U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-23-2015, 10:35 AM
 
Location: California
4,554 posts, read 5,470,957 times
Reputation: 9608

Advertisements

I have recommended this book on similar threads, hope it helps:

Survive Your Husband's Retirement by Nora Hall
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-23-2015, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,697 posts, read 4,420,516 times
Reputation: 11675
Hi, So I am developing a new attitude toward my interactions with DH. FYI, for our 12 years together, I have had a consulting practice and worked from my home office. About 2 years ago I took down my shingle and my only real work is acting as property manager to a handful of income properties we own. DH just retired last Fall and we were out of the country for a month immediately after, then the holidays kept things busy, then buying a lock & leave condo and selling our personal home. We sold it furnished so we have been on a buying spree to furnish the new condo. All these things kept routines at bay until the past couple of weeks when the dust has settled and I am not enjoying many of our interactions.

I have lived with DH's strong personality for a long time. But now that he is home and observing/giving input -- when his observations magnify there is room for improvement my reaction is a feeling of inadequacy; and when his observations and suggestions fail to take into account other factors my reaction is a feeling of being criticized. Both unpleasant internal reactions and somewhat new because he never was around to make his "observations" so I do think this is a marital/retirement issue.

If I don't come up with a strategy to address this, I agree, things will surely go down the toilet.

I'm mulling it over!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Dover, DE
1,802 posts, read 3,835,371 times
Reputation: 2499
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
Never mind the seat... what I don't understand is why doesn't anyone (besides me) put the lid down on the toilet? Every toilet has one and yet no one ever uses it. Why is that? And if one uses the lid, that eliminates the gender argument completely regarding how the toilet seat should be positioned. Women would always need to lift the lid to use the toilet and men would either just lift the lid or lift both the lid and the seat in one motion. When finished, the toilet lid is returned to its proper closed position by both genders.
Leaving the lid up used to not bother me until I read an article about how many germs become airborne when flushing the toilet.....EEWWWWWW. Now I always close the lid before flushing.

The one thing that really bothered me was that my MIL wouldn't flush each time in order save water. I would go in to use it and it would be so yellow and full of TP that it made me gag. I always flushed it and I don't think she was happy. Now I can see waiting if someone is going to use it immediately after you, but not an all day thing. I see this at public restrooms all the time where they haven't been flushed and it is gross.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 11:03 AM
 
29,779 posts, read 34,867,277 times
Reputation: 11705
I say this in all sincerity and mean it. If you and your spouse are both retired and the toilet seat being up or down is at or near the top of your issues list consider your self blessed. As I have said to my wife is that our biggest life issue the seat up or down and it may well be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
I say this in all sincerity and mean it. If you and your spouse are both retired and the toilet seat being up or down is at or near the top of your issues list consider your self blessed. As I have said to my wife is that our biggest life issue the seat up or down and it may well be.
I have one better. When I'm mad for some reason I refuse to put the new roll of TP roll on the holder. I leave it on a reachable shelf to see how long it takes for him to put it on the holder. It doesn't happen. I try anyway, hoping for the best.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 11:41 AM
 
29,779 posts, read 34,867,277 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I have one better. When I'm mad for some reason I refuse to put the new roll of TP roll on the holder. I leave it on a reachable shelf to see how long it takes for him to put it on the holder. It doesn't happen. I try anyway, hoping for the best.
Gotta laugh, I leave it off and she wants it on. Stays off in my bathroom
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 01:27 PM
 
Location: California
4,554 posts, read 5,470,957 times
Reputation: 9608
I am just thankful we live in a country where we have flushable toilets with lids.


Someone can only make you feel badly if you allow them. Try looking at the book to see how open he is to having a less hostile relationship. If not, try talking to a professional. Life is just too short to be miserable, but with years of a good marriage as a foundation, I believe both of you can get past this bump in the road.

Keep us posted.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 02:27 PM
 
4,481 posts, read 4,743,078 times
Reputation: 9940
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
I have one better. When I'm mad for some reason I refuse to put the new roll of TP roll on the holder. I leave it on a reachable shelf to see how long it takes for him to put it on the holder. It doesn't happen. I try anyway, hoping for the best.

But you know what he will do and won't do...after how long? It's just a set up...for both of you. But then we all have our "dances" and relationship "programs"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 03:16 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,232,688 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
Toilet paper is another story! It goes OVER the top and that is that!
But then the cat turns it into a toy and you come home to a bathroom floor covered in unrolled TP

I swear he says Wheeeeeee while he does it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2015, 05:29 PM
 
4,433 posts, read 2,612,363 times
Reputation: 10304
Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
I wonder how many are more comfortable having this discussion with strangers than with their spouses?
Oh, we DISCUSSED it all right, trust me, LOUDLY at times{for emphasis}!

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top