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Old 05-17-2016, 08:46 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12805

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
Are you really serious? Putting old pajamas in a safe deposit box? Safe deposit boxes must be cheap where you live. Ours is about 10"x15"x5" and costs $133/year. And the only things that go in there are very important papers (like the deed to the house and birth certificates) and a few small valuable items (like some jewelry my father asked me to put there).

I think young people tend to be more mobile than older ones. They move around more. They also tend to live in smaller places. They don't need a lot of stuff. They don't want a lot of stuff. And they especially don't need/want most of their parents' old stuff (except perhaps things they can/will actually use and/or things that might be valuable). I know I sure didn't.

I think the psychology that goes on is the parent doesn't want/need something anymore - but can't stand to get rid of it unless he/she can sell it (even for 25 cents) - find a "new home" for it - etc. The idea of it simply going to a thrift store or into the trash (even if it belongs there) isn't acceptable. So the kids who refuse to take the old stuff become the villains.

I don't think it's fair to make the kids the villains. The true villain IMO is the parent who tries to make a child feel guilty. FWIW - I sometimes see the opposite. Which is why we have people in their 40's here whose garages are so full of their parents' junk that they can't park their cars in their garages.

BTW - I saw a great example of this inability to simply get rid of things last week. Our local golf shop had a 150% of value trade-in sale on used golf clubs. We didn't have many clubs to get rid of except my husband's old irons (he just bought a new set). But we had some - in addition to the irons. So we brought all our clubs in - and got enough credit for a new zippy golf GPS (which - unlike the old golf clubs - we will actually use). But there were guys bringing in like 30-40 old clubs. Many so old that they had no trade-in value whatsoever. And when these guys found out their old clubs were worthless - they just took them home again!!! Note that we had a couple of clubs that were also worthless - but just left them at the store (which accepts First Tee donations of used golf equipment).

Finally - I think pictures are perfectly acceptable substitutes for real things someone will never use again. And I love digital photography (you can store thousands of pictures on a thumb drive). When our parents sold their houses - I don't know how many boxes of old pictures they had. Stuff they had obviously never looked at in years. My husband and I took all of those pictures - kept the best 10% or so - organized them in 3 albums (one of us - one for each of our 2 siblings) - and tossed the rest. Note that this type of project is best undertaken when you don't have the time pressure of an imminent move (it can take a while). Robyn
Pajamas for a three month old orphan are probably very small. Fit in a sandwich sized plastic bag probably. Very small thing to keep if it means so much to her. 133 dollars a year is really not that much.
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Old 05-17-2016, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,738,878 times
Reputation: 47257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
Are you really serious? Putting old pajamas in a safe deposit box? Safe deposit boxes must be cheap where you live. Ours is about 10"x15"x5" and costs $133/year. And the only things that go in there are very important papers (like the deed to the house and birth certificates) and a few small valuable items (like some jewelry my father asked me to put there).

I think young people tend to be more mobile than older ones. They move around more. They also tend to live in smaller places. They don't need a lot of stuff. They don't want a lot of stuff. And they especially don't need/want most of their parents' old stuff (except perhaps things they can/will actually use and/or things that might be valuable). I know I sure didn't.

I think the psychology that goes on is the parent doesn't want/need something anymore - but can't stand to get rid of it unless he/she can sell it (even for 25 cents) - find a "new home" for it - etc. The idea of it simply going to a thrift store or into the trash (even if it belongs there) isn't acceptable. So the kids who refuse to take the old stuff become the villains.

I don't think it's fair to make the kids the villains. The true villain IMO is the parent who tries to make a child feel guilty. FWIW - I sometimes see the opposite. Which is why we have people in their 40's here whose garages are so full of their parents' junk that they can't park their cars in their garages.

BTW - I saw a great example of this inability to simply get rid of things last week. Our local golf shop had a 150% of value trade-in sale on used golf clubs. We didn't have many clubs to get rid of except my husband's old irons (he just bought a new set). But we had some - in addition to the irons. So we brought all our clubs in - and got enough credit for a new zippy golf GPS (which - unlike the old golf clubs - we will actually use). But there were guys bringing in like 30-40 old clubs. Many so old that they had no trade-in value whatsoever. And when these guys found out their old clubs were worthless - they just took them home again!!! Note that we had a couple of clubs that were also worthless - but just left them at the store (which accepts First Tee donations of used golf equipment).

Finally - I think pictures are perfectly acceptable substitutes for real things someone will never use again. And I love digital photography (you can store thousands of pictures on a thumb drive). When our parents sold their houses - I don't know how many boxes of old pictures they had. Stuff they had obviously never looked at in years. My husband and I took all of those pictures - kept the best 10% or so - organized them in 3 albums (one of us - one for each of our 2 siblings) - and tossed the rest. Note that this type of project is best undertaken when you don't have the time pressure of an imminent move (it can take a while). Robyn
As clemencia pointed out these little knit jammies are extremely small and don't take up any room. We have always had the biggest boxes available and like to keep all three kids adoption papers, citizenship papers, passports, etc as well as stock cdertificates, cash, silver, jewelry and all the other treasuress most people keep in a safety deposit box.
I agree with all the other points you made. We have a bunch of stuff from both our parents who have been dead decades. I recently found my father's law degree, WWII Medals, discharge papers, birth and death certificates and decided I should probably keep them. Glad I did cause I found some unclaimed money in another state and was able to claim it using these documents. And they wanted certified copies---not photographs.
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Old 05-17-2016, 09:30 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12805
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
As clemencia pointed out these little knit jammies are extremely small and don't take up any room. We have always had the biggest boxes available and like to keep all three kids adoption papers, citizenship papers, passports, etc as well as stock cdertificates, cash, silver, jewelry and all the other treasuress most people keep in a safety deposit box.
I agree with all the other points you made. We have a bunch of stuff from both our parents who have been dead decades. I recently found my father's law degree, WWII Medals, discharge papers, birth and death certificates and decided I should probably keep them. Glad I did cause I found some unclaimed money in another state and was able to claim it using these documents. And they wanted certified copies---not photographs.
Interesting military items like that could probably be given to a veteran's organization? If it comes to that.

I have my father's discharge papers from WW2 - no way would I take a picture of that and toss them in the trash. Yes I have scanned them, but having the originals means a lot!
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Old 05-17-2016, 10:37 AM
 
Location: Deep In The Heart of Texas
1,603 posts, read 1,270,176 times
Reputation: 3016
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I can relate. But I would feel better at least giving it away to somebody who might get some use out of it than tossing it in the garbage to languish in a landfill for a hundred years.


I agree, I never put anything in the trash that can be recycled or used by someone! I just can't do it.
I save up a bag of usable stuff and find a donation box. Or give it to someone, anything but having it
end up in landfill.
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Old 05-17-2016, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,738,878 times
Reputation: 47257
My husband and teenagers laugh at me because I insist on washing and reusing zip loc baggies, aluminum foil, etc. They think I'm too cheap to get new and that is my motivation. I presented to them pictures of huge barges filled with plastic floating in the ocean because nobody would take it, wildlife and ocean life choking on plastic and crap we simply toss, landfills steaming with garbage and kids rummaging through piles of discarded electronics looking for a scrap of copper or something similar to sell, studies about how long it takes for plastic to decompose (if ever) and how we have a responsibility to protect our earth for the next generation.
I guess I'm too sensitive but if there is any way I can possibly recycle something I will do it.
We have a very old and ugly outdoor furniture set. The cushions have faded and ripped but the insides are in perfectly good condition. I would gladly give the whole mess away for free - loveseat, 2 side chairs and 4 chairs plus the table to somebody who could use it. But I doubt anybody would be willing to recover the cushions. I bought some Sunbrella fabric to do that but never got around to it. If I get the time I'll cover those cushions with my new fabric and either sell or give them away too.
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,223 posts, read 12,487,684 times
Reputation: 19364
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
A long story. Our 33 year old single (unemployed for now) daughter lives about 4 hours away. She came down to help us go through some things but mostly her stuff she had here for a long time.
She came to us from Korea at 3 months old and I have always cherished the ugly but beloved jammies she was dressed in. I had put them in a bag along with her Baby Book in the closet. She told me she took digital photos of every page of the baby book and the outfit and that was all she needed. The jammies and babybook were in the trash. It crushed my heart.

I imagined her one day showing these things to her own children. No photo can replace these cherished items. A huge argument/drama ensued.

She told me there was something wrong with me for placing such importance on "things" and that we would never be able to move in a few (8-10) months if I was going to get all sentimental over every single thing that has to be decided on. She , her Daddy, and I all sat down to discuss the situation. We aired some feelings and frustrations. I assured her I was not going to get sentimental over every plate, book and item I handled but that these particular items were very special. I assured her we need her help,appreciated her help and would make great progress with her help. The original plan was for her to take a much needed break from her boyfriend. But she said she would rather avoid all the drama and stress she sees coming and she just won't help. And then she left a few hours later.

While she was talking I suddenly become my mother and she became me a few decades ago. I remember being impatient with my mother's inability to let go of things we both knew she would never use. But I toughed it out and helped my mother move several states OVER and then took her into my own home with two teenagers. I learned to let her reminisce and take her time and didn't go barging in declaring YOU HAVE GOT TO GET RID OF ALL THIS CRAP OR I'M NOT GOING TO HELP.

So now we sit with a 77 year old man in relatively good health but not strong, a 69 year old wife in poor health with no strength or ability to even stand for very long much less carry anything. (and did I tell you we have two 14 year old daughters in the mix?)

Is this where we hire a professional organizer? How much do they charge - by the job or by the hour? We have a huge amount of space to cover,(5000sf house to a 3000sf house) not much stamina but a true degree of determination. Time is on our side and we are spending 2 hours 3 days a week at least dedicated to this purge.

Suggestions- thoughts?
1. Move to the new house. If you can't move yet, move everything you are taking into storage.
2. Call Salvation Army, St. Vincent dePaul or your local animal shelter thrift store to come get everything they want. Our local handicapped workshop both has a thrift store and recycles anything that can be recycled.
3. Call a house cleaning service to get rid of anything that is left.

In between 1 and 2 you might want to gift nice stuff you don't want. My wife and I just disposed "8 place setting silver plate #3" to a young mother who is welcome to store it for the next 40 years. I doubt that it has been used more than a dozen times, so it's in new condition, Oneida Community. We have a nice set of stainless that will go in the dishwasher and we don't have to polish. We're not related to her; she's the daughter of a friend.

I understand the difficulty of letting to of things is not the thing, it's the memories. When my wife and I were first married, we went to a senior center yard sale. We bought an 8.5 quart Wearever cast aluminum kettle from an elderly woman, who was very sad to sell it. She didn't care about the pot; what she was selling was the memories of all the soups and stews she had fed her family over decades. You don't care about the baby jammies, what you don't want to part with is the feel and smell of that little baby you loved with all your heart. It's the memories that are precious, not the cloth. As hard as it is, you have to let the next generation find their own memories.

"One generation passes away, and another generation comes;
But the earth abides forever."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AyN...TyL0To&index=7
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:21 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,876,213 times
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My dad gave me a bunch (boxes!) of photos and clippings which included many duplicates and were mostly of or about people/places I never knew or barely knew. He told me he could not bear to throw any of it away. He told me to go through and decide if I wanted to keep it or pass it to others and I forget exactly how he phrased it but he let me know he would never ask to see any of it again.
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Old 05-17-2016, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,920,408 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
My husband and teenagers laugh at me because I insist on washing and reusing zip loc baggies, aluminum foil, etc. They think I'm too cheap to get new and that is my motivation. I presented to them pictures of huge barges filled with plastic floating in the ocean because nobody would take it, wildlife and ocean life choking on plastic and crap we simply toss, landfills steaming with garbage and kids rummaging through piles of discarded electronics looking for a scrap of copper or something similar to sell, studies about how long it takes for plastic to decompose (if ever) and how we have a responsibility to protect our earth for the next generation.
I guess I'm too sensitive but if there is any way I can possibly recycle something I will do it.
We have a very old and ugly outdoor furniture set. The cushions have faded and ripped but the insides are in perfectly good condition. I would gladly give the whole mess away for free - loveseat, 2 side chairs and 4 chairs plus the table to somebody who could use it. But I doubt anybody would be willing to recover the cushions. I bought some Sunbrella fabric to do that but never got around to it. If I get the time I'll cover those cushions with my new fabric and either sell or give them away too.
You have much more time on your hands than I do if you are washing and reusing zip loc bags and aluminum foil. Might be time better spent investigating retirement investments/options. Or getting a part time job - even minimum wage - preparing for retirement.

Perhaps there are dumber things than sitting around watching sitcoms on TV all day - but doing stuff that nets you about 5 cents an hour at best isn't one of them IMO. At least not in the United States.

And - if you're into all the environmental garbage (I'm not) - well don't use zip loc bags to start with. Robyn
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Old 05-17-2016, 04:38 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,762 posts, read 7,693,193 times
Reputation: 14963
After almost 40 years of marriage, my wife agreed to give her wedding dress to Goodwill. Also her teddy bear collection and her 1st anniversary present are going into an upcoming garage sale.
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Old 05-17-2016, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,738,878 times
Reputation: 47257
Robyn.....well isn't that interesting. You think saving the earth is environmental garbage. We ARE already retired with more money than we know what to do with and not everything has to have a monetary payback.
Since I'm washing dishes anyway it takes not one second more or more water or energy to swish out plastic bags and foil. My parents were raised during the depression when every single rubber band, tin foil, clothing, food, etc was scarce and appreciated and saved. A lot of what they experienced was handed down to my generation. I make absolutely no apologies for caring about "environmental garbage". And because there are non- caring folks like you I am glad my habits are in place and that my own 7 children are carrying on what they learned. And just in case you are interested, 6 of my 7 children are "recycled" as well.
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