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Old 03-30-2015, 09:25 AM
 
174 posts, read 188,084 times
Reputation: 176

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Well, Snowtired, you are not alone. I feel your pain. We too are tired of the snow and are moving south. We will be moving within the next 18 months. Born and raised in CT and still here. First house 18 yrs, second house 23. 2 kids married with great spouses and nice homes. Now it's our turn and our last chance to start the last chapter in our lives. Yes, it's tough. Big house and too much stuff. I'm taking pictures of the stuff that means a lot to me and then packing it up. How do I get motivated? Well, I ask myself two questions. If I could only take 5 things with me, what would they be? Of course, my spouse would be number one. Then my computer (with all my photos), important papers, photo albums and a few small items handed down to me from grandparents. The rest of the stuff is just that, stuff that for the most part can be replaced (if I really miss it). Number two, I look around each room and say. Do you want to pack it, ship it, store it, and then after relocating, unpack it, store it, clean it, dust it, look at it, etc. We will take only the things that we really love and will USE. Another thing, I have been a collector for many years. My kids have their own style and my "old" style collectibles are of no interest to them. As for me, my tastes have changed too. I'm ready for a NEW start in every sense of the word. I have enjoyed the beauty and the craftsmanship of the things I have collected; mostly china and glassware, hand made, hand painted, things you just can't find anymore. I still have a great appreciation for vintage items, but I am looking towards a more contemporary feel in our next home. More of a minimalist style. Still warm and welcoming, but less "stuff" around. Less cleaning and dusting and more playing. I'm ready for that type of lifestyle. Worked all our lives with no regrets. But now it's time to enjoy our "golden years". I have also learned to live in the moment. The past (especially our home) holds great memories. Those can never be taken away from us. The future is what we make it. New people, new adventures and a whole new lifestyle. By the way, if you don't mind me asking, where are you moving to?
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Old 03-30-2015, 09:45 AM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,323,935 times
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My uncle has always dabbled in collectables... mostly rare parts for race cars... he has done phenomonly well...

About 15 years ago he said a lot of the car parts were getting just to heavy to move around and switched to civil war memorabilia and is doing even better.

I can't see him ever letting go of the past and he used the past to build on the future..

He's been featured on local TV shows and has a deal for movie props to the studios...

Now I've got 9 hospital gurneys I wish I could let go of, sell or donate... Administrator said they needed to be gone and to just get rid of them... cost $4500 each and I had them on Craigs for $400 each and no takers...

Sometimes would seems like a good idea at the time doesn't pan out that way.
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Old 03-30-2015, 02:30 PM
 
527 posts, read 1,091,396 times
Reputation: 679
SnowTired
I feel your pain.
My house now, is the first and only house my wife and I bought, 35 years ago as newlyweds. It was a brand new house then

Planted many trees, shrubs
built a shed in the back myself, built a deck myself
have done many repairs myself

raised my kids in this house, watched them go to college and out into the world.

Last year my wife passed away in this house.

Now I'm struggling with how do I move
It's like that movie "The Time Machine". Thru time, the world around it changes but it stays the same
How do you close the door from the outside and never look back? (haven't figured it out yet)
I'll bet if I do look back, I'll see a tear coming from a window too. (Might be that leak in bathroom acting up)
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Old 03-30-2015, 02:50 PM
 
6,417 posts, read 3,359,564 times
Reputation: 6608
Are you SURE you really want to move?
It sounds pretty wonderful what you have there.
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Old 03-30-2015, 03:02 PM
 
Location: CT
3,461 posts, read 1,857,482 times
Reputation: 4614
Quote:
Originally Posted by boater1 View Post
SnowTired
I feel your pain.
My house now, is the first and only house my wife and I bought, 35 years ago as newlyweds. It was a brand new house then

Planted many trees, shrubs
built a shed in the back myself, built a deck myself
have done many repairs myself

raised my kids in this house, watched them go to college and out into the world.

Last year my wife passed away in this house.

Now I'm struggling with how do I move
It's like that movie "The Time Machine". Thru time, the world around it changes but it stays the same
How do you close the door from the outside and never look back? (haven't figured it out yet)
I'll bet if I do look back, I'll see a tear coming from a window too. (Might be that leak in bathroom acting up)
Wow man, that is a heavy emotional weight to have to bear, to have a lifetime with someone and to have to go on alone. As much as I'm kind of melancholy right now, don't let the memories become ghosts, you are alive and can honor your wife best by finishing your journey by doing what she probably expects you to do, to be there for the rest of the family and enjoy a smile. What would you have wanted for her if the tables were turned?
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Old 03-31-2015, 06:20 AM
 
577 posts, read 446,000 times
Reputation: 1667
When my mother died it took 5 months to go through everything in her house. The year-old Sunday New York Times-es were easy, but there was a lot that was not so easy. The day of the closing, my sister was still taking stuff to the dump. 10 months later, my husband died and I had to deal with all of HIS stuff, and he was a bit of a packrat. Here's what I learned from all this:

1) The past is gone. All we have is now. Real memories live in our minds and our hearts, not in old STUFF.
2) Your kids or young people you know do not want your stuff. Except maybe your 1920s Victrola. If you're lucky. But your huge quartersawn oak breakfront, your collection of Lladros, your 1912 crystal that was your great grandmother's, your post-1980 comic books? Forget about it. No one wants it.
3) After your grandchildren, no one will remember you. Photos of you will mean no more than old photos of strangers.
4) Stuff is ephemeral.

I have been de-cluttering and divesting ever since my husband's death. It's hard. It's like throwing your life away. I have no children, and I filter everything through "Would I want my sister to deal with this?"
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Old 03-31-2015, 07:04 AM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,667,293 times
Reputation: 5376
It's hard to realize that the saying " Thanks for the memories" only applies to the person feeling it.
Not everyone resonates at the same frequency of thought, which is really a great survival tool for our species otherwise we would be like lemmings following each other off the cliff.
You just have to count your blessings that you've had in life and realize that you came into this world alone and will leave the same way.
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Old 03-31-2015, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Kansas City
19 posts, read 16,185 times
Reputation: 78
Last fall New York Times had a good article on decluttering (Kissing Your Socks Goodbye: Home Organization Advice from Marie Kondo). In a nutshell: Keep only what brings you joy.

I'm guessing that raising your kids was by far the most meaningful thing you've done in your life, and now that journey is coming to a close. This loss is major. It's real and painful. But as my mom once said: We raise them to lose them.

Acknowledge the loss. Then start to fantasize about the freedom that's coming. Imagine a clean slate. Imagine a day with no plans at all. How would that day take shape? What would you find yourself doing? Build your new life around those fantasies.
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Old 03-31-2015, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
Reputation: 26388
My parents, grands, and H died. I was left with a mountain of stuff. I realized I was serving my stuff and the stuff was doing me no good. So I got rid of almost all of it. It's wonderful to be able to park in my garage! Plus it's easy to keep the house clean without all the clutter.

I still have a major project. I need to digitize all the photos and slides. They are all in one place, a huge cabinet behind my desk. I'll get it done probably next year!

Freedom! I feel a hundred pounds lighter after getting rid of all that junk. And I did take pictures of things that had meaning to me. I wanted to move on but I was being held hostage by all the stuff!
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Old 03-31-2015, 12:26 PM
 
3,196 posts, read 1,816,796 times
Reputation: 8438
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
My parents, grands, and H died. I was left with a mountain of stuff. I realized I was serving my stuff and the stuff was doing me no good. So I got rid of almost all of it. It's wonderful to be able to park in my garage! Plus it's easy to keep the house clean without all the clutter.

I still have a major project. I need to digitize all the photos and slides. They are all in one place, a huge cabinet behind my desk. I'll get it done probably next year!

Freedom! I feel a hundred pounds lighter after getting rid of all that junk. And I did take pictures of things that had meaning to me. I wanted to move on but I was being held hostage by all the stuff!
Best of luck in this! Just remember that regardless of your precautions, it is easy to lose everything electronic. I recently lost over 5 TERABYTES of pictures, videos, sound files, etc. to a malicious virus that crashed through my firewall and anti-virus like it was nothing. 3 external hard drives and my main computer drive were irretrievably corrupted, leaving me with random DVD backups to piece some of my memories back together. Moral of the story? Don't toss the hard copies of priceless memories.
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