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Old 03-08-2015, 10:15 AM
 
118 posts, read 140,755 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Interesting about your parents. It must have been an extremely expensive proposition to heat to 80 degrees in the northern PA mountains. Are you saying that your mother didn't want to move and your father acquiesced, or that is was really his free choice? Inertia can be strong in some folks.
I loved him dearly, but my father was a dictator. He chose what to do throughout their 60 year marriage, and my mother went along with it.

Where to begin talking about my Dad??? He was an interesting man. He chose to buy 20 acres of land in his 50s after leaving TWA because he could no longer handle the job he had in the hangers physically due to his disability. So instead, he cashed out a life insurance policy, bought 20 acres of undeveloped land in the rural suburbs outside Philadelphia, cleared the property himelf, and built a house. He still had 3 small children at this time; I was one of them. The only income at that point was his social security disability check. He had no formal education past the 6th grade, but he drew up the architectural plans for the house, and built it together with my mom. Yes - they BUILT the house together. Literally and physically. He was told he couldn't work, so he decided to build a house. Not something my mom wanted to do, but she was his wife and she did what he wanted. My mom and dad did mostly everything except for drywall and electrical. He took wood from pigpen structures that were on the property and planed them down to make our kitchen cabinets. He straightened out nails from the salvaged lumber to reuse. He made his own walking canes from trees that were on the property. He gardened several acres so we would have food to eat and also to sell for some extra cash. My mom did not want this lifestyle in particular, but it was what he wanted and she worked side by side with him because, to her, that is what a good wife does. She loved him. It was as simple as that. In the meantime I grew up in a house that was always under construction in some way. Two people do not build a house quickly - it takes time. We moved into the cinderblock basement before the upstairs levels were complete. Not something you could do today at all with certificate of occupancy regulations. There are photos of my younger sister and I playing in the construction site, using lumber propped up against concrete walls as slides.

Anyway, tons of stories that I could tell from that part of my life. My Mom and Dad always working on something - despite my Dad becoming more and more disabled. The man was too stubborn to slow down. He hauled himself up on the tractor best he could. He used a cane - always.

Fast forward to my latter teen years, and my Dad decided he wanted to build ANOTHER house. So they bought 50 acres, this time in upstate PA. That's where he wanted to go. And they started building that house. That proved to be way beyond his physical capabilities by this point, and he had to contract out most of the work to get it completed. Not an easy thing, since my Dad was very opinionated and wanted to tell the contractors how to do everything.

Long story short, yes, my Dad chose all those paths from the time he had to leave the work force due to disability. It astounds me to this day what he accomplished physically despite struggling with a progressive neuro-muscular disease. I honestly don't know how he did it. And my mother stayed by his side and supported his decisions - because she loved him despite all his obstinance and all his faults. He was a stubborn man who was convinced he was always right. He could be tyrannical. He was complex. He had some undiagnosed mental health issues. But absolutely, up until the last couple of years of his life when he had to go into a nursing home, he did not do anything he did not want to do. He made the choices. And my mother followed.

I was happy to see that my mother was able to make her own choices for her life once he passed away. She chose to sell the house with 50 acres and buy a house in town when she was almost 80 where she lived by herself for a number of years. On her own terms finally. And then she moved in with one of my sisters for the last several years of her life until she passed at 94.

My parents have both taught me a lot about making choices, each in their own distinct way. They have also taught me a lot about what it means to be strong, again each in their own way.

Ruth

Last edited by ruthinraleigh; 03-08-2015 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 03-08-2015, 10:44 AM
 
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Being physically able to build a house and clear land while collecting social security disability seems to have a disconnect.
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Old 03-08-2015, 10:45 AM
 
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yeah ,what is wrong with that picture. lol
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Old 03-08-2015, 11:42 AM
 
118 posts, read 140,755 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tom1944 View Post
Being physically able to build a house and clear land while collecting social security disability seems to have a disconnect.
Valid observation. And here's the explanation.

He was unable to work at the pace that was expected of him as a laborer working for a company. He had gotten slow, prone to drop things, stumble, trip, that sort of thing.

He was asked to take early retirement because he could no longer physically work at the level they wanted him to work at. He was not fast enough. He was still thorough and meticulous in his work, but he was too slow.

So now you have a man in his 50s, who had always been a construction worker or laborer, who now uses a cane, and never passed the 6th grade so has no education to fall back on, and still has to provide for his family.

Not someone who could go out and pick up another laborer job easily. Which was all he knew. Who would hire him?

On his own, he could work at the pace he could set for himself. It was slow. But the man was a damn hard worker. Like I mentioned, the house I grew up in was always under some level of construction. It didn't happen quickly.
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Old 03-08-2015, 02:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jane_sm1th73 View Post

I'm holding my nose about it, but I'm still here for the jobs. Which the illegal aliens (so far) can't crash, because they only speak the language enough to breed and fill out the paperwork to get on welfare (with an interpreter, of course).
Wow.
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Old 03-08-2015, 06:59 PM
 
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rut- that is a perfectly reasonable explanation and clearly your dad was deserving of the benefit.
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Old 03-09-2015, 12:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by House4kids View Post
He has family history of sudden death (heart) before 60. Dad at 59, paternal grandfather at 53. I am praying that he is still alive when I retire - somewhere between 56 and 62 probably.
The majority of heart attacks are preventable. A lot of people who have a family history of heart disease assume it's genetic. That's not always the case. Dietary habits also run in families and the Standard American Diet (SAD) is a big contributor to heart disease:

Forks Over Knives | Official Website
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Old 03-09-2015, 12:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
That goes without saying and is obvious.
It's not obvious to those who don't plan.
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Old 03-14-2015, 12:34 AM
 
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I for sure know how we plan and stuff happens along the way. My husband was getting ready to retire in a few weeks he was hit from behind c2 c3 broken neck kidney damage we thought he was going to be ok ready to sign on a retirement home the day we were going to sign he had bad back pains went to er here he had cancer 65 he died about 13 months later .I now am building a 23oosq ft home in fl around 3 blocks from my old house due to not wanting to leave my drs when he was here i was moving to Sarasota fl but now Orlando i did meet a nice man not getting married but nice to share my life again with someone .I don't like being alone I just hope I can enjoy life again such a hard loss but I know he wants me to be happy I do really miss him a lot but very grateful to have him 25 years.
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Old 03-14-2015, 03:14 AM
 
71,595 posts, read 71,751,865 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger View Post
The majority of heart attacks are preventable. A lot of people who have a family history of heart disease assume it's genetic. That's not always the case. Dietary habits also run in families and the Standard American Diet (SAD) is a big contributor to heart disease:

Forks Over Knives | Official Website
mom died at 52 from hear disease , dad at 68 i think -stroke.

so far at 62 all is well , i am on a strict diabetic diet , no meds at all and run 3 miles every other day.

just went for an echo cardiogram and carotid artery test. all is well so you know it aint genes playing a big part.. been a gym rat for 15 years now.
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