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Old 04-03-2015, 02:48 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,255,743 times
Reputation: 14870

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Change his mailing address to yours.
Don't tell him.
Tell the Post Office he's moving.

Your husband can take legitimate mail to him every Sunday.

Quote:
Already did the "Do Not Call" list.
It used to be that this had to be updated every once in a while. Don't know if they changed that rule.
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Old 04-03-2015, 03:43 PM
 
950 posts, read 717,042 times
Reputation: 1615
All the advice is just tip toeing around the fact your FIL can no longer handle his own finances.

The advice given would be like having an elderly parent who is becoming a very dangerous driver and posters advising to install bigger front bumpers on his car.

Quit blaming everyone else when it is evident he doesn't have the capacity to handle a bank account.
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Old 04-03-2015, 03:45 PM
 
950 posts, read 717,042 times
Reputation: 1615
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
We have just been made aware that my FIL has been received either phone calls or a knock on the door (magazines) and said yes.

He may have initiated a phone call to an 800 number which sells the info, I'm sure, to others.

We just found he has been overdrawing a bank account and were confused as funds go into this account.
A recent statement shows a bunch of transactions - most likely, he gave them a debit card at one time and charges keep coming.

I called and cancelled one (which were women's anti-aging products) - not exactly the product for a 92 year man! Last month, he was charged $152.48 plus $75.00 in late fees from the prior month. It's called Hydroxotone.

Then, the magazines. Over 200 have arrived since December. Cosmo, Ebony, other's women's magazines - from a place called NME.

We want to stop these - is there a way we can put a lock on his phone where certain numbers don't go through?

I think he is saying "yes" out of fear.


..........."I think he is saying yes out of fear"....

I believe you are just justifying his careless behavior.
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,187 posts, read 8,713,592 times
Reputation: 6214
Smile No HOA

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokensky View Post
Put a "no solicitors" sign on his door. Find out if his municipality has an ordinance about solicitors (many do). Does his neighborhood have a neighborhood watch? Do you know his neighbors? Are there any who will keep an eye out about solicitors and intervene? I know that is asking a lot but . . . they could always call the police if there is a no solicitation ordinance and ask the police to clear the door-to-door folks off the street.

Just a thought.
No HOA, older neighborhood in decline, lots of short sales and foreclosures now rentals. I do not believe there is a no solicitation ordinance in his city.

His next door neighbor lets us know if he sees anything wrong. Great guy. I will be sad when he moves.
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,187 posts, read 8,713,592 times
Reputation: 6214
Smile Not a dumb man....

Quote:
Originally Posted by VJDAY81445 View Post
All the advice is just tip toeing around the fact your FIL can no longer handle his own finances.

The advice given would be like having an elderly parent who is becoming a very dangerous driver and posters advising to install bigger front bumpers on his car.

Quit blaming everyone else when it is evident he doesn't have the capacity to handle a bank account.
I'm not blaming anyone; just on here for advice; that's all.

So many of us have parents from the WW II generation who were raised during the Depression years and have very firm beliefs on different things, especially money.

Bottom line: It's his money. He can do what he wants technically.

He could tell his son to butt out.

He's 92, not perfect, stubborn but he's not in bad shape for 92! He roller bladded until he was 80 and rode a bike 22 miles every other day till he was 86. (He fell in 2009)

My own mother took care of a couple once who fell for the same magazine trick and that was 20 years ago!
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,250 posts, read 8,581,033 times
Reputation: 35702
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
We have just been made aware that my FIL has been received either phone calls or a knock on the door (magazines) and said yes.

He may have initiated a phone call to an 800 number which sells the info, I'm sure, to others.

We just found he has been overdrawing a bank account and were confused as funds go into this account.
A recent statement shows a bunch of transactions - most likely, he gave them a debit card at one time and charges keep coming.

I called and cancelled one (which were women's anti-aging products) - not exactly the product for a 92 year man! Last month, he was charged $152.48 plus $75.00 in late fees from the prior month. It's called Hydroxotone.

Then, the magazines. Over 200 have arrived since December. Cosmo, Ebony, other's women's magazines - from a place called NME.

We want to stop these - is there a way we can put a lock on his phone where certain numbers don't go through?

I think he is saying "yes" out of fear.
200 magazines? Women's beauty products? Missed bills? I think you need to immediately look into getting a Power of Attorney and start considering what other measures will need to be taken soon to be sure he doesn't hurt himself (financially or otherwise).
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,138 posts, read 23,075,126 times
Reputation: 35408
I responded to a free trial for something, and then canceled within the time allowed. Several months later, there's a charge on my credit card. I called, they gave me the runaround, and I contacted my credit card company and they reversed the charges, but said they couldn't block them from doing it over and over, which happens with these companies. So, they closed that card, and issued me a new one with a new number.

Not sure if you can do that or not. But, it's possible he's not saying yes to a bunch of companies. It's possible he said yes once, and they're just charging his card now over and over.

If you can call and dispute the charges, the card issuer may reverse the charges.
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:38 PM
 
477 posts, read 400,381 times
Reputation: 1547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
We have got to go a bit slow on the financial stuff though. He is stubborn, very controlling but change of behaviors in some things in the past few months (my own observation).

He refuses to leave the home and according to an attorney, he does not have to. The caregivers come each day - my husband is there on Sunday. He is by himself at night but the caregivers stay till almost dark.

He sleeps at night (full night).

He does not fix any meals. The caregivers do that.

He walks with a cane and still reads, watches TV and can have lucid moments.

My husband is his only child and is on most accounts, however, his dad is very secretive about things and keeps to himself.

The caregivers are just angels and like him.



Update on the A T & T:
Just got a new package and lowered his bill from $122 monthly (joke) to $59 (with taxes and fees). He has the call blocking feature.
If he has hundreds of magazines being delivered to his door and hundreds of dollars in weird goods for which he is being billed every month, he is not getting enough supervision. It is as simple as that.

I second the idea of getting his mail sent to your house instead of his.

But you need to move on this and stop fiddling around. Before he signs a contract that transfers the deed to his house, or empties his bank account. Unless he is declared incompetent, such transactions will be legally binding, and there won't be a thing you can do about it after the fact.

I'm not by any means telling you to have him declared incompetent - that's a last resort type of thing. But you need to take decisive action now. Stop pussyfooting around and get it done. He may have caretakers, but he is obviously NOT getting sufficient supervision if all of this spending and giving out of his financial information can take place right under their noses.

Last edited by NeonGecko; 04-03-2015 at 05:49 PM..
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:47 PM
 
477 posts, read 400,381 times
Reputation: 1547
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
200 magazines? Women's beauty products? Missed bills? I think you need to immediately look into getting a Power of Attorney and start considering what other measures will need to be taken soon to be sure he doesn't hurt himself (financially or otherwise).
No PoA. That won't stop him frittering his money away on this type of thing. Get Payee status. That's the only way you can control this kind of thing, and stop him from doing something like buying a car he can't afford or selling his house for a pittance.

I know someone this happened to. Grandpa was way past incompetent. One day after they took his keys away from him - he hadn't had a license in years because he was legally blind even with glasses - he walked over to a car dealership and bought an expensive car - which he couldn't drive home because he had no license. So the salesman drove him home in it.

The guy who owned the dealership KNEW the guy was incompetent, he just didn't care about anything except his bottom line.

Fortunately the family was friends with the sheriff, who took the car back and "convinced" the dealer to take it back and cancel the loan. It was a small town. The sheriff's opinion mattered. Otherwise, the guy would have been responsible for a $600 a month car loan for the rest of his life, for a car he couldn't even drive.

Legally the guy didn't have to do that, and legally the contract was binding, because the old fellow hadn't been declared legally incompetent, and he didn't have a Payee.

I'm not trying to be mean, but you (the OP) are in denial about the true situation here. I will bet you that no reputable senior center would accept him into assisted living at this point, given how degraded his judgment has become. You need to act.
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Old 04-03-2015, 05:51 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,538,376 times
Reputation: 29083
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
He may have caretakers, but he is obviously NOT getting sufficient supervision if all of this spending and giving out of his financial information can take place right under their noses.
Caretakers' domains are the activities of daily living, not financial matters, nor should they be. I would, however, call the local Area Agency on Aging to see what protective services they may provide, if any, regarding fiduciary elder abuse or what referrals they could make.
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