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Old 03-07-2015, 07:24 AM
 
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We will stay by our daughter and if she moves we will follow.
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Old 03-07-2015, 08:01 AM
 
11,262 posts, read 8,421,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanama View Post
I hope God decides Cuba or Hawaii!!
I've heard Gitmo is nice! I don't relish going back to Oahu. btdt. It would feel like going backwards. I have an application for a job on Kauai. THAT would be nice. So much beauty.

Okinawa wasn't my favorite place but there's good snorkeling! It's rather tropical.

Rota is pretty amazing as is Sig. Never been to either but WOW they look like good places to spend a couple of years! *sing with me* Well I've never been to Spain...

So back on topic. We want to be near grandkids if the job lands us there, if not, we'll have to save up for flights.
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Old 03-07-2015, 12:42 PM
 
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I am now a 61-year-old grandmother of three, but there is NO WAY I would ever follow my daughter around the country; and I would not advise anyone else to do it, either, unless you have a GREAT relationship with your child and his/her spouse and all of you love each other very much.

I had the misfortune of being the only child of an only child who died when I was an infant. My mother had the absolute gall [sarcasm] to remarry to a wonderful man who adopted me, and they had four more children. My grandmother resented my mother and her new husband to no end, and nothing they could do could please her. They eventually moved across the country when I was nine years old, and my grandparents sold their house to follow them, BUT they chose to live 90 miles away. After that, they expected my adopted dad to make monthly trips to their house so that they could see me, and then my grandmother laid such enormous guilt trips on me that I ended up hating her.

Yes, my situation is quite unique, but my opinion remains what it is.

Last edited by katharsis; 03-07-2015 at 01:06 PM..
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Old 03-07-2015, 12:59 PM
PDD
 
Location: The Sand Hills of NC
8,774 posts, read 14,861,737 times
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It's great to be around grand kids when they are cute little kids but then they turn into teenagers and what retired person of sound mind wants to be around teenagers.

NTY, I can get along just fine without grand kids.
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Old 03-07-2015, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Florida
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Our kids moved to a high rent state with weather that sucks. They visit us on the gulf coast where they grew up and are always happy to do so.
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Old 03-07-2015, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,729,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
...........Gosh, if we had decided to move to where our grandkids were, we would have ended up moving twice in the last four years. It might work for some, but my guess for most it would only be a mistake for reasons pointed out by the above quote.

The idea of following our kids and grandkids around the country does not appeal to us. We like where we live and being connected locally.

Thoughts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tom1944 View Post
We will stay by our daughter and if she moves we will follow.
Well, the two posts are the point and counterpoint of the whole discussion. It just depends on what people's priorities are. Tom1944 is willing to absorb the costs of moving as well as do all the work involved in moving because it's worth it TO HIM. He is also willing to live in a place where he doesn't care for the climate because being near his daughter is more important TO HIM. (Or maybe it's his wife who is driving the priorities and he wants to stay married to her, who knows)?

Those wouldn't be my priorities if I had children, at least I don't think so, but I would never argue that Tom1944 is doing the wrong thing. I relate better to what Mr5150 is saying - personally I would rather choose my place based on what I like and I would rather not disrupt my local connections, but we all have different priorities.
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Old 03-08-2015, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,786 posts, read 19,886,317 times
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This is definitely one of those situations where there just is no right or wrong or best or worst.
Too many things are totally dependent on each persons own feelings and priorities and family relationships.
jean_ji is fortunate in several respects to be able to juggle all things and end up with an almost perfect combination.
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Old 03-08-2015, 06:23 AM
 
4,343 posts, read 6,054,558 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tom1944 View Post
We will stay by our daughter and if she moves we will follow.
Do you live in a Winnebago? Seriously, I don't mean to be insensitive but I think grandparents are the most attractive to their grandkids when they're living their own lives, having their own adventures, and have stories to tell.
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Old 03-08-2015, 07:37 AM
 
2,394 posts, read 2,061,524 times
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Escort nailed our reasons. We have one child so we will always want to live close to her. Our family experience with our parents also show that the grandchildren have had a wonderful relationship that has enriched all of their lives. My parents who are in their 80's are in frequent communication either by phone or in person with all of their grandchildren. The kids range from 15-30. In fact two of the grandkids lived for a short period of time with my parents while they settled into new jobs or internships near their grandparents homes.

Now I would not leave my parents if my child moved now but ultimately we would relocate by her. We would continue to move if she moved.

Our family experience has shown us the value of being close by. Yours may differ. To each their own.
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Old 03-08-2015, 11:53 AM
 
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Such an interesting discussion. This has been uppermost in our minds lately and we are quite seriously considering a move.

For some reason it seemed like an idea to raise our sons to be strong, independent men. To make their own decisions about their lives and follow through on those decision. We are now seriously rethinking that course of action (just kidding) because those boys have followed their own hearts and careers. They live far away.

We live in Wisconsin, on a small beautiful lake. Pretty much our dream come true. Our birth families, siblings and parents, live 2 hours away where we also raised our families. However, our sons don't live here and we miss them. Plain and simple.

The son with children, 3 years and 17 months live in Wyoming. While he has moved several times in his 7 year marriage, they have now built a house and for various reasons, including an excellent job with the federal government, all signs indicate they are there for the long haul.

We have visited then at least every 3 months since the youngest was born. We love these visits, but it's not the same.

We are very fortunate in that we retired young. Still in our mid 50's. We love to travel, see new things. The truth is that with our frequent visits to see those grandkidlets, at least a week each time, we are not allowing as much time to travel other places. A bit of a quandary.

The solution we are seriously considering is a move to either Colorado or Wyoming. Where they live in Casper is not really for us. The extreme cold of winter is very similar to what we experience where we live and has become a real problem for me. Add in the pretty amazing winds - pretty much out of the question for us.

So, a move to be 2-4 hours drive away. A few simple things factor into this decision. This boy has lived away from us since he was 18 years old and went into the Air Force. We get along great and want to preserve that excellent relationship. A buffer zone seems like a very good idea for us.

This 2-4 hour buffer would allow for frequent visits. Have breakfast at home and be with them by lunch. It would also put us closer to son #2 who resides in Palm Springs. It's not as much of an issue with him as he travels frequently and we see him much more often no matter where any of us are.

Closer to kids and grandkids. Still enable us to live our own lives. In short, I miss my boys. Have a great relationship with our daughter in law and want to grow the relationship with those little ones.

Still thinking it over, decision is not made as yet. Much will depend on what realtors tell us we can get for our present home.

Regardless, I swear I hear the call of those little ones all the way across this 1000 miles.

Not an easy decision and different for all of us.

Namaste,
S
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