U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 04-04-2015, 12:12 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199


Originally Posted by VJDAY81445 View Post
.........."and not capable of making rational decisions "......

anyone who fits that description should have their debit card taken away .

Would the answer to a kid playing with matches be to install a sprinkler system in the house?

No........taking away the matches would be the answer.
His bank (big bank) loves to upsell. They see the elders come in; all over them seriously.

We've already had to caution the Big Bank to stop the upselling. Fortunately, a few years ago, he went to a dentist and the dentist talked him into (I guess) dentures or implants. 15K - so they opened up Care Credit and the rest of it went on his Big Bank credit card.

Well, he didn't like the dentures or the teeth hurt. He stopped paying. Both got charged off so his score is pathetic (thank God) - I'm going to put a freeze on his credit so Big Bank can't access it any more.

My husband went with him one Saturday morning to Big Bank. He was shocked - as soon as his dad walked in, 3 CSR's were all over him - what can we do for you? We have this new product? When are you buying a new car?

He is in a city with tons of seniors. Tons.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 04-04-2015, 12:16 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile Did that - thank you!

Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I responded to a free trial for something, and then canceled within the time allowed. Several months later, there's a charge on my credit card. I called, they gave me the runaround, and I contacted my credit card company and they reversed the charges, but said they couldn't block them from doing it over and over, which happens with these companies. So, they closed that card, and issued me a new one with a new number.

Not sure if you can do that or not. But, it's possible he's not saying yes to a bunch of companies. It's possible he said yes once, and they're just charging his card now over and over.

If you can call and dispute the charges, the card issuer may reverse the charges.
I called the one company that was open Friday; very helpful and yes, they cancelled the account. He has a balance so we have to pay that but he will pay it.

And yes, on the magazines, I found it was a sweepstakes where he thought there was something FREE.
Tons of people fall for this. Plus, he's bored, loves to get mail, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 12:26 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile He is not like that...

Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
No PoA. That won't stop him frittering his money away on this type of thing. Get Payee status. That's the only way you can control this kind of thing, and stop him from doing something like buying a car he can't afford or selling his house for a pittance.

I know someone this happened to. Grandpa was way past incompetent. One day after they took his keys away from him - he hadn't had a license in years because he was legally blind even with glasses - he walked over to a car dealership and bought an expensive car - which he couldn't drive home because he had no license. So the salesman drove him home in it.

The guy who owned the dealership KNEW the guy was incompetent, he just didn't care about anything except his bottom line.

Fortunately the family was friends with the sheriff, who took the car back and "convinced" the dealer to take it back and cancel the loan. It was a small town. The sheriff's opinion mattered. Otherwise, the guy would have been responsible for a $600 a month car loan for the rest of his life, for a car he couldn't even drive.

Legally the guy didn't have to do that, and legally the contract was binding, because the old fellow hadn't been declared legally incompetent, and he didn't have a Payee.

I'm not trying to be mean, but you (the OP) are in denial about the true situation here. I will bet you that no reputable senior center would accept him into assisted living at this point, given how degraded his judgment has become. You need to act.
In a court of law, he would still be declared competent. He claims he has the vision of a 20 year old. He does not even wear glasses. He is 6'3", not overweight but can be intimidating.
He has great posture and takes very little medication. ALF would love him but he will not go - he wants to stay in his own home - and he has a right to that.

Believe me, there is nothing more I would love (and I found a great place!) and that would be independent living/assisted living and then there are other sections, beautiful campus, lovely place with dancing, dining, everything you could want but he is absolutely, 100%, not leaving HIS home. I have really tried and I think it has strained our relationship.

We even set up a lunch one day with a lady from his hometown (he didn't know her but he was 91 - she was 86) and he was FURIOUS at ME for wanting to move into someplace he didn't want to go. He figured that out on his own. He acted nice to the ladies when there but I felt the wrath later.

We'll keep trying. My husband is a professional guy, pretty bright but when it comes to his dad, he's that 10 year boy again who just got caught probably watching TV or something that his dad deemed bad at the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 12:31 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile Same deal - checks the mailbox EVERY day

Originally Posted by lenora View Post
I am curious about this. Have you ever done this or know someone else who was successful changing the mailing address? My father checks his mailbox every day. He looks forward to this. It is probably the highlight of his day! Like Bette's father, he is a control freak. There is NO way I could pull this off. Gosh, he still freaks out because my sister set up a handful of dividend checks for direct deposit. So, he is sure she is receiving a copy of his bank statement (she is not) and probably stealing his money (again, no). Maybe when my father moves into a later stage of dementia, it could work. But until then...<sigh>
I think it is the highlight of his day! Loves to get mail. We send him some from time to time. I try to encourage my own children to send him little notes but it's like pulling teeth.

My FIL could probably tell you the balance of every account he has.

I thank God I pushed to have my husband put on all the accounts right away after his mom died. I knew we had a small window and that worked. Same with the house. That was done in January 2005.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 12:31 PM
Location: Surf City, NC
364 posts, read 553,294 times
Reputation: 946
One problem with the do not call list is it doesn't stop churches and "charities." If your parent has gotten on to those lists they will still be targeted. My mother got hit by the magazine thing, I didn't understand why she was getting all these magazines addressed to "Gane" (her name is Jane); until I discovered two automatic payments on her credit card bill labelled for Gane. I don't know how many months it had been going on. I think it happened when my no-good brother "borrowed" her cc and used it on some dubious websites. I check her bill periodically to make sure all the charges are legitimate (this thread prompted me to do it once more).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 12:33 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile Thank God I don't have to worry about this...

Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
You also have to watch out for elders responding to all those TV ads for insurance against "final expenses." They make those policies seem very attractive, pitching the idea that the elders need to buy them to protect their loved ones. Some companies pressure the elder to set up an automatic payment system which is VERY hard to get out of. Others collect monthly payments and then if a payment is late for any reason (even a hospital visit), the policy is cancelled but the company is allowed, by law in most states, to keep the money that was already paid out.

I have a friend whose mother signed up for a bunch of those when she was in the early stages of dementia. Meanwhile, the mother already had adequate burial insurance.
My FIL HATES anything to do with insurance - especially life insurance. Hates it, will not pay it. Ever.

He has none.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 02:11 PM
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,134 posts, read 45,664,410 times
Reputation: 61811
I always wonder when the switch gets flipped, when formerly sensible people allow themselves to become prey. We are in our 60s so I often think of this.
Most phones have a block number function, but it needs to be programmed in, which takes a few steps your dad might not be capable of.
Doesn't modern phone technology allow a land line to ring to a cellphone? Perhaps you or your husband could receive his phone calls, if he would allow it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 02:51 PM
3,842 posts, read 1,982,406 times
Reputation: 18269
Research the Panasonic telephone phone. I have a system that allows me to block up to 30 unwanted callers. You'd have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

As for the knocks on the door from strangers, there is no law that says we have to answer. I have a peep hole. If I don't recognize the knocker, that door doesn't open. It isn't rude. It's a safety issue...and it's self-preservation from persistent salesmen and religious people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 04:05 PM
Location: Florida -
8,767 posts, read 10,848,423 times
Reputation: 16640
Unfortunately, there are many crooks and scam artists out there just salivating over the opportunity to steal from the elderly, infirm and probably their own mothers. They work harder finding new ways to lie and take advantage of people ... than they would if they actually worked at a good, honest job.

Recognizing this, it is very difficult to keep someone else protected from the thieves and from their own declining abilities. It is even more difficult (and less desirable) to wrestle control of someone's life away from them, if they are only making 'bad decisions,' but, are not fully incompetent or giving away the house. Those who advise: "simply take away their car keys, credit cards, mail and checkbook" have probably not dealt with the reality of this situation. (particularly when it comes to an individual who is still living in their own home and making most of their own daily decisions).

IMO (with some experience), the 'trick' is to intervene where necessary, but, not in a way that compromises the dignity and sense of independence of the individual. One can, for example, leave the car keys intact and the vehicle in the garage, but, disable the vehicle. Remove or disfigure a number on and 'extra' Credit Card, so it will not work with random phone solicitors. Instruct caregivers what to watch for and to alert husband to potential problems; Intercept outgoing mail 'orders and subscriptions' (that will quickly be forgotten anyway); Check-in even more regularly with the individual and be alert for 'bad decisions.'

These and other creative 'interventions' may or may not work. But, at 92, trying to change the habits of a lifetime is a waste of time and effort, while forcefully robbing him of his independence, will only speed-up the inevitable. Enjoy him (and protect him) while and where you can -- and stay close enough to know when/if he truly becomes a danger to himself.

Last edited by jghorton; 04-04-2015 at 04:16 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2015, 04:10 PM
Location: SW US
2,220 posts, read 2,036,902 times
Reputation: 3824
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
Once you're on the Do Not Call list, you don't need to renew. However, many illegal calls still get through. I have my land line and cell phone on this list, and it's gotten to a point with my land line that I won't answer the phone unless I recognize the number, due to getting multiple telemarketing calls EVERY SINGLE DAY! Grrrrrr...
The Do Not Call list is not being enforced. It's up to the local jurisdictions to enforce it. Most don't. Scammers know this.
There's an agency you can file a complaint with, the FTC maybe, but you do it caller by caller and it depends on how many people complain about a number for them to take action. I had it work once when a place was calling me up to five times a day, every day for months.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top