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Old 04-09-2015, 11:23 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12810

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliotgb View Post
I am with you.

My brother-in-law died a few years back from bladder cancer at the age of 65.
Left behind a wife, 2 adult children and some young grandkids.

Never got a chance to retire.
This is a life lesson for me and I take it to heart.
He was a good guy, had a ton of friends that loved and cared for him and truly had a full life.

His sister, my wife (soon to be ex), is a born workaholic and I can see her keeling over at her desk some day ay the age of 80, trying to get that last report out. She already had a mini-nervous breakdown a few years ago.

I will have to make my own way, alone and with no family and few friends, but I don't intend to work myself to death, either. I see so many articles written by experts telling us we really should work to 70 or even 75. I am tired now and just can't see that happening.
I am 54. Just this year - barely 4 months - three classmates have passed away!!

2 had cancer, 1 had a stroke. Its scary. I retired from the air force in my 40s and that was it. People were surprised I didn't run out and get a job. I was lucky I guess - things fell into place.
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Old 04-17-2015, 05:37 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,164 posts, read 1,264,598 times
Reputation: 4451
Very informative thread. Lots to appreciate here. One thing I noticed, mentioned occasionally, or even just suggested, is the notion that "I was going to travel to Europe, or live on the beach " or other just plain, well, do what amounts to endless vacation things in their retirement until they died. And a sense of resentment that this was not the case. I don't get that. Why on earth would anyone think they would have a magical life in retirement, if they couldn't afford said magical life while working? my mother was sort of like that.

I'm not worried about our retirement, like some have said here, I've been lucky, though no big inheritance for us! I'm also lucky in that I like my job plenty and make good money thanks to a good education (that I paid for, with some help from my parents for 2 years, as we didn't have much income, and I knew it) and have a very desirable skill, as long as everyone continues to use electricity! DW and I have worked our whole lives, at not the most exciting jobs, that paid the greatest, but good benefits, and pensions that we always felt made up for it. Our plans are to try different things in retirement, but nothing extravagant, just what can be afforded on our income. But do things that time will allow. We've always known our income in retirement would be much less, and always planned our future that way. No big house, live average in a lower cost location, though certainly upper middle class. We have decent savings, above the national average & the defined pensions, nothing huge, but they will make all the difference in the world. Planning our best approach to taking income in retirement to make it last is very important to me, and DW expects me to learn everything and do it right!!

My own parents were not that way, when they talked about retirement. You know: "WhenIretireandmovetoFlorida" was one word, and they would live on the beach, and eat seafood and swim everyday. I heard that much of my life, and when I was young, I always thought retirement was some kind of prize you win kind of thing! I mean, WE, as a family had never been to the beach in Florida on a vacation! (we lived in NY, though we did all get hauled down to Disney about 2 years after it opened, 7 of us in a station wagon, and all stayed in some tiny one room hotel room for 3 days, before driving all the way back). My mother smoked like a chimney and passed, not unpredictably, from COPD complications at 68 because of it, but they did retire, in Florida, near the beach, much younger than any of us kids ever will, at 54 because of some great luck in the real estate market. My whole life, we kids always tried to get her to quit, eat right and exercise. All she did was smoke, drink instant coffee, and eat Entemanns, and gamble away her portion of her savings that she got from the divorce when my Dad couldn't take her self destructiveness anymore at 65. But she did buy a very small house with the divorce money so she always had that to fall back on. I visited her what ended up being 2 weeks before she passed, and we had long talks. She acted perfectly fine (except for the oxygen tank) as if she had years to go. She was actually a pretty good Mom, raising us OK, and was a good cook & housewife and I loved her, and have fantastic memories of growing up (along with some ugly ones, but who doesn't), but her views as to what was owed her in retirement and what things in life made her happy were pretty warped. She always told us to do what ever we wanted to be happy, and don't worry about what others say or the future because the future may never come. She told me she always felt betrayed that she could never enjoy her life because she had five kids and by the time she was free of them at 48, her life had already passed her by. Weird stuff. There is NO way, she could have lived to ripe old age the way she spent money, and I always think she was self destructive because she never wanted to live too long and run out of money. So she had 14 years of that retirement and though it was the greatest. Dad is still alive, doing well and tells me "Don't retire early. I wish I hadn't". To each their own. I'm planning on 63, so maybe 6 years, but I'll see how I feel when that approaches.

Thanks for offering so many viewpoints. I really like the input here!
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:34 AM
 
761 posts, read 637,452 times
Reputation: 2229
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
Very informative thread. Lots to appreciate here. One thing I noticed, mentioned occasionally, or even just suggested, is the notion that "I was going to travel to Europe, or live on the beach " or other just plain, well, do what amounts to endless vacation things in their retirement until they died. And a sense of resentment that this was not the case. I don't get that. Why on earth would anyone think they would have a magical life in retirement, if they couldn't afford said magical life while working? my mother was sort of like that.

I'm not worried about our retirement, like some have said here, I've been lucky, though no big inheritance for us! I'm also lucky in that I like my job plenty and make good money thanks to a good education (that I paid for, with some help from my parents for 2 years, as we didn't have much income, and I knew it) and have a very desirable skill, as long as everyone continues to use electricity! DW and I have worked our whole lives, at not the most exciting jobs, that paid the greatest, but good benefits, and pensions that we always felt made up for it. Our plans are to try different things in retirement, but nothing extravagant, just what can be afforded on our income. But do things that time will allow. We've always known our income in retirement would be much less, and always planned our future that way. No big house, live average in a lower cost location, though certainly upper middle class. We have decent savings, above the national average & the defined pensions, nothing huge, but they will make all the difference in the world. Planning our best approach to taking income in retirement to make it last is very important to me, and DW expects me to learn everything and do it right!!

My own parents were not that way, when they talked about retirement. You know: "WhenIretireandmovetoFlorida" was one word, and they would live on the beach, and eat seafood and swim everyday. I heard that much of my life, and when I was young, I always thought retirement was some kind of prize you win kind of thing! I mean, WE, as a family had never been to the beach in Florida on a vacation! (we lived in NY, though we did all get hauled down to Disney about 2 years after it opened, 7 of us in a station wagon, and all stayed in some tiny one room hotel room for 3 days, before driving all the way back). My mother smoked like a chimney and passed, not unpredictably, from COPD complications at 68 because of it, but they did retire, in Florida, near the beach, much younger than any of us kids ever will, at 54 because of some great luck in the real estate market. My whole life, we kids always tried to get her to quit, eat right and exercise. All she did was smoke, drink instant coffee, and eat Entemanns, and gamble away her portion of her savings that she got from the divorce when my Dad couldn't take her self destructiveness anymore at 65. But she did buy a very small house with the divorce money so she always had that to fall back on. I visited her what ended up being 2 weeks before she passed, and we had long talks. She acted perfectly fine (except for the oxygen tank) as if she had years to go. She was actually a pretty good Mom, raising us OK, and was a good cook & housewife and I loved her, and have fantastic memories of growing up (along with some ugly ones, but who doesn't), but her views as to what was owed her in retirement and what things in life made her happy were pretty warped. She always told us to do what ever we wanted to be happy, and don't worry about what others say or the future because the future may never come. She told me she always felt betrayed that she could never enjoy her life because she had five kids and by the time she was free of them at 48, her life had already passed her by. Weird stuff. There is NO way, she could have lived to ripe old age the way she spent money, and I always think she was self destructive because she never wanted to live too long and run out of money. So she had 14 years of that retirement and though it was the greatest. Dad is still alive, doing well and tells me "Don't retire early. I wish I hadn't". To each their own. I'm planning on 63, so maybe 6 years, but I'll see how I feel when that approaches.

Thanks for offering so many viewpoints. I really like the input here!
Sorry to hear about your mother!
I had a brother who passed from COPD and more than 1 uncle from lung cancer due to cigarette smoking. Many people don't realize that smoking can cause bladder cancer as well. I have seen my BIL go through that and die and it wasn't pretty.

I smoked 3 packs back in the day, quit in 1985 and never looked back.
Dedicated the rest of my life to better eating and exercise on a regular basis.
Not many old dudes my age at 62 that can do one armed chinups.

I still have a cousin with COPD that smokes like a chimney and a former boss here at work who smokes through his bladder cancer.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:50 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,900 posts, read 1,582,286 times
Reputation: 7913
Resonates with me too... my 2 lifelong best friends + another very close friend from teenaged years all died in their mid-50s, all were still smokers, 1 cancer & 2 heart disease. All my other friends are out of state, no one left around from my past anymore. I smoked then too but tried to quit often so was 50/50 smoking/non for about 20 years, quit 15 years ago but still wonder if it will come back to haunt me, I've made it to 63 & consider smoking the single worst decision of my life.

To get back on topic, I suppose it can be a passive/aggressive tactic for those who never prepared for retirement to just shrug your shoulders at self-destructive behavior as my friends did.
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Old 04-29-2015, 04:16 AM
 
Location: Cochise County, AZ
1,317 posts, read 833,123 times
Reputation: 2864
Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter View Post
RETIRED just means that the retired person is there. There is no place for "should have or could have or poor planning incrimination" Financial discussion should be centered only on the best way to handle whatever you have once you arrived.
I concur 100%!

Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter View Post
In reality, I doubt that we could keep certain posters from the "shoulda, coulda" comments along with incriminating remarks, as much as would like to see them stop. But there is certainly no place for it for the people who have already arrived at retirement.

Maybe, the answer is a more active moderator participation is this department, and the moderator just removing those remarks from the posts. Not necessarily the post itself as there may contain other useful information in it, just the inappropriate remarks. That might help keep people a little more aware of their remarks and their effects on posters and think twice before they post such responses.
I've been astounded by the number of posts on this forum that are like that I agree more active moderation to remove the sniping would be appreciated by many.

Quote:
Originally Posted by modhatter View Post
Call me crazy, but judging from the Retiring on a Literal Shoestring thread that survived for six years with 3,598 posts, which dealt with limited retirement income issues, would lead me to believe there is a large audience out there who would like to feel at home in discussing their financial concerns in Retirement, who may not have the resources to benefit from all of Mathjak's fine financial strategies.
Amen, amen! Kudos to you for your insightful post [insert applause icon here]
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