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Old 03-28-2015, 12:47 PM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,953 posts, read 1,547,898 times
Reputation: 2443

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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
A few years ago an elderly woman without a license ran into a college girl not far from my house and killed her, right in front of her father's house. It was sickening. It is not just the responsibility but the duty of family members to get their incompetent elders off the road at all costs, even to the point of reporting them or worse. This is not about "them." It's about the rights of others to live or not be maimed for life.
I agree 100%....just trying to figure a way to make it stick.....you don't need a license to drive, just the ability to get behind the wheel....any wheel
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Old 03-28-2015, 12:49 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,327,780 times
Reputation: 7524
Belly, there are two links in my post, one is about elder drivers in particular.

Caring for Older Drivers

http://www.aging.ny.gov/Transportati...troduction.cfm

'Today, there are programs which can help some older persons back to safe driving. There are also safety programs which help many to drive safely longer. Since older persons have much to gain if driving skills and judgment can be maintained or even enhanced in the third (50-75) and fourth (75+) ages of life, you will find information in Chapter 7 about programs, services and even special vehicle equipment which may help your loved one back to driving safely or to drive safely, longer.'
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Old 03-28-2015, 01:07 PM
 
4,576 posts, read 7,076,737 times
Reputation: 4228
I just completed the AARP Mature Driver Improvement Course (as I get insurance reduction if completed) and I found it to be very helpful refresher for anyone over the age of 65 and I learned alot. It discusses Having Conversations with Someone Who is Having Driving Problems...What You Could Tell Someone Who has Driving Problems...there were some quite elderly people in the group. Maybe you could get him to attend one of these courses, where he can hear these things from someone else (and at the least learn tips on how to improve driving skills). He sounds like he might resist (stubborn?) but it's worth a shot.

AARP has information on this issue on their website, it's under weneedtotalk. They do say that if the person with serious driving deficiencies does not respond to your efforts, you can report them to the state's DMV as a last resort. But not all states maintain the confidentiality of those reporting.

Unfortunately, we'll all be facing this decision one of these days and when the time comes it probably won't be easy for us to give up driving either.
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Old 03-28-2015, 03:24 PM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,167,649 times
Reputation: 11715
My mother took the keys away from my father when he was 91 and a menace on the road. He was very upset, but got over it. He was totally deaf and slightly senile. At least he didn't end up killing a lot of people the way some elderly drivers do and I'm thankful for that.

It was an older Chevie Caprice and she gave it to a family friend who immediately sold it. Then she regretted the gift, but it was too late. i don't know what she thought he would do with it since he and his wife each already had a car.
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Old 03-28-2015, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,044 posts, read 14,476,141 times
Reputation: 31044
We got my mom's doc to tell her she could no longer drive.

Investigate the law in NY.

Your wife needs to visit a doctor with him, whether he wants her to or not. With the forgetfulness, your FIL might be in an early stage of dementia. If so, he needs to be monitored and cared for. If it isn't dementia, it might simply be that his vision and reflexes have degraded as he has aged. I'd really work to get some medical info. It could be that he copes because his wife gives him cues. This is common, by the way. Often dementia surfaces after a spouse passes away, and it becomes apparent that the surviving spouse cannot function on his or her own.

I am with the others who say to intervene however you can. But if he can drive no longer, it will seriously impact the lives of both of these people. So, consider how to handle this.
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Old 03-28-2015, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,908 posts, read 25,378,245 times
Reputation: 26460
I pointedly asked my father's neurologist if my father should be driving and he said NO. Luckily my father gave it up and never drove again. I did catch him sitting in the car but that's it.
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Old 03-28-2015, 11:07 PM
 
6,885 posts, read 3,898,755 times
Reputation: 15667
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I pointedly asked my father's neurologist if my father should be driving and he said NO. Luckily my father gave it up and never drove again. I did catch him sitting in the car but that's it.
Ahhh . . . cute and sad.
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Old 03-30-2015, 03:28 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,990 posts, read 3,482,361 times
Reputation: 10543
I wish the person who ran the red light (the green for a left hand turn was on, the light for me was green, something I had always assumed was go). Sorry I am being sarcastic but, even after two years I am still in pain. I just wish people would consider the condsequences of their actions.
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Old 03-30-2015, 08:34 AM
 
14,041 posts, read 7,483,637 times
Reputation: 25698
Here is my tale of woe:

My stepfather is 87 with mid-grade Alzheimer's. My mother is 82 and has severe short-term memory loss problems but is still functional in the present and is fine behind the wheel for now driving places she knows. I recently went through several years of "silver alerts" where my stepfather would vanish for many hours. Eventually, the police would find him, often hours from home. I got inserted into the drama to assist in calming down my mother and later recovering him and the car at wherever impound lot it had been towed to. My stepbrother confiscated my stepfather's car 6 months ago and sold it. My stepfather is a type A a-hole and the veil of civility dropped completely with the dementia. He still drives my mother's car over all of our objections. No driver's license. The police are aware it's happening and really can't do much. The town social worker knows what is happening and can't do anything. The state Dept of Elderly affairs knows what is happening and can't do anything. He just screams for the car keys, abuses my mother until she submits, and does what he wants. I have a GPS tracker in the car and cross my fingers that he doesn't kill somebody. My mother is miserable but is taking the 'stand by my man' path and won't leave. My stepbrother is taking the steps to have a probate judge declare my stepfather incompetent and appoint my stepbrother as legal guardian. There is going to be some very ugly drama over the next few years.
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Old 03-30-2015, 03:52 PM
 
382 posts, read 354,424 times
Reputation: 2004
I feel for you, Geoff. My grandfather was like that. He eventually caused a death and his car was totaled. Of course he could not drive after that but no one could keep me from getting behind a wheel.

My husband is only 72 but has dementia. He gave up driving last January. The entire family encouraged him to consider all the OTHER people he was putting at risk. He still has enough sense to realize he is a danger to others. I drive him any place he wants to go at any time. He does not seem to miss driving....short term memory problems helps him "forget."
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