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Old 04-02-2015, 02:07 PM
 
6,551 posts, read 1,344,624 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hackwriter View Post
One of the most insensitive things I heard after my husband died was "Don't you wish now that you'd had kids? Who's going to take care of you in your old age?"

Oh, and a comment about wills: My mother used to change her will whenever she was angry at one or the other of us. My sister and I agreed that no matter what the will said, after the distribution was made we would split everything 50/50, plus whatever my sister felt she needed for "battle pay" and things Mom had needed that she was too cheap to pay for -- like a furnace for her own house. My sister asked for a very reasonable figure, I let her have that amount, and we had NO arguments about inheritance. Those of you with siblings might want to take notes, for wills can destroy family relationships for generations.
If only more people were as reasonable and as sensible as you and your sister are!

And I also completely agree that people who have kids primarily because of what the kids might do for them are very selfish, at least in this day and age (maybe it was different 125 years ago when, for example, family farms were more common and a lot of help was need just to make ends meet).

But today in the modern world? People, in my opinion, should not have kids unless they are willing and able to properly care for them, without a single thought about getting a return on their "investment"!
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:30 AM
 
39,225 posts, read 20,343,317 times
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I was at a doctors office in the waiting room and there was an elderly and middle aged woman sitting next to me. I could overhear them talking, the elderly woman was saying that Brad could do this and Brad needs to fix that, and I want Brad to do this and that. She had Brad doing so much. I could see the younger woman getting irritated. Finally the younger woman said, you know, my husband does have a life outside you, you know.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:49 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,586,137 times
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Maybe it's just because neither of my parents ever required any long-term care, and each one lived a pretty long life and they simply keeled over one day…and that was it. But of the friends who have taken on the role of caregiver, it strikes me that there seems to be a needless amount of intra-family 'drama' and 'guilt-tripping' associated with the whole thang, especially in an age when so many insurance programs will also cover some sort of in-home care or "relief".
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,215,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I was at a doctors office in the waiting room and there was an elderly and middle aged woman sitting next to me. I could overhear them talking, the elderly woman was saying that Brad could do this and Brad needs to fix that, and I want Brad to do this and that. She had Brad doing so much. I could see the younger woman getting irritated. Finally the younger woman said, you know, my husband does have a life outside you, you know.
Ahhhh. But did the middle aged woman also tell the elderly woman that she, the younger woman, deserves a life outside as well? She should have.
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Old 04-03-2015, 11:01 AM
 
39,225 posts, read 20,343,317 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
Ahhhh. But did the middle aged woman also tell the elderly woman that she, the younger woman, deserves a life outside as well? She should have.
Well the elderly lady was focused on what the middle aged woman's husband had to do for her. Yes she should have though.
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Old 04-03-2015, 11:02 AM
 
39,225 posts, read 20,343,317 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
Maybe it's just because neither of my parents ever required any long-term care, and each one lived a pretty long life and they simply keeled over one day…and that was it. But of the friends who have taken on the role of caregiver, it strikes me that there seems to be a needless amount of intra-family 'drama' and 'guilt-tripping' associated with the whole thang, especially in an age when so many insurance programs will also cover some sort of in-home care or "relief".
No they don't, especially if the parents didn't prepare for it.
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Old 04-03-2015, 11:07 AM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,586,137 times
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^ ^ Depends on income and other factors, but I do volunteer work with disabled adults here in Cali, often low income, who receive in-home nursing care and help with assisted living all the time, thru state programs and medical/medicare.
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:15 PM
 
39,225 posts, read 20,343,317 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
^ ^ Depends on income and other factors, but I do volunteer work with disabled adults here in Cali, often low income, who receive in-home nursing care and help with assisted living all the time, thru state programs and medical/medicare.
Could be but if you are middle income, even though you paid in all those years and couldn't put aside you don't get any help. It seems that the only people getting the help "all" through life are low income.
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Old 04-03-2015, 06:42 PM
 
Location: NC
720 posts, read 1,484,718 times
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[quote=petch751;39017.

All those plans are blown now, not by our doing. Mom expects us to take care of her 24/7 at her home. That's ok, I'll get to spend time with her, I do enjoy her. Do I love her less, no. Am I angry, yes. I am angry that the previous generation just assume the kids will take care of them, angry that they are determined to stay in their home no matter the stress or strain it puts on the kids

[/QUOTE]

Our Mom moved 1200 miles away when she was in her mid 40's. So no grandmother presence , no babysitting,etc for our kids. OK, made me and my younger sister independent, kind of hurt that she never wanted to spend Christmas with the grands , but we all maintained a close relationship.
Older sister (the leech, the taker, the favorite) moved in and lived off Mom 15+ years , then decided to move to her daughter's 150 miles away. So there's Mom, 89, alone with no family, no friends, in a sketchy neighborhood. Refuses to live with me or my sister. Are we worried? You bet we are. She doesn't expect anything from us, but I guess we "were raised right" because we're not happy with this.
So although she doesn't expect us to care for her ,the reality is that if /when a situation occurs, younger sister and I will have to travel 700/3000 miles to handle a crisis situation. Older sister and niece were "not able" to take Mom to see a specialist 2 1/2 hours away, DH and I traveled to her and took her.
In my view, this is being selfish.
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Old 04-03-2015, 06:54 PM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,586,137 times
Reputation: 5919
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
Could be but if you are middle income, even though you paid in all those years and couldn't put aside you don't get any help. It seems that the only people getting the help "all" through life are low income.
Hey, aren't you the one who's always complaining about Obamacare, the "welfare state" & "lib-ruls" (among other thangs)?!
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