go to save probate but we need a will and trust as did my father.)
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Old 03-01-2015, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,729,443 times
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The Neptune Society pre-paid package includes world-wide pick-up of the body followed by cremation and either scattering of the ashes at sea or delivery of the ashes to a specified person. It makes absolutely no difference where one dies. I signed up for that and paid the charges a year or two ago. It sure takes the decision-making out of the hands of whoever would be stuck making them.
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Old 03-02-2015, 09:02 AM
 
685 posts, read 564,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
The Neptune Society pre-paid package includes world-wide pick-up of the body followed by cremation and either scattering of the ashes at sea or delivery of the ashes to a specified person. It makes absolutely no difference where one dies. I signed up for that and paid the charges a year or two ago. It sure takes the decision-making out of the hands of whoever would be stuck making them.
Escort Rider: I've just requested a quote. Since they're world-wide, my guess is they will be possibly more expensive. Cremations (prepaid) are often transferrable to another crematory out-of-state if needed. We have green burials that are available locally and I'll look into that.
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Old 03-02-2015, 10:41 AM
 
Location: SW US
2,217 posts, read 2,034,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
The Neptune Society pre-paid package includes world-wide pick-up of the body followed by cremation and either scattering of the ashes at sea or delivery of the ashes to a specified person. It makes absolutely no difference where one dies. I signed up for that and paid the charges a year or two ago. It sure takes the decision-making out of the hands of whoever would be stuck making them.
I guess you would still need someone you trust to honor your wishes to notify them when it's time, right?
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Old 03-02-2015, 10:55 AM
 
685 posts, read 564,330 times
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Hey,
Escort Rider: I got an estimate from Neptune. It's really not bad. It's as follows:

Windwalker, Escort will answer and I'll toss in mine. You need a person in a Trust and/or Will to execute your wishes. That's what a reliable Trustee is for. It's also why I've told my sister what my plans are. If she can't execute them, I wouldn't make her the backup Trustee. She had a little trouble accepting my years are numbered.
* * * *
We currently have a promotion for $200 off the Standard Neptune Plan for families who contact us through our web site. The offer is good for 30 days, so the $1,804.00 plan on the attached price list will be discounted to $1,604.00 plus sales tax until March 26th. This Standard Neptune Plan price INCLUDES the Neptune Memento Package. All transportation costs are covered within a 75 mile radius of your residence. We currently offer interest-free financing with no credit check on pre-need cremation purchases. Everyone qualifies for interest-free financing with a $499.00 first payment.**



The Transportation & Relocation Protection Plan may be added to the Standard Neptune Plan if you wish to cover all additional out-of-pocket costs in the event you would ever relocate within the continental United States or if death occurs while traveling anywhere in the world (excluding countries where our government restricts travel). Please let me know if you would like to take advantage of the 30-Day $200 savings promotion and I will schedule the delivery of the paperwork to your home for your review.



**After the initial payment of $499.00, the remainder is paid in $35 per month installments until the $1,604.00 + sales tax is paid in full. If you wish to include the Transportation & Relocation Plan, the remainder is paid in $50 per month installments. All payments must be made prior to performing the cremation.
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Old 03-02-2015, 12:20 PM
 
1,780 posts, read 2,165,747 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I want to avoid probate after my death so I set up a revocable trust in addition to the will. As far as cremation goes, I would like to prepay it but do not know where I will live out my final days, so prepaying seems risky.
There are a lot of ways to have assets transfer outside of the will, without going thru the headaches of a revocable trust.

I guess it just depends on how big your estate is. I've observed that folks with a large estate use the revocable trust.
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Old 03-05-2015, 11:20 AM
 
685 posts, read 564,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
There are a lot of ways to have assets transfer outside of the will, without going thru the headaches of a revocable trust.

I guess it just depends on how big your estate is. I've observed that folks with a large estate use the revocable trust.
RosemaryT: I've been Trustee and Executress and am
now updating our Trust to match laws in NC. Every major asset is either in my partner's name and mine and are not listed in the Trust and I don't want them to be because they change. Anything due to me (us) from work has assigned beneficiaries. The Trust also assigns beneficiaries and the % they will receive. I'm not sure but I think our house needs to be listed in the Trust so it can be filed with the City but that's as far as I go in defining assets. Trusts completely avoid probate. There's a law here that says we need a Will. So there will be one but a simple one. We need POA and healthcare proxy and advanced directives.

If we had kids or married, this would not be an issue.
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Old 03-05-2015, 12:32 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,135,755 times
Reputation: 2602
There is tremendous pressure from government and public and private groups to pull as much money from the ill as possible. If you want to die well at the beginning of the first verified terminal disease notice you must take quick and effective action. If you fail to take action you will die, regardless of what everyone tells you, a much longer and more painful and inhumane death. That is a sad fact for almost everyone. It is all about money.
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Old 03-05-2015, 01:26 PM
 
685 posts, read 564,330 times
Reputation: 1004
Quote:
Originally Posted by mortpes View Post
There is tremendous pressure from government and public and private groups to pull as much money from the ill as possible. If you want to die well at the beginning of the first verified terminal disease notice you must take quick and effective action. If you fail to take action you will die, regardless of what everyone tells you, a much longer and more painful and inhumane death. That is a sad fact for almost everyone. It is all about money.
Question, mortpes: Explain what is "quick and effective action?"

Your first sentence should be bolded and capped. I feel reasonably safe that between the meetings my partner and some friends are attending on end of life issues, we'll have something worked out.

My partner's "stepfather" has 16% kidney function (so will he be on dialysis ... I don't know as we're many states away), a huge mass on his lungs that chemo didn't touch, and other c**p going on with him. The doctors want to do radiation now and he's going with it. It has been painfully obvious the system is milking him when they should probably be saying he should be in hospice care. The guy is scared. Worse, he's ignorant. But he is making up his own mind about how he's going about living (or not depending on ones perception). It's a weird system. He is on his last legs. It couldn't be more obvious. A couple weeks ago, he saw angels and to both of us, his life is ending.
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