U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-13-2015, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,843 posts, read 4,812,350 times
Reputation: 28675

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
One thing that has come up only tangentially in this thread so far is how we define "friends".
Differentiating between acquaintances, friends and close friends was dicey enough before social media. Just ask anyone who's had to send out wedding invitations. The truth is that whatever feeling you have for them is not always reciprocated in measure. There's always someone who is deeply hurt they weren't invited to the wedding and someone who is outraged because they think you're attempting a gift grab based on a mere acquaintance.

Facebook took an already uncertain situation and blew it sky-high. The word "friend" could mean anything now, including people you've never even met. This is one of the reasons I avoid Facebook. I believe words have definite meanings. Those meanings are our social cues. The need for social cues hasn't changed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-13-2015, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,591,612 times
Reputation: 29034
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
... We have talked a lot in recent years about this very subject: difficulty in making new friends as we age. My best friend departed for the Pacific Northwest years ago. There has been no replacing her, though I've tried. We wonder if we're asking too much of people. The last woman I was friends with started cheating on her husband and wanted to make me complicit. Then she was working to facilitate an another woman's affair with a minor male. Here at least I'm certain ending the friendship was the right thing to do. Other times it is less clear.

We plan to move out of California in two to three years, probably to Arizona because the people are friendlier and I need a change of scenery. I'm trying to be realistic about making new friends there. And because I work at home and don't see many people on a day-to-day basis, I'm practicing my conversational skills on the people I do come into contact with.
Sorry about your situation. I know guys whose bro needs continue for life-long and it's an important thing to them. If it's any comfort to your husband, if it wasn't his situation that broke up the group, it would have been something else. It's pretty unrealistic to think that adults can continue this group activity ad infinitum.

As for the sentence in your post I bolded, that's happened to me, too. The cheater was a very dear friend of mine. I'm not religious and I realize that people have affairs. But the manner in which this one was conducted made me feel the couple in question lacked morals and were really hurting their individual families. Breaking off the friendship was my attempt to get the see the reality of their situation. It didn't work but I've not regretted losing the friendship. I miss my friend terribly but I also think my former opinion wasn't realistic.

I also lost a friend when the man she was dating behaved in a very abusive manner to her. She understood he was wrong and was bad for her. She had a PhD, for heaven's sake. But she was addicted and just couldn't bring herself to drop him. Instead, she dropped me (the person who was literally protecting her) and went ahead and married him. Needless to say, he ordered her to keep me out of her life. Another very sad loss for me but one I couldn't really do anything about.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 02:15 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,591,672 times
Reputation: 3810
Quote:
Originally Posted by VJDAY81445 View Post
someone said as they get older that they want young friends.

QUESTION.........when you were young, how many older people did you take the time/effort to develop a friendship with ?
A lot!

My neighbors and many 80 to 90'year olds.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,281 posts, read 8,363,002 times
Reputation: 20264
I think the article is a crock of $hit.

I've made friends all my life that I've had since I've made them.

I am fortunate that I have so many wonderful people in my life!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,138 posts, read 9,121,854 times
Reputation: 11602
Good for you Blue Heron~ What is your secret?

As for me, my daughter who is 28 years younger than I am is my best friend. I have 3 other very good friends who know me from high school and I could share anything with them, but they are scattered across the US. I just don't make friends easily and in the past, have been "burned" by people whom I thought were my friends, and stabbed me in the back. So, living here is not what I would choose but she (and her hubby) are here, so I stay. Sometimes you meet people at meet up groups that you click with. The thing is, you have to nurse the relationship if you want to keep it. It's just not like high school was !!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Midland, MI
505 posts, read 530,846 times
Reputation: 1085
Knowing a lot of older people who lost most of their friends, I realize we all need to have some younger friends!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 08:34 PM
 
6,381 posts, read 5,105,233 times
Reputation: 12946
I've always had "older" friends. In high school I hung out with my older sister and her friends. The people my age were not as fun. They were more into trying to find someone to go steady with rather than just hang out in groups, which is much more fun. They would stay at home on weekends with the current boyfriend under the watchful eyes of their parents - blech. We had boyfriends, but we didn't sit at home with chaperones.

Now I hang out with even older sisters and their friends. I have been branching out because I think that this could be a hindrance later on in life. I know a lot of people, but I don't have close relationships with them like I do with my sisters. There are six of us! Five brothers too. Ready made friends. LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2015, 10:25 PM
 
Location: las vegas
186 posts, read 183,597 times
Reputation: 234
It is hard making friends nowadays. The older you get you see people with their friends that they've known since childhood. The friends you had in childhood seem to go their own way and forget about you. Overall its difficult keeping friendships and making friendships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top