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Old 03-06-2015, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,396 posts, read 9,143,473 times
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I have heard more than once, "I want to move to be close to my grandkids".

This thread inspired by this quote from a CD poster:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CDposter View Post

Where our children and grandchildren live is not a factor as with today's mobile society, too many have moved to be near them or stayed in place because of them only to have them pick-up and move elsewhere as jobs, finances, medical issues, weather patterns or new employment opportunities have beckoned or dictated.

How willing are you to let your children and/or grandchildren essentially dictate how and where you spend your retirement years? We're certainly not.
Gosh, if we had decided to move to where our grandkids were, we would have ended up moving twice in the last four years. It might work for some, but my guess for most it would only be a mistake for reasons pointed out by the above quote.

The idea of following our kids and grandkids around the country does not appeal to us. We like where we live and being connected locally.

Thoughts?
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Old 03-06-2015, 02:34 PM
 
71,573 posts, read 71,730,589 times
Reputation: 49168
we can't control where our kids move and we certainly wouldn't follow them all over the country.

but what we wouldn't do is leave them. both my parents and marilyns parents both did it and moved away down south.

for the most part they were out of the daily life of all of us .and were really just a vacation stop.

the odds are pretty good the kids will be here at least for a long while so we will enjoy them as long as we can but we will not be the ones to leave them .

they are not that close but they all live within 1 hour of us and we see at least one set every week. we have 3 sets of kids , grandkids and spouses to visit.

Last edited by mathjak107; 03-06-2015 at 02:50 PM..
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Old 03-06-2015, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,507,006 times
Reputation: 27565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
I have heard more than once, "I want to move to be close to my grandkids".

This thread inspired by this quote from a CD poster:



Gosh, if we had decided to move to where our grandkids were, we would have ended up moving twice in the last four years. It might work for some, but my guess for most it would only be a mistake for reasons pointed out by the above quote.

The idea of following our kids and grandkids around the country does not appeal to us. We like where we live and being connected locally.

Thoughts?
My MIL tried that with her daughter.
She moved up north to LI from Florida. She said their once a year visits were not enough.

Her 4 grandkids were not at the house all the time like she imagined.
They were teens with friends and active social lives and then each one went away to college.

She didn't make any friends her own age. She went up there 100% for the grandkids.
She ended up moving back to Florida. She took a pretty big financial hit with selling/buying/selling and now rents.

She doesn't talk much about those years up north.

It works out fine when the grandkids are kids. But once they hit the teenage years their friends and their goals take priority.
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Old 03-06-2015, 02:50 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,579,794 times
Reputation: 3810
We ll never have grandkids.

The closest would be great niece or nephew. They re a military
family so moving to be near them is out.
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Old 03-06-2015, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,507,006 times
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Now my son has Colorado on his mind. He lives close now but if he decides to move to CO I have no intention of packing up and following him.
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Old 03-06-2015, 05:42 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,433 posts, read 1,668,181 times
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We did move to where the grandkids are, one of the better decisions we ever made. I wouldn't have missed this time for anything. We snowbird between FL and NY and spend 8 months in FL. The other grands have a home here too and spend their spring/summers here and head back to England when we come down in the fall again. We moved when the youngest was 3 months old. I spent this morning watching the 6 year old run/walk 17 laps around the school track for a fundraiser, something I wouldn't have made a special flight for and I'm a part of their everyday lives.

DH ended up taking a position within his company in the Southeast for a promotion and doing work he really loves. His other position was going national, which is when we realized we could move. He would have never thought of interviewing for the SE job if we hadn't moved here. He's able to do this job from NY for the few months we are there as his job involves air travel for the most part. He does spend some weeks in FL during the summer. The NY home is nearing the end, nothing is holding us there anymore.

If the kids do move one day, we will have spent the best time with the g-kids: when grandparents are an important part of their lives. We now live in a beautiful area we love with beaches, bicycling, kayaking and gardening, so it's not like we are sacrificing our lives here.

But I forgot, this is the retirement forum with threads where someone always know what is best for everyone, no exceptions no matter what the individual circumstances. I'm sure someone will come along here tellng me why it isn't possible to really enjoy my grandchildren, love the area we are in and be happy.

Last edited by jean_ji; 03-06-2015 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 03-06-2015, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,737,509 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post
We did move to where the grandkids are, one of the better decisions we ever made. I wouldn't have missed this time for anything. We snowbird between FL and NY and spend 8 months in FL. The other grands have a home here too and spend their spring/summers here and head back to England when we come down in the fall again. We moved when the youngest was 3 months old. I spent this morning watching the 6 year old run/walk 17 laps around the school track for a fundraiser, something I wouldn't have made a special flight for and I'm a part of their everyday lives, not the special occasion grandmother, a choice I was fortunate to make.

DH ended up taking a position within his company in the Southeast for a promotion and doing work he really loves. His other position was going national, which is when we realized we could move. He would have never though of interviewing for the SE job if we hadn't moved here. He's able to do this job from NY for the few months we are there as his job involves air travel for the most part. He does spend some weeks in FL during the summer. The NY home is nearing the end, nothing is holding us there anymore.

If the kids do move one day, we will have spent the best time with the g-kids: when grandparents are an important part of their lives. We now live in a beautiful area we love with beaches, bicycling, kayaking and gardening, so it's not like we are sacrificing our lives here.

But I forgot, this is the retirement forum with threads where someone always know what is best for everyone, no exceptions, I'm sure someone will come along here trying to make me feel bad that I enjoy my grandchildren, love the area we are in and am happy. How dare I?

I am disheartened to see all of these negative threads thinly disguised as a some sort of a public service message to help people. Most are just another axe to grind on choices people are making. Make your own choices and leave everyone else alone to make theirs. Who cares if anyone else would never let their children and granchildren dictate their lives? That's their choice, but why do they feel compelled to make it everyone else's decision?
I think you are reading too much into other people's posts. We all have our stories - some are success stories such as yours and some are stories that didn't quite work out such as that of the mother-in-law of Happy Texan upthread here. The OP of this thread asked us for our thoughts. I haven't yet read any thoughts which I interpreted as being generalized advice designed to apply to everybody.

I have no axe to grind here, as I do not have grandchildren. So why did I even start reading this thread? Because people's stories are interesting and I am interested in experiences which differ from mine just as much (or perhaps more) as stories of people who are the same as me.

You might consider just delighting in your own good experience (congratulations!) and dropping the over-sensitivity to other people's posts. Moving to be close to one's grandkids is neither good nor bad per se, as there are a number of variables involved.

Last edited by Escort Rider; 03-06-2015 at 06:31 PM..
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Old 03-06-2015, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,682,513 times
Reputation: 10960
Quote:
Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post
We did move to where the grandkids are, one of the better decisions we ever made. I wouldn't have missed this time for anything. We snowbird between FL and NY and spend 8 months in FL. The other grands have a home here too and spend their spring/summers here and head back to England when we come down in the fall again. We moved when the youngest was 3 months old. I spent this morning watching the 6 year old run/walk 17 laps around the school track for a fundraiser, something I wouldn't have made a special flight for and I'm a part of their everyday lives.

DH ended up taking a position within his company in the Southeast for a promotion and doing work he really loves. His other position was going national, which is when we realized we could move. He would have never thought of interviewing for the SE job if we hadn't moved here. He's able to do this job from NY for the few months we are there as his job involves air travel for the most part. He does spend some weeks in FL during the summer. The NY home is nearing the end, nothing is holding us there anymore.

If the kids do move one day, we will have spent the best time with the g-kids: when grandparents are an important part of their lives. We now live in a beautiful area we love with beaches, bicycling, kayaking and gardening, so it's not like we are sacrificing our lives here.

But I forgot, this is the retirement forum with threads where someone always know what is best for everyone, no exceptions no matter what the individual circumstances. I'm sure someone will come along here tellng me why it isn't possible to really enjoy my grandchildren, love the area we are in and be happy.
I honestly haven't seen anything like that in this thread and I think you are having the same type of 'knee jerk reaction' that I sometimes have with posts in this forum. I think you are VERY lucky to have the relationship you do with your kids and grkids because I think most of us don't. I sincerely hope you get to enjoy it for many years to come.

I wouldn't move to be close to my grkids...or kids. But then I already live where most of them do. Doesn't mean I get to see them very often though. My older daughter jumps back and forth from here to another state every few years. All four of her kids are here as well as their kids. My son will never live anywhere near me because he loves his birth state and won't leave. My younger daughter lives here and will likely never leave. She lives 45 miles away and I rarely hear from her. My grkids range in age 18-34 and most are married and have their own families. They don't have much time for the 'old folks'. So, I wouldn't move anywhere any of them did in the hopes I'd get to spend more time with them, etc..

We all make our own choices, as you have, and most of us are happy with those choices regardless of what they are. If we aren't we can make changes. The beauty of not being tied down by jobs and all that good stuff.
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Old 03-06-2015, 06:17 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,141,183 times
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If we had kids (and they had kids), which we don't, there is no way we would move just to be close to the grandkids. The reasons have all been noted up-thread. There is way too much economic chaos to assume anyone will stay in the same geography for very long. Move for your own situation, if it makes sense. But not just to be with family members for an unknown amount of time.
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Old 03-06-2015, 06:26 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,433 posts, read 1,668,181 times
Reputation: 8687
The quote the OP was referring to used the phrase "children and/or grandchildren essentially dictate where you live." That wording is inflammatory and I did react to it. I guess the train wreck of the "where are the people who don't have enough to retire" and similar threads with judgemental tones has worn me out this week and I am disheartened and sensitive. Time to give C-D a break for a bit and regain some equanimity.
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