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Old 03-29-2015, 03:33 PM
 
9,681 posts, read 15,861,934 times
Reputation: 16033

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
My 101 year old neighbor recently passed and she lived alone the last 21 years since her husband died.

Quite a lady and sharp as a tack...

She has one daughter with Grandchildren and all live far away so I was helping the family.

They selected a few things like albums, family papers, something that came West by wagon train to keep...

In the end... 98% went to a consignment center after a Saint Vincent donation and they said it was best... nothing really antique... just regular furniture like two bedroom sets and similar.

Funny thing is my neighbor was fastidious about keeping the home in perfect condition... new roof, upgraded HVAC, perfect landscape, had the floors refinished etc... all done so her daughter wouldn't be burdened with a home needing repairs...

Home sold quickly for a new neighborhood record and I kept an eye on things until it did... did a walk through every night after work...

Off topic... why is it Realtors and their clients can't lock a door or fail to turn off appliances???

So at least one Mom was working hard to lighten the burden for her daughter...

I think they teach them this in Realtor school......

That is my biggest peeve with real estate agents.....OTO, I bet they wouldn't let anyone leave lights, AC etc turned on in their house! I suggest getting a lock cover for the AC controls. Keep it set at a reasonable temperature, and keep it locked! There's not much you can do about the lights, except get high efficiency bulbs......I tried putting up signs that said to please turn off lights upon leaving, but that didn't seem to help much......I had one realtor say the house shows better if the clients walk into a bright, cheery, environment with the AC running full blast, if its not super cool, they might thing there's something wrong with the AC.......that's just the realtors trying to put off their lack of buyers onto the owner/seller.....oh, you just didn't stage the house right.....


We are currently renting our home but plan to move out end of the month, so, the owner has it listed. I'm happy to work with them to help them get a sale, but I don't see WTH the agents are doing. They rarely spend more than 5 minutes in the house, and never point out any features, its like they don't even know what they're selling. Its the first time I've ever been on the other side and able t observe the agents at work----again, I don't see WTH they do. They bring buyers to homes they wouldn't even consider, like the last showing, they had clearly stated they wanted a 2-story, this is a one-story.....they don't even know the features of the house themselves, like energy-efficient, all gas, new roof, really, all they do is stand there with a dumb look on their face, this is supposedly a hot market, I think many just ran out and got their license then think all they need to do is drive people around....honestly, there's more to showing a house than just just driving up to it and dumping the clients off

I might contact the owners tonight and ask if its ok with them if I type up a fact sheet for the house, such as new roof, all gas, refrigerator conveys, washer/dryer is ours but we would be willing to sell to new owner if they prefer, large, walk-in closets, large pantry, .....its none of my affair, that's what the real estate agent is supposed to be doing, but I get so annoyed seeing these little gals, most appear to be college students, just standing there with a dumb look on their face....hey, at least say something
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Old 03-29-2015, 04:12 PM
 
39,257 posts, read 20,356,214 times
Reputation: 12751
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post

A very old lady long ago told me something I have never forgotten:

"Life is like the chapters in a book. One chapter ends and another one begins."

I'm seeing that for myself now, there definitely are stages. Think of the new stage and what you might need going forward. Just grit your teeth and get rid of a lot of the stuff from the old stage. You'll be surprised that you won't miss it in your new stage.
wow thanks newengland. I really like that phrase and will keep it in my mind.
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Old 03-29-2015, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,391,767 times
Reputation: 16283
I also suffer from sentimentality - tough stuff to conquer. Tough to let go. Be thankful that you had so many good memories there.

I wonder if some type of letting go ceremony would help make a cleaner cut. Invite family, friends/neighbors over for a letting go ceremony where everyone writes down a favorite memory of you and the place -speaks of it and then tosses the paper in an outside fire. This wouldn't mean you are forgetting those times but this would enable you to move on to make new memories of the next phase of your life.

Have people bring their favorite photo(s) of a special time and then you can create a scrapbook so you have something to look at and hold on to during those times when you may feel a bit homesick.

New beginnings can be exciting - you just never know what's ahead.
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Old 03-29-2015, 05:27 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,973,893 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowtired14 View Post
After reading another thread on downsizing, it called to mind the emotional struggle of leaving things that are familiar behind and letting go. I thought I'd put this out there to learn how some of you handled this transition in your lives.

We're going to be moving out of state in a couple of years, and we have to sell our house in the next year or so and begining to purge. We've been here 30 years, our kids grew up here and we had our careers here, it's our home and it holds lots of memories. Everything we touch reminds us of a moment in our life, that's what makes it so hard to let go. Even little things left behind by the "kids", remind us of the days we all enjoyed together as a family. This is the hardest thing I think we've ever had to do, we'll be leaving this place where we were all together, it has a personality and a familiarity, like saying goodbye to an old freind for the last time. But the "kids" have moved on, we are finishing our careers, and the neighborhood is slowly evolving, and so are we. We go through phases and at every phase there is change and we make new memories and experiences. Although we both look forward to our future but letting go of our past is tough.
Why not simply hold onto all the pieces that serve as happy memories, and get rid of nonessential things like extra cooking pots, duplicate utensils, ironing board, heavy furniture, tools, books, linens, etc etc. People (and their mementoes) before things. I'd give my entire household away before I'd get rid of small physical things that hold cherished memories.
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Old 03-29-2015, 05:50 PM
 
26,589 posts, read 52,286,267 times
Reputation: 20413
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I think they teach them this in Realtor school......

That is my biggest peeve with real estate agents.....OTO, I bet they wouldn't let anyone leave lights, AC etc turned on in their house! I suggest getting a lock cover for the AC controls. Keep it set at a reasonable temperature, and keep it locked! There's not much you can do about the lights, except get high efficiency bulbs......I tried putting up signs that said to please turn off lights upon leaving, but that didn't seem to help much......I had one realtor say the house shows better if the clients walk into a bright, cheery, environment with the AC running full blast, if its not super cool, they might thing there's something wrong with the AC.......that's just the realtors trying to put off their lack of buyers onto the owner/seller.....oh, you just didn't stage the house right.....


We are currently renting our home but plan to move out end of the month, so, the owner has it listed. I'm happy to work with them to help them get a sale, but I don't see WTH the agents are doing. They rarely spend more than 5 minutes in the house, and never point out any features, its like they don't even know what they're selling. Its the first time I've ever been on the other side and able t observe the agents at work----again, I don't see WTH they do. They bring buyers to homes they wouldn't even consider, like the last showing, they had clearly stated they wanted a 2-story, this is a one-story.....they don't even know the features of the house themselves, like energy-efficient, all gas, new roof, really, all they do is stand there with a dumb look on their face, this is supposedly a hot market, I think many just ran out and got their license then think all they need to do is drive people around....honestly, there's more to showing a house than just just driving up to it and dumping the clients off

I might contact the owners tonight and ask if its ok with them if I type up a fact sheet for the house, such as new roof, all gas, refrigerator conveys, washer/dryer is ours but we would be willing to sell to new owner if they prefer, large, walk-in closets, large pantry, .....its none of my affair, that's what the real estate agent is supposed to be doing, but I get so annoyed seeing these little gals, most appear to be college students, just standing there with a dumb look on their face....hey, at least say something
I've been told the less they say... the less they can be held accountable for.

It was a daily occurrence where a door was left unlocked and one time I found the thermostat at 85!

I would call the agent and she acted like she couldn't be bothered... I said it's your listing... don't you check on it when others show... she said it is not done this way.

As for letting go... the 101 year old moved to a retirement community willingly... she asked if there was anything I wanted and said if the Kenmore Washer/Dryer were not spoken for I know someone in need.

She had only been a couple of weeks in the retirement community when she passed suddenly... as the last of her items were going to consignment I loaded up the washer/dryer...

New folks moved in and 2 days later they called their agent who called the listing agent who called me asking about the washer/dryer which I said I have... I was told they were part of the offer and must be returned or the agent would see if the new folks would sell them... I picked them up and returned them... no good deed goes unpunished...

Thing is the seller wanted my to have something and was thrilled when I said I know someone really in need... again... it was not so much as being attached to a Washer/Dryer, only knowing it would be appreciated.

Last edited by Ultrarunner; 03-29-2015 at 06:08 PM..
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Old 03-29-2015, 06:16 PM
 
1,780 posts, read 2,166,507 times
Reputation: 5877
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
I think you have to live in the moment. Yes, the memories are genuine and precious - and you have them. Time just marches on.
When my marriage of 24 years ended abruptly, I had to move out into a crummy singles' apartment and had to leave behind so much of my life.

There were times that I thought I would come unglued over the loss of every single material thing and then I had this lovely insight: "Let go of the stuff, but hang onto the memories."

That meant the world to me.

It's hard to tote around the stuff, but those memories? You'll always have them with you.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:39 AM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,665,172 times
Reputation: 5376
When I was 19 years old, I left my home and family and hitch hiked around the country.
Whenever I got sentimental and nostalgic about the past, I reminded myself about a saying that was real common back then that I had on a wall poster in my home bedroom.

“Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hopefulness.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

Carpe diem !!!
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Old 03-30-2015, 07:22 AM
 
6,253 posts, read 4,728,813 times
Reputation: 12839
Unfortunately when it comes to transitions such as this, emotions rule the day. That is too bad because facts, logic and discussion often do not help. Clearly the OP is dreading doing something that is unpleasant and unwelcome. Many people retire, sit around the house and soon die. Now that is truly an unpleasant and unwelcome scenario. I do not know how someone changes their attitude and decides that moving has positive aspects. It would be a good idea to try rather than dwell on the unpleasant emotions.
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Old 03-30-2015, 08:00 AM
 
Location: New York Area
15,909 posts, read 6,256,417 times
Reputation: 12370
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowtired14 View Post
After reading another thread on downsizing, it called to mind the emotional struggle of leaving things that are familiar behind and letting go. I thought I'd put this out there to learn how some of you handled this transition in your lives.

We're going to be moving out of state in a couple of years, and we have to sell our house in the next year or so and begining to purge. We've been here 30 years, our kids grew up here and we had our careers here, it's our home and it holds lots of memories. Everything we touch reminds us of a moment in our life, that's what makes it so hard to let go. Even little things left behind by the "kids", remind us of the days we all enjoyed together as a family. This is the hardest thing I think we've ever had to do, we'll be leaving this place where we were all together, it has a personality and a familiarity, like saying goodbye to an old freind for the last time. But the "kids" have moved on, we are finishing our careers, and the neighborhood is slowly evolving, and so are we. We go through phases and at every phase there is change and we make new memories and experiences. Although we both look forward to our future but letting go of our past is tough.
I feel the pain. I just spent the last few weeks clearing memories from my late parents' apartment. That place itself was overwhelmed with stuff from their full-sized house. It took real discipline and some tears to toss so much into a dumpster.

I eased the pain just a little by shipping multiple albums to my mother's brother, i.e. my uncle. He will likely look through it and keep it, leaving it for his two adult daughters to trash. Better them than me, but many of the pictures date to the turn of previous century. I had no clue who the people were but my uncle did.
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Old 03-30-2015, 09:21 AM
 
9,681 posts, read 15,861,934 times
Reputation: 16033
Retirement can be health/life threatening!

I saw this with my parents. Not just retiring, but moving, change of lifestyle, change of family status, etc, etc can all be too much for people, f they let it.

My parents situation was something that was enforced on them by circumstances. They knew Dad would be retiring soon, and also knew the neighborhood they lived in was quickly becoming dangerous, drugs, crime, and it certainly wasn't going back up!BTW, they lived in Detroit, and that area is still a cesspool.

They had options, but couldn't agree on any of them, and spent much of their time blaming each other for the past instead of focusing on a decent future. Thank goodness they had a decent financial setting.

My mother was the type who simply wouldn't budge. You couldn't get her to make/commit to a single decision, she'd just say, oh, ok, I'll think about it.....when the crime around her was increasing daily. Regardless of whether Dad was retiring, they needed to move out. They even had police tell them they needed to move ASAP----.

However Mom was simply too stubborn to accept help. First, she didn't understand the situation had changed. she grew up in that neighborhood, her roots went deep. However, everyone else had moved out, mainly due to fear, They were literally living like prisoners, Dad sleeping with a gun by the bed......look, that's no way to live after a long life of hard, decent, honest work!


You couldn't blast my mother out of her home, which she had inherited from her parents, but it was time to move on. Also, you couldn't get her to de-clutter. She wasn't exactly a hoarder, but once she bought something, she "bonded" with it for life! Every discussion about moving turned into an argument, which, of course, shut the discussion down!

Finally, circumstances forced them to move----long story, but she didn't like it and never stopped arguing with my Dad about the decisions he made. Essentially, he threw away just about everything from the house,sold the house---he had power of attorney while she was away--leased an apt, while she was visiting me. I honestly didn't know anything about it, but she insisted I was "in on it" and just went into a complete tizzy at least 10X a day about how she was victimized.

What really happened? Dad got rid of her clutter, and moved her to a place she could feel safe. He died about a year later. At least he'd relocated her to a decent place AND got rid of the junk. If he's stored it anywhere, she'd just haul it back! Perhaps she was a hoarder?


Regardless.....that's why I am the opposite, I have an abhorrence of clutter, I've seen how it can truly lilmit ones' options. Our upcoming move we both agree on, however, I think if we'd taken a few other turns in the path this wouldn't be necessary. I am a bit angry, I like it where I'm at, and resent the move, but its beyond my control now. For me, I'm not going to repeat the mistakes my mother did and literally b**ch my dh to death over things past that can't be helped.

To sum it up---

you need to realize life isn't always in your control

life comes at you fast, you need to deal with it

life isn't a pity party

realize it isn't all about you, realize the others in your life are affected, too

Make the best of any situation, regardless of whether it was your choice or not. Remember the people in your life come first, not the stuff
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