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Old 03-06-2015, 03:10 PM
 
71,904 posts, read 71,942,576 times
Reputation: 49441

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
mathjak: I'm still trying to wrap my arms around the idea of losing a career path to disco.



dave - the disco comment ?

well i was a pro drummer and the handwritting was on the wall. the days of live music were numbered and the age of the dj and disco music was coming alive and my career path was likely not going to cut it.

my dad was a drummer and i wanted to follow his path.

sooooooo with no skills and no degree in anything i had to think long and hard about what i could do where i would not get obsoleted again.

so running through everything i could think of i ended up seeing this guy on tv in a white coat advertising a new school apex tech.

i figured most folks would rebuild and tinker with anything but commercial refrigeration and air conditiong equip. seemed to be off limits.

so i figured what the heck , i don't know a thing about it and i borrowed the money from the school and i gave it a go.


well that kicked off my career path and i just migrated for 40 years to different specialties.

but it all goes back to disco and dj's hurting my intented career path.

it was a wise choice as we still got to do weekend weddings and parties but there was not nearly as much work anymore as it took to make a full time gig a reliable choice.

having grown up in a nyc housing project there was just no way i would chance not meeting the financial goals i set as going back to live there was not going to be an option if i could help it.


i always wondered what my career path would have been if it wasn't for the disco music and dj scene causing that change in plans.

Last edited by mathjak107; 03-06-2015 at 03:22 PM..
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Old 03-06-2015, 03:21 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 885,690 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Travelassie and Montana, the post Dave quotes, above, is but one example of the kind of post that is not needed here. Coming from such a learned and financially savvy participant, it really gets harmfully in the way.
Yes, if one assumes the post is directed at them, and is a criticism and not a simple observation. But there's nothing there that isn't true, and nothing there that can harm me. I am guilty of much of what I read there, btw. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself to admit that, and it doesnt make me mad at the person pointing it out, because the poster isn't criticizing me specifically--just outlining some of the common choices in life that can lead to a less than optimal outcome...so you see I just read it differently, maybe. It's not intended to be a complete list. It is true that the times I have insisted on short-term gain or immediate gratification, I have ALWAYS sacrificed something else, often stupidly--and that's not just in financial terms at all. Why on earth would I feel angry with someone who pointed that out--even if they were directly lecturing me, which this poster is not?

It is naturally my mindset when I read something to be gleaning it for what I can use and what I can learn, so in some ways I just don't get my feelings hurt that easily, especially when it comes to financial stuff. I have always looked up to people who succeeeded and figured if they could do it I could too, or at least I could try. I never saw myself as less, and neither did my DH-- So seeking to divide myself from others by financial definitions has not ever been a thing for me in one direction or another. We're all on a path, and we all know the many forks we've passed to get where we are. Different for everybody. I do prefer to learn from others' mistakes, lol, and their successes as well when it fits my circumstances. I've never been competitive, so maybe that makes it easier for me not to get too excited about stuff like that.

However, in other aspects of life, I am not quite so logical; the hardest thing for me to learn over the years was not to take things personally (putting myself at the center of everyone else's scenario), and not to ascribe intent. I still struggle with this, especially as a mother, wife, friend. But when I am able to keep myself from ascribing intent, I'm more peaceful, kinder, and more open to seeing the good in people.

See? That was a lecture with intent.

Last edited by Montanama; 03-06-2015 at 03:49 PM..
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Old 03-06-2015, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Washington state
5,447 posts, read 2,774,465 times
Reputation: 16383
Honestly, in my short time here, I've seen fewer smug attitudes and less flaming of the poor than I have in other places. I usually post on the Yahoo message boards and I can remember in 2008 how post after post was about "us taxpayers supporting the leeches - it's their own fault because of poor life choices - I did everything right, why couldn't they?" If I posted anything about food stamps or the homeless that wasn't negative or tried to let people see some of the circumstances that lead to losing everything, I was practically crucified. But I'm really stubborn and I like a good argument, so I persisted.

I really don't see the same kind of hatred towards those less fortunate as much as I used to (my brother notwithstanding). Oh, it comes through occasionally, but not nearly as much as before. And here on CD, most people are very compassionate and supportive. The ones that may not be at least aren't vicious. So I think we've seen a major attitude shift in the last 7 years towards understanding what can happen to people when they least expect it and the fact that anything can happen to anybody.

If people are wary of posting here, it may be because of their previous experiences in other forums and social sites. If they were beaten up there, they may be thinking the same thing will happen to them here. I think that's why it's so important to not only state how you feel, but WHY you feel that way. At least this gives someone else the options to either refute or validate your opinion with reasons of their own. And when people can explain how and why things happened to them, they may be more willing to post.
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Old 03-06-2015, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,266 posts, read 54,712,832 times
Reputation: 66789
I think that even when people are not taking things personally and know that the facts of why some are in a certain financial situation apply to them they might shy away from participating in a conversation because they simply don't fit in. I think that's part of the OP's point. When I see threads centering around the great investments one has made and the money they've stashed to live in relative luxury during retirement, I know I don't belong in that conversation. The problem is that there haven't been many conversations available for the rest of us here on the Retirement forum. There is the "shoestring" thread, but that might be the other extreme.

A nice thread for those who aspire to retire and are trying to find their way to that goal might be welcome. Those of us in this position could maybe help one another out.
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Old 03-06-2015, 03:53 PM
 
Location: St. George, Utah
756 posts, read 885,690 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I think that even when people are not taking things personally and know that the facts of why some are in a certain financial situation apply to them they might shy away from participating in a conversation because they simply don't fit in. I think that's part of the OP's point. When I see threads centering around the great inestments one has made and the money they've stashed to live high during retirement, I know I don't belong in that conversation. The problem is that there haven't been many conversations available for the rest of us here on the Retirement forum. There is the "shoestring" thread, but that might be the other extreme.

A nice thread for those who aspire to retire and are trying to find their way to that goal might be welcome. Those of us in this position could maybe help one another out.
Yes, a sort of a "Retirement, really? How the heck to I get there from HERE?!" sort of a thread. I think there are LOTS of people in that situation (many in my personal life, resulting from such a wide and varied set of circumstances, and me if certain common life-events occur, lol), and lots of people with creative solutions as well that could be shared. Without lecturing.

ETA: But what happens if someone who is already in/on their way to a comfortable retirement has some information or input that could really be helpful, and tries to share it? How can they keep from being accused of grandstanding or being condescending or judgmental or speaking in code, or all manner of general nastiness? At some point folks need to learn to take what's useful and leave the rest, no matter "where" they go or how safe and "same" we try to make a community.
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Old 03-06-2015, 04:02 PM
 
143 posts, read 132,971 times
Reputation: 802
I think that most forum participants are well intentioned (a few, not so much). We occasionally see posts that outline "the ten best things I did to ensure a secure retirement," or "the ten stupidest things people did to screw up their retirement." What is common for both is that they provide a clear picture of the PAST. As others have pointed out, I hope young people are reading these. Over the years I found the least helpful assessment from someone regarding one of my problems was, "you should (or should not) have done that," particularly when it was clearly and often painfully obvious.

Members posting here should be comfortable with sharing their good fortune and bad, excellent decisions and poor ones, and be able to ask us "if you were me, what would you do NOW?" As I previously stated, we have a lot of smart, savvy forum members, some who seemingly have performed a "loaves and fishes retirement miracle" with very meager resources. I am in agreement with others that these stories of challenges and solutions should continue to be encouraged here, free of judgement when possible.
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Old 03-06-2015, 04:22 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,952,756 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I know the posters on here pretty well, and I don't think anyone's determined not to understand. The financial "info" given is cryptic, at best. It is not broken down for different levels of risk tolerance or asset level and so it winds up being a one-size-fits-all post that, if you read back over the years, often carries quite a bit of recrimination that backtracks over years that cannot be easily corrected. But then, maybe some of the advice posts are not really meant to be understood by all, just guessing.
Agreed. One of the golden rules in biz is: "It is what it is". E.g., go forward from this point.

I like that operational principle. It brings everything down to facts and forward movement, strips out the emotions.

But that's just me, lol!
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Old 03-06-2015, 04:31 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,952,756 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Travelassie and Montana, the post Dave quotes, above, is but one example of the kind of post that is not needed here. Coming from such a learned and financially savvy participant, it really gets harmfully in the way.
Oh, fer heaven's sake. Let's stop piling onto Mathjak. Waste of time to take offense at the slightest opportunity; to cherish resentments; and to imagine slights where none were intended.

I can't see into MJ's head, obviously. However, from a real dispassionate reading of his posts over the years, they are data-driven, fact-based, and devoid of oneupsmanship.

At the risk of beating a dead horse - let's all get over ourselves. We're falling into the ?millennial? ?gen y? patterns that we sometimes observe in others. At this age, we are not special snowflakes, for whom a plain presentation of fact causes irremediable harm. I, for one, have grown thicker skin than that, lol!

Best, Jane
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Old 03-06-2015, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,765,919 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelassie View Post
..................

It's really matter of choice whether or not to be offended at anything someone says, and IMO it's rather immature to take offense where it's not meant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
.............. I don't understand the need to constantly take offense and divide ourselves into groups--further increasing the misunderstanding between people who have much more in common than not.
Nail hit squarely on the head by both of you! Your two posts make me wish I could give double or triple reps. Most people are of good will if given half a chance. And the few who openly proclaim their glee and their delight at their own nastiness are at least letting us know where they are coming from, so we can be forewarned.
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Old 03-06-2015, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,629 posts, read 9,703,348 times
Reputation: 11024
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
There has been quite a bit, over the years, of "I saved from age 20, what's wrong with you"; "I and the wife have LTC at thousands of dollars per year, why don't you"; "you must have spent all your money on ipads, iphones, flatscreen TVs, brand new cars, and vacations, you idiot." There has been so much assumption around this I don't see how you could have missed it, and not from just one poster.
This is what kills me. I admit that when I read that stuff I have a bit of a knee jerk reaction just because I feel like someone is making some very large assumptions about me. Yes, I know I shouldn't take those things personally but when people paint with a broad brush I feel like it touches me a bit too. I don't own an ipad, iPhone or brand new car and I only go on vacation every two or three years. Although I do try to take a road trip near home now and then and it's been a long time since I've done that either. I do have a nice car but it's now ten years old and I didn't buy it till mine was 25 years old and nearly 300,000 miles. I couldn't pay cash for it...which got my hands slapped!...but I could "afford" it. I did buy a new TV and computer last Sept. but not till my old 20+ year old TV bit the dust and likewise my computer. I already had the money to pay for them because I didn't take a vacation. I have been working like a fool for years just so I could afford to buy a home to last me the rest of my life. Well, I've been told I probably should rent because blah blah blah. Even buying a house I've kept in mind that I HAVE to keep up to, at least, six months living expenses in the bank, which I've done. And if I need it for car/house maintenance, it's there. And even at that I KNOW that one big catastrophe would send me under a bridge! Although that won't happen because I know I'm more resourceful than that. And besides, if I did I'd want TWO fridge boxes so I could have a condo! lol

I was thinking the other day, as I was packing things up to move...hopefully soon!...that all my furniture is old and was ALL given to me over the years. I have never owned a brand new anything because I couldn't "afford" it and I will NEVER go into debt for it. I'm going to buy fitted furniture covers for my "old stuff" and will continue to 'make do'. It's in good shape yet, just starting to look kinda shabby. I AM going to buy, 'new to me', dining room and bedroom sets. I feel I have somehow 'earned' them after all these years. I have furnished so many places from things people have given me, yard sales and thrift stores and always made a comfortable home but I know I can never afford brand new. So yeah, it rankles me a bit when people seem to think I am in the circumstances I'm in because I've not been frugal or spent all my money on non necessities. It's just not true. I DON'T comment on those posts though. I just feel 'bad' for 30 seconds and move on.
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