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Old 01-11-2008, 05:04 PM
 
12,983 posts, read 12,871,380 times
Reputation: 19667

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Where To Retire...

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open the oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.

You can live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You think that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Maine where...
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over Parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "he needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You could live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $4,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the Mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind....even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
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Old 01-12-2008, 12:09 PM
 
528 posts, read 2,232,617 times
Reputation: 404
very funny, thanks for posting it !
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Old 01-12-2008, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
30,348 posts, read 27,825,650 times
Reputation: 81379
that cuts my list of cities down. Now where to retire,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:27 PM
 
Location: Oregon Coast
1,848 posts, read 6,252,021 times
Reputation: 1383
That covers a lot of our choices doesn't it? Now I know why it's so hard to decide where to retire. I'm thinking of staying in the northwest.
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
7,731 posts, read 12,199,250 times
Reputation: 5948
Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzymystic View Post
Where To Retire...

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open the oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.

You can live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You think that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Maine where...
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over Parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "he needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You could live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $4,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the Mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind....even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
Very funny!
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Old 01-13-2008, 06:49 PM
 
Location: home...finally, home .
8,236 posts, read 18,529,576 times
Reputation: 17765
very enjoyable. Thanks for that post. How about one for the Northwest???
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Old 01-14-2008, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Official Missourian-Pray for the Natives
382 posts, read 972,685 times
Reputation: 374
Talking My turn, my turn....

Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzymystic View Post
Where To Retire...

You can live in the deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "he needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
Ah, pleeze, let me speak....

5. Everyone owns a gun and has known how to shoot since they started walking.
6. Pick a fight with a man. The women can beat the tar out of you and never muss their hairdos nor break a nail.
7. Better love fried cooking.
8. Thunder, thunderation, tarnation are considered curse words by the genteel.
9. Do all yur sinning Mon - Sat and attend church on Sunday with all the rest. Your sins will be forgiven - or at least, smaller in comparison to most.
10. Better own a pick-um-up, or you ain't southern.
11. Drive like a bat out of heck, lestways you git turned into road kill.
12. Know what grits is and you luv 'em.
13. Tornados ain't nuttin but a big gust of wind.
14. Ma'am and Sir are mandatory titles of respect, lessen you get your teeth knocked out. Get over it.
15. We ain't inbred, at least for most of us.
16. Tea ain't tea unless it is on "the rocks".
17. Just cause we talk funny doesn't mean we ain't edjamakated.
18. A/C and ceiling fans are a way of life in this humidity.
19. WallyWorld is a meet and greet center.
20. Elvis was born in Tupelo, MS. Nuff said!!!!!!!

I could go on but there is just so much time in one day to provide learnin to the un-know-its.
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Old 01-14-2008, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 16,592,476 times
Reputation: 5692
I needed these laughs.
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Old 01-14-2008, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
2,172 posts, read 6,890,681 times
Reputation: 1525
Y'all is plural. Always. No exceptions. Ever.
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Old 01-14-2008, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Oregon Coast
1,848 posts, read 6,252,021 times
Reputation: 1383
The Northwest

1. Drinking coffee is a must do.
2. Using an Umbrella in Oregon means You come from out of state.
3. You socialize at the local bookstore or library.
4. We all own computers and,many have web sites.
5. It's rainy or gloomy half of the year.
6. You don't expect to see the sun until July.
7. Riding a bike and public transportation is the way to travel in the City.
8. Spiders raid the place during September.
9. Many learn to camp,ski,and hike before they are old enough to go to school.
10. You eat fish instead of steak or you are a vegen.

Still I can't complain too much. I do like it here.
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