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Old 04-03-2015, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
If he has hundreds of magazines being delivered to his door and hundreds of dollars in weird goods for which he is being billed every month, he is not getting enough supervision. It is as simple as that.

I second the idea of getting his mail sent to your house instead of his.

But you need to move on this and stop fiddling around. Before he signs a contract that transfers the deed to his house, or empties his bank account. Unless he is declared incompetent, such transactions will be legally binding, and there won't be a thing you can do about it after the fact.

I'm not by any means telling you to have him declared incompetent - that's a last resort type of thing. But you need to take decisive action now. Stop ***** footing around and get it done. He may have caretakers, but he is obviously NOT getting sufficient supervision if all of this spending and giving out of his financial information can take place right under their noses.
I agree.

There have been thread after thread of horror stories on the Caregiver Forum where people like your father-in-law have lost everything. My own aunt almost signed over her house & her land to a scam artist who had befriended her (the attorney who was asked to prepare the paperwork contacted my aunt's adult children & police because the situation seemed so "fishy" to him). Unfortunately, my aunt had already been conned out of thousands of dollars, valuable jewelry & household items and numerous family heirlooms.
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Old 04-03-2015, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,219,341 times
Reputation: 6866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
Change his mailing address to yours.
Don't tell him.
Tell the Post Office he's moving.

Your husband can take legitimate mail to him every Sunday.

It used to be that this had to be updated every once in a while. Don't know if they changed that rule.
I am curious about this. Have you ever done this or know someone else who was successful changing the mailing address? My father checks his mailbox every day. He looks forward to this. It is probably the highlight of his day! Like Bette's father, he is a control freak. There is NO way I could pull this off. Gosh, he still freaks out because my sister set up a handful of dividend checks for direct deposit. So, he is sure she is receiving a copy of his bank statement (she is not) and probably stealing his money (again, no). Maybe when my father moves into a later stage of dementia, it could work. But until then...<sigh>
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Old 04-03-2015, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,557,559 times
Reputation: 29033
You also have to watch out for elders responding to all those TV ads for insurance against "final expenses." They make those policies seem very attractive, pitching the idea that the elders need to buy them to protect their loved ones. Some companies pressure the elder to set up an automatic payment system which is VERY hard to get out of. Others collect monthly payments and then if a payment is late for any reason (even a hospital visit), the policy is cancelled but the company is allowed, by law in most states, to keep the money that was already paid out.

I have a friend whose mother signed up for a bunch of those when she was in the early stages of dementia. Meanwhile, the mother already had adequate burial insurance.
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Old 04-03-2015, 11:57 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,878 posts, read 14,390,517 times
Reputation: 30770
Quote:
Originally Posted by VJDAY81445 View Post
All the advice is just tip toeing around the fact your FIL can no longer handle his own finances.

The advice given would be like having an elderly parent who is becoming a very dangerous driver and posters advising to install bigger front bumpers on his car.

Quit blaming everyone else when it is evident he doesn't have the capacity to handle a bank account.
Yes. Your DH needs to take the action necessary to protect his father. This is hard. We hate doing it. It is hard. But your FIL needs to be protected from himself.

I agree that he might best be situated in assisted care.

Check to make sure that he has been paying taxes, including his property tax.

And the advice to become the payee for SS is right on. Also, he needs POA. He needs to do this however he can.

I know from experience that this is very hard. But he needs to protect his father.
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Old 04-04-2015, 01:07 AM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,549 posts, read 47,756,756 times
Reputation: 110424
OP on some of these situations you might want to call or write the businesses that have contacted your FIL and explain that he is a 92 year old senior and not capable of making rational decisions, that they stop billing him or contacting him in the future, to take his name off their mailing or calling list. That to continue to do so will result in elderly abuse issues and they could be held liable for their actions.
Doing this in writing gives you some legal clout, if needed. The State of Florida has several resources for aiding seniors, you may want to contact them for remedies, suggestions, additional help.
Here is a google list for starters...https://www.google.com/search?biw=91....0.MB-lxansCWo
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Old 04-04-2015, 10:10 AM
 
950 posts, read 715,158 times
Reputation: 1615
Quote:
Originally Posted by wit-nit View Post
OP on some of these situations you might want to call or write the businesses that have contacted your FIL and explain that he is a 92 year old senior and not capable of making rational decisions, that they stop billing him or contacting him in the future, to take his name off their mailing or calling list. That to continue to do so will result in elderly abuse issues and they could be held liable for their actions.
Doing this in writing gives you some legal clout, if needed. The State of Florida has several resources for aiding seniors, you may want to contact them for remedies, suggestions, additional help.
Here is a google list for starters...https://www.google.com/search?biw=91....0.MB-lxansCWo
.........."and not capable of making rational decisions "......

anyone who fits that description should have their debit card taken away .

Would the answer to a kid playing with matches be to install a sprinkler system in the house?

No........taking away the matches would be the answer.
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Old 04-04-2015, 10:15 AM
 
Location: East Coast
2,903 posts, read 4,584,577 times
Reputation: 4291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
It used to be that this had to be updated every once in a while. Don't know if they changed that rule.
Once you're on the Do Not Call list, you don't need to renew. However, many illegal calls still get through. I have my land line and cell phone on this list, and it's gotten to a point with my land line that I won't answer the phone unless I recognize the number, due to getting multiple telemarketing calls EVERY SINGLE DAY! Grrrrrr...
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Old 04-04-2015, 10:58 AM
 
2,063 posts, read 1,306,532 times
Reputation: 10031
The Do Not Call list actually made the automated calls go UP at my house.

My father sounds a lot like the man in the OP. He was always sharp as anything about finances, investments... always on top of everything. Till one day I happened to see his credit card statement laying on the table. He would open his mail and sort it very neatly, but no longer had the wherewithal to deal with it properly. And we had no clue until then.

End result, 30-40 'as seen on TV' shipments found in his closet upstairs. He was on a phone service membership thing for months we didn't know about and a few other odd things. He lost over $12,000.

We contacted every company involved and stopped everything. Returned what we could of the products. Took his credit and debit cards away "Gee dad, we don't know where they went" and started pushing hard for POA, which my sister eventually got. Try the "well eventually you might need some help" thing instead of the "you're screwing up right now" method.
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Old 04-04-2015, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,698,297 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile His home

[quote=NeonGecko;39081255]

But you need to move on this and stop fiddling around. Before he signs a contract that transfers the deed to his house, or empties his bank account. Unless he is declared incompetent, such transactions will be legally binding, and there won't be a thing you can do about it after the fact.
QUOTE]

Fortunately, my husband is co-owner of the home. That would not happen.

Note: I am not fiddling around, in fact, I deal with a lot of attorneys in my business and we often have discussions about these types of issues. He would be considered competent.

The courts would look at the 3 bounced checks as he made a mistake by pulling out the wrong (old) checkbook, that's all - and that may be all it is.

Also, the caregivers are a lot of my source of information. When they first started working, I shared some stories and I think both thought they could change him. Well, they do what they can but they tell me "you're right, Miss Bette - there ain't no changing his ways" - both are lovely, lovely ladies with true hearts of gold and patience.

We are in a much better place than 2 years ago so we have to take it day by day.

PS - He loves when the mail guy comes. Walks out and greets him; can't wait to get at his mail. Even people at 92 like to be remembered.
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Old 04-04-2015, 12:11 PM
 
950 posts, read 715,158 times
Reputation: 1615
[quote=Bette;39088884]
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post

But you need to move on this and stop fiddling around. Before he signs a contract that transfers the deed to his house, or empties his bank account. Unless he is declared incompetent, such transactions will be legally binding, and there won't be a thing you can do about it after the fact.
QUOTE]

Fortunately, my husband is co-owner of the home. That would not happen.

Note: I am not fiddling around, in fact, I deal with a lot of attorneys in my business and we often have discussions about these types of issues. He would be considered competent.

The courts would look at the 3 bounced checks as he made a mistake by pulling out the wrong (old) checkbook, that's all - and that may be all it is.

Also, the caregivers are a lot of my source of information. When they first started working, I shared some stories and I think both thought they could change him. Well, they do what they can but they tell me "you're right, Miss Bette - there ain't no changing his ways" - both are lovely, lovely ladies with true hearts of gold and patience.

We are in a much better place than 2 years ago so we have to take it day by day.

PS - He loves when the mail guy comes. Walks out and greets him; can't wait to get at his mail. Even people at 92 like to be remembered.

is that the same mailman who has back trouble from delivering all those heavy magazines ?
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