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Old 04-08-2015, 08:24 PM
 
2,635 posts, read 3,387,770 times
Reputation: 6976

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
Alternative to putting house in son's name:

Sell your house, buy new one as joint tenants with son or in trust with life estate to you. If the deed is Son as trustee for life estate of you, it cannot be sold and, even if it were to become a matter of divorce from future wife, you would still get the life estate for it.

Set up a bank account with automatic payment to bank. (you mentioned forgetting.)

The lawyer you see should be able to explain how a life estate in the property will protect you.

The other thing you might want to discuss with your son is that by excluding this property from his future spouse, if any, then if a divorce were to occur, he would still get the house when you die rather than having the house/proceeds from the sale be divided with his future, if any, spouse.

It is clear his 30-something friends have no clue. I entered into a very late in life relationship where we both had kids and grandkids and initially kept our property separate. Never once did it occur to either of us that there was a lack of trust of the other.

This is the answer.
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Old 04-08-2015, 10:41 PM
 
Location: las vegas
186 posts, read 183,516 times
Reputation: 234
If one of my parents were in that situation I think they'd be better off in a seniors apartment. I understand you want to have your own private garden and area, but just know giving that part is to protect yourself. I would want to make sure my parents are protected incase something were to happen to me.
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Old 04-09-2015, 12:16 AM
 
300 posts, read 410,357 times
Reputation: 501
I think instead of a prenup you can get what is known as a "Life Estate". A life estate could give you the right to live in the house until you die. Then the house would revert to your son. You need to consult with a lawyer for this.
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Old 04-09-2015, 01:03 AM
 
7,016 posts, read 3,902,103 times
Reputation: 14961
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
Alternative to putting house in son's name:

Sell your house, buy new one as joint tenants with son or in trust with life estate to you. If the deed is Son as trustee for life estate of you, it cannot be sold and, even if it were to become a matter of divorce from future wife, you would still get the life estate for it.

Set up a bank account with automatic payment to bank. (you mentioned forgetting.)

The lawyer you see should be able to explain how a life estate in the property will protect you.

The other thing you might want to discuss with your son is that by excluding this property from his future spouse, if any, then if a divorce were to occur, he would still get the house when you die rather than having the house/proceeds from the sale be divided with his future, if any, spouse.

It is clear his 30-something friends have no clue. I entered into a very late in life relationship where we both had kids and grandkids and initially kept our property separate. Never once did it occur to either of us that there was a lack of trust of the other.
That's the one!

The OP can set up a trust to own the new house under the terms she wants. That alleviates the son of having to pre-nup anything to do with the future estate.
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Old 04-09-2015, 06:17 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
A reverse mortgage is only on your current residence. I don't need income, I have income. I need a place to live, and that can't be my property because it is too rural.
I was suggesting to look into a "reverses mortgage for purchase."—if you have the funds to make a down payment of whatever is required. This kind of mortgage does not produced income. It pays the balance of your mortgage. You own the house till you die, you alone are on the deed. Son can sell when you pass away or pay of the mortgage.

I understand your wish to live in a house. What folks are saying here is find some way to protect yourself if you proceed with someone else owning it and know who's on the deed.

Last edited by RiverBird; 04-09-2015 at 06:26 AM..
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Old 04-09-2015, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,024,159 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
This is an issue of communication, and attitudes. He thinks it is reasonable that a fiancee would be insulted and hurt by taking legal steps to protect my residence. I think that is totally UNREASONABLE and that anybody who would object to setting up provisions to see to the care of an elderly parent is the one being unreasonable.

So which one of us is correct?
You are, obviously. If you are at loggerheads with your son, maybe bring in a third party whom he trusts? Like another relative or close friend, to help him see things your way? Or visit an estate attorney who can set him straight about your legal interests?
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Old 04-09-2015, 07:29 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,552,600 times
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My question is, why would any future fiancé have to know the inner workings and hidden mechanisms of your agreement with your son about your house? It's none of their business or concern and as long as you can and do make the payments, everything is A-OK. Automatic payments can be arranged and that takes care of everything. Sonny Boy doesn't have to say a word and possibly get a fiancé thinking about his owning two houses. Once you're gone or have to move into some other kind of arrangement he can explain. No need to do so beforehand.

His friends are idiots, he's letting himself be unduly influenced by them and should never have run family business by them in the first place. That is neither a sign of maturity nor common sense. If it was me I'd look for another legal way to buy a house and protect yourself without involving him.
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Old 04-09-2015, 08:25 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,178 posts, read 20,569,057 times
Reputation: 26512
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
Absolutely not. There is no way I'm going in to a "senior residence". There is no question of that. It isn't at issue. Period, paragraph.



Exactly. I'm on my last legs. What do I need to "invest in me" for? I just want a place to live. By myself. The alternative is I have to keep living with my son.



No, I don't. I won't have enough in a house or equity to make any real difference.

All I want is a house to live in until I have to go into a nursing home, or I die, whichever comes first.

I'm fine with my son and his putative future wife owning the place - as long as I know I can live there til I'm done for.



I DO know that, and its not an investment - its a place for me to live until I die or have to be moved into a nursing home.

The problem is not my son - I know he'll take care of me whatever happens. The problem is his idea that its fine to trust that a future spouse or widow will feel the same way.

He thinks I am being unreasonable and that it is extremely unreasonable to take steps to be on the safe side. He thinks it would be an insult to his SO if he were to take these steps, and apparently his 30-something friends agree with him.

I think HE is being unreasonable, and that any reasonable human being would not be upset by their spouse protecting a property for his elderly mother's use during her lifetime.

A reverse mortgage is only on your current residence. I don't need income, I have income. I need a place to live, and that can't be my property because it is too rural.

Seriously, there is absolutely no way I'm going in to a "senior residence" or apartment situation. I do not understand why anybody even suggested it.

I want to live IN A HOUSE. A modest home, with a yard, so I can garden and watch the birds until the day they wheel me away.
What happens when you die, and your son is suddenly stuck with making payments on an extra house? Is he going to be financially able to do that, or will he be scrambling to come up with the extra thousand dollars a month? You're thinking a lot about the possible risks to you in the future, but you could be leaving him in a bad position.

Maybe it would be simpler to find a nice house to rent for yourself than to purchase a house. You'd be able to move more easily if you ever needed more care, and you'd have a landlord (other than your son) who was responsible for major repairs.
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Old 04-09-2015, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,829 posts, read 4,805,257 times
Reputation: 28643
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonGecko View Post
Oh for cryin' out ... that is all already done. There is NO PROBLEM with him doing it this way. This is NOT the issue.

This is an issue of communication, and attitudes.
You keep saying it's a communication issue and people on the forum keep talking past you. I'd be frustrated, too.

Quote:
He thinks it is reasonable that a fiancee would be insulted and hurt by taking legal steps to protect my residence. I think that is totally UNREASONABLE and that anybody who would object to setting up provisions to see to the care of an elderly parent is the one being unreasonable.

So which one of us is correct?
You are, of course, but you're dealing with people who still have a somewhat-idealized view of the world.

Thirty-somethings don't have the same kind of experience most of us get by the time we reach mid-life. They don't realize all the things that can go wrong until they see them firsthand.

If your son has a girlfriend already, is it possible he thinks your sensible proposal is really just a way to trash his girlfriend? It seems he's taking this very personally rather than considering a future fiancee in the abstract.

Is there a third party, someone you both know and trust, who could sit down with you two and mediate a discussion about this issue?

BTW, I expect you don't want sympathy, but even so, I am very sorry you have to deal with this.
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Old 04-09-2015, 01:24 PM
 
7,016 posts, read 3,902,103 times
Reputation: 14961
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
What happens when you die, and your son is suddenly stuck with making payments on an extra house? Is he going to be financially able to do that, or will he be scrambling to come up with the extra thousand dollars a month? You're thinking a lot about the possible risks to you in the future, but you could be leaving him in a bad position.

Maybe it would be simpler to find a nice house to rent for yourself than to purchase a house. You'd be able to move more easily if you ever needed more care, and you'd have a landlord (other than your son) who was responsible for major repairs.
He sells it. Doh.
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