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Old 03-28-2015, 06:39 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,950 posts, read 1,539,424 times
Reputation: 2438

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How do we approach my FIL about his driving. He is coming up on 81 years old, as is his Wife. She does not drive (never licensed), so he is the only one to get them where they need to go. We live 45 minutes away, so we can't be much help in getting them around on a daily basis....they get up and go on a whim. We recently drove from one side of a Mall parking lot to the other.....he does rolling stops thru Stop Signs without looking to see if there is any traffic.....someone stopped to let someone cross in a crosswalk, and he just cursed, drove around them, and almost took out a few people.....a guy was stopped, and waiting for someone to pull out of a parking space (at the end of the lane), and as soon as the person pulled out, he cut the corner (driving thru the open space) and almost got hit by the guy trying to enter the now vacated spot. All this within one mile....getting progressively worse than last time we rode with him. We don't know his Doc, and he wouldn't listen anyhow. Every time we talk about his driving, he states he's never been in an accident (actually only one reported), but yet, every corner of his car is damaged....he has backed into my personal car (no damage), backs out of the garage with his hatchback open and catches the door....has backed into the garage door forgetting to open it....backed out the garage with his drivers door open....drives over curbs once in a while....has driven around someone making a left hand turn, onto the shoulder, and almost hit a State Trooper pulling onto the road in front of the person making the left.....someone is gonna get hurt
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Old 03-28-2015, 06:58 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,190 posts, read 2,858,918 times
Reputation: 4887
What state do you live in? Some states you can anonymously report them and the DMV sends them a letter asking them to come in for testing.

Also - you should know his doctor. In many states they are also required to report impaired driving.

They may not want to hear it from family - but when the law tells them to stop - it's a whole 'nuther thing.

Do they have alternatives to getting themselves around? And do they have plans for assistance as they age?
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Old 03-28-2015, 07:45 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,950 posts, read 1,539,424 times
Reputation: 2438
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
What state do you live in? Some states you can anonymously report them and the DMV sends them a letter asking them to come in for testing.

Also - you should know his doctor. In many states they are also required to report impaired driving.

They may not want to hear it from family - but when the law tells them to stop - it's a whole 'nuther thing.

Do they have alternatives to getting themselves around? And do they have plans for assistance as they age?
They live in NY, we are in CT, and he is very secretive about his Doc or any medical condition. I know that unless someone removes the car and keys, he will continue driving regardless of any LEO.....and even then, will likely buy another car. There are no alternatives other than Taxi / car service, and he be damned if someone is gonna drive him around.....extremely stubborn. As far as DMV sending a letter to be retested, he may ignore it, and if they suspend or revoke his privileges, won't make a difference.....surprisingly enough, he rarely gets pulled over by LEO, and unless he does, how will they know any different.....we're really stuck here.
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Old 03-28-2015, 10:04 AM
 
Location: SoCal
6,074 posts, read 9,535,742 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beer belly View Post
How do we approach my FIL about his driving. He is coming up on 81 years old, as is his Wife. She does not drive (never licensed), so he is the only one to get them where they need to go. We live 45 minutes away, so we can't be much help in getting them around on a daily basis....they get up and go on a whim. We recently drove from one side of a Mall parking lot to the other.....he does rolling stops thru Stop Signs without looking to see if there is any traffic.....someone stopped to let someone cross in a crosswalk, and he just cursed, drove around them, and almost took out a few people.....a guy was stopped, and waiting for someone to pull out of a parking space (at the end of the lane), and as soon as the person pulled out, he cut the corner (driving thru the open space) and almost got hit by the guy trying to enter the now vacated spot. All this within one mile....getting progressively worse than last time we rode with him. We don't know his Doc, and he wouldn't listen anyhow. Every time we talk about his driving, he states he's never been in an accident (actually only one reported), but yet, every corner of his car is damaged....he has backed into my personal car (no damage), backs out of the garage with his hatchback open and catches the door....has backed into the garage door forgetting to open it....backed out the garage with his drivers door open....drives over curbs once in a while....has driven around someone making a left hand turn, onto the shoulder, and almost hit a State Trooper pulling onto the road in front of the person making the left.....someone is gonna get hurt
This doesn't strike me as age-related poor driving. It seems, sorry to say, that your FIL is simply a jerk while driving. If it were me, I'd be tempted to report his license plate number to the local traffic enforcement people and let them have a go at improving FIL's driving attitude.
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Old 03-28-2015, 10:56 AM
Status: "0-0-2 Game On!" (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,308 posts, read 15,359,891 times
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It can be a pretty ugly process. My father was in his late 70s with a progressive neurological disease which was definitely affecting his reflexes. In the long run I sold the car out from under him because no amount of "discussion" was working and he was clearly a danger to himself and particularly others. Once the car was sold he pretty much admitted it was for the best. His friends stepped in to drive him around and I bought him a "ride contract" with a local taxi company that specialized in seniors (and had a good background check on the drivers).

My in-laws kept driving long past the time they should have because my husband and his sister wouldn't "interfere." My in-laws drove as a team, with my MIL doing all the commanding - turn here, stop for the light, change lanes when I tell you - my FIL could not drive on his own, or he'd have gotten lost. The end of his driving career was when he fell asleep while driving, that is what it took.
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Old 03-28-2015, 11:37 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,950 posts, read 1,539,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oddstray View Post
This doesn't strike me as age-related poor driving. It seems, sorry to say, that your FIL is simply a jerk while driving. If it were me, I'd be tempted to report his license plate number to the local traffic enforcement people and let them have a go at improving FIL's driving attitude.
While driving to a destination, he'll make a turn that his Wife knows is wrong, and she'll mention that he made a wrong turn, and then he'll ask "where are we going?"......he just doesn't pay attention and said he never saw the people in the crosswalk.....everybody else in the car did. I'm gonna look into notifying DMV anonymously, and let the chips fall where they may before somebody gets hurt.....we're just waiting for that phone call one day that something happened.
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Old 03-28-2015, 11:47 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,307,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oddstray View Post
This doesn't strike me as age-related poor driving. It seems, sorry to say, that your FIL is simply a jerk while driving. If it were me, I'd be tempted to report his license plate number to the local traffic enforcement people and let them have a go at improving FIL's driving attitude.
This, at least partly. He sounds like the legendary 'typical' NYC driver.

Belly, can you talk to senior services in their town or county? Or the police where they live? It can't hurt to ask and they may have some solid suggestions.

Are you acquainted with any of their friends or neighbors? Maybe they could keep an eye on them? Tell you who his doctor is?

I don't know if this will help, but here is a link for you......New York State Office for the Aging - Home Page

http://www.aging.ny.gov/Transportati...troduction.cfm

Last edited by CCc girl; 03-28-2015 at 12:09 PM..
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Old 03-28-2015, 11:57 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,950 posts, read 1,539,424 times
Reputation: 2438
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
This, at least partly. He sounds like the legendary 'typical' NYC driver.

Belly, can you talk to senior services in their town or county? Or the police where they live? It can't hurt to ask and they may have some solid suggestions.

Are you acquainted with any of their friends or neighbors? Maybe they could keep an eye on them? Tell you who his doctor is?

I don't know if this will help, but here is a link for you......New York State Office for the Aging - Home Page
Funny you should mention "NYC driver"....he was a city boy, and worked in Manhattan all his life, and always comments on NYC drivers being the best in the world.....I beg to differ. Thanks for the link
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Old 03-28-2015, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
A few years ago an elderly woman without a license ran into a college girl not far from my house and killed her, right in front of her father's house. It was sickening. It is not just the responsibility but the duty of family members to get their incompetent elders off the road at all costs, even to the point of reporting them or worse. This is not about "them." It's about the rights of others to live or not be maimed for life.
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Old 03-28-2015, 12:41 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,069,111 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
It is not just the responsibility but the duty of family members to get their incompetent elders off the road at all costs, even to the point of reporting them or worse. This is not about "them." It's about the rights of others to live or not be maimed for life.
Sing it, sister!
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