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Old 03-29-2015, 01:39 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,225,043 times
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Assome one who's SINK, maybe I can't relate....but I do have 3 siblings and 15 nieces and nephews I'm very close to.

I always marvel that people make a PRIORITY of leaving an inheritance to children, or anyone really. IF I have anything to leave to someone they'll get it. And I want them to have it. HOWEVER, their inheritance is not my PRIORITY. I do plan to pre-gift some small amounts. Live my life as I desire, and then if there's more left after that they'll get it. But I don't have any life insurance (other than what's automatic through my job)

I also feel the same about life insurance. IMO, LI is to support someone who would lose out or suffer if you're income were lost. Well, if one spouse could more than support themselves with no issue, should the other spouse die, then why do you need life insurance on that person? First of all married or not, I wouldn't buy a house I couldn't support on my own. Second, personally, I see it as profiting off of a person's death -- ESPECIALLY if you don't need the money.
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Old 03-29-2015, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,910 posts, read 4,650,428 times
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My parents are living it up, and more power to them! They worked hard and it's time for them to finally enjoy the fruits of their labor all those years.
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Old 03-29-2015, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Long Island
6,522 posts, read 2,926,136 times
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As a 40-something who recently received an inheritance, I will admit it was extremely nice. We had enough on our own before, but it allowed us to splurge on a very nice vacation I would not have otherwise wanted to spend the money on. It's also allowed us to max out our retirement and 529 savings for tax benefits. I am very grateful.

One of my siblings definitely was counting on the inheritance for her lifestyle. She was living with our mother rent-free. It's something that's always bothered me, but outside of my control.

I was always bugging my mom to spend on herself more. She got by on SS and the RMD on her IRA's, but sometimes she would seem to be struggling financially. I don't know if it was because she wanted to have more to leave us, or her own frugality, though. She did do some travelling and bought what she needed, but I would have liked to have seen her enjoy herself more. Ironically, because she would never spend anything on the upkeep of her house, we ended up getting a lot less for it because there were so many problems.

I plan to enjoy my retirement as much as possible and to do the travelling we haven't been able to since we've spent the last 20+ years raising my stepkids and my son. I do. however, hope to have something to will to everyone - not a huge amount, but maybe enough for them to splurge a bit on whatever they want.
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Old 03-29-2015, 02:46 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,580,382 times
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I think people should be self sufficient.

We were very poor and worked every day for many years.

I wish to leave nothing to heirs.
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Old 03-29-2015, 03:13 PM
 
39,270 posts, read 20,365,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kauailover View Post
Thanks for your great responses!

I haven't studied up on reverse mortgages and I appreciate the info on pro's vs con's. The bankers always come out ahead in the end. I am re-thinking that option!

I have seen families get divided over wealth years before the beneficiaries of a estate ever comes due. It is the ugliest thing to witness, people fighting over what they think they should get when someone passes.

I am all for having a exit plan and it is the responsible thing to do. I have a simple will but plan on doing a trust eventually. What it leaves to whom is yet to be determined!
I have a 85 yo rich uncle who made it ugly while still alive. Ridiculously cheap, never married, no kids, hangs a blanket between rooms, I wouldn't dare eat out of his fridge, hassles the checkout girls about the cost of milk etc (depression baby).

Visiting him means sermons about money, complaints that he doesn't know what to do with his money when he dies and family comes first. I do like him and remind my brothers he just a bad teacher trying to help with his knowledge. My family is doing ok, his brothers wife is in bad shape financially due to medical bills. He said I'm not in his will because I don't need it, I'm hurt but ok I am good. It would be nice if he would help his brothers wife but it's his money and it's not my right to say. Finally after years and years of sermons I lost it and said, I can handle it but don't you think it's ignorant to brag/whine about your money to people who are finically hurting. Have some decency! Keep it to yourself, hey maybe even help ... how about we just bury your money with you. I am sad, he is one of only 2 of our elder generation left, there is good things about him but we haven't spoken since but for gods sake, I've told him to live, spend it, money is a tool to provide for needs in life not a means to an end.

OP, spend it and live life, keep some for your elder years and if possible without being taken advantage of try to help if someone in your family needs just "a little" help.

Last edited by petch751; 03-29-2015 at 03:42 PM..
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Old 03-29-2015, 03:17 PM
 
Location: La Mesa Aka The Table
7,487 posts, read 8,036,977 times
Reputation: 8517
Kids are more incline to help you in your old age, if there is an incentive. Just like you're not obligated to take care of them once they turn 18 they are not obligated to take car of you when your old and disabled.
Keep that in mind when you make your life decision on rather or not to leave somebody something.
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Old 03-29-2015, 03:25 PM
 
39,270 posts, read 20,365,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hitman619 View Post
Kids are more incline to help you in your old age, if there is an incentive. Just like you're not obligated to take care of them once they turn 18 they are not obligated to take car of you when your old and disabled.
Keep that in mind when you make your life decision on rather or not to leave somebody something.
I'm in this position now, taking care of a parent. The incentive is the love we feel for our parents, not money, not promises of money once parents pass. I don't like the use of the word incentive, remember, the kids have responsibilities, they can't just quit their jobs, they can't just quit paying their bills, they can't walk out on their families to take care of you. Having money may give options allowing the kids to help otherwise no money puts a lot of physical and financial stress on the kids if they care enough to try.
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Old 03-29-2015, 03:27 PM
 
30,120 posts, read 47,344,680 times
Reputation: 16058
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Do the elders wish to create life-long resentments among their children? If so, don't leave them equal amounts.
I don't get that idea...we are pretty scrupulous about treating our adult kids equally and plan a 50/50 split unless things change drastically.
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Old 03-29-2015, 03:34 PM
 
39,270 posts, read 20,365,893 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loves2read View Post
I don't get that idea...we are pretty scrupulous about treating our adult kids equally and plan a 50/50 split unless things change drastically.
How would you feel if you have 3 kids, willed an inheritance 3 ways (equally), you become physically disabled but able to go home with 24/7 care needing help from your kids but only 2 of your kids are helping you, taking shifts to stay with you, running errands, taking you to doctors and the 1 kids comes once every 1-2 weeks for 30-45 min max "visit".

Don't think that won't happen because they say it happens in every family.
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Old 03-29-2015, 04:01 PM
 
30,120 posts, read 47,344,680 times
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You act like you expect your kids to mistreat you...
Right now one of our children is married, with a child, and living in another state.
One is married, no kids and likely none, and lives an hour away. The closest one is our son. His wife is sweet and we care for her and vice versa but don't know that either one would make a good caregiver.

We have long term care insurance and other resources and hope to avoid needing to use our children as caregivers --but we are just 66--long way to go. My mom was in her early 80's; dad was 91 and my mom smoked all her adult life even w/COPD. My husband's mom was just 90; his dad was in his 80s but likely had bad health care which did not diagnose cancer soon enough to give him a decent chance w/treatment.

I am much more worried about having to be caregiver to my sister who never married. Lives about 300 mi away and has limited resources. We bought our current home w/the fallback of having a second master bedroom on first floor for her use if she has to move in with us. But I really think we all would be happier if we paid for some level of home assistance for her and she had her privacy. Again--only time will tell....

My husband has a sister 18 yrs older. She and his mother were ones to be with his dad after he was bed bound-- there was my husband living 8 hrs away and another brother 2 hrs away.
No hard feelings about the sister doing the caregiving.

Some people's lives are just too complicated to expect them to stop their lives and devote to parents's if they are disabled.
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