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Old 04-12-2015, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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This is so well written.

Friends Like These - Purple Clover
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Old 04-12-2015, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Florida
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As we age, (80 & 81), the problem is that our friends keep expiring.
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Old 04-12-2015, 09:31 PM
 
Location: San Diego
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Very well written article. All the comments after it seem to agree with the writer. As about a zillion philosophers and all-around smart people have said, loneliness is the human condition.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
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I kind of agree with the article too, but also have a lot of different perspectives.

A couple of my best friends today are folks I met when in my 40's and well past the initial stages of being married and having a family and career. Even in retirement, I've managed to make a few friends that I see on a pretty regular basis, even though I didn't live here until relocating in retirement.

It was certainly an easier process when I was really young, but I suspect that the memories of those times have skewed those experiences too.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:16 PM
 
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A few points:

1) To have a friend, you have to have the time. These days, NO ONE takes the time to make friends as they decide spending hours on the computer or watching TV is more important than getting together with the neighbors and the like.

2) In the old days before air conditioning and 300 channels, people would spend hours on their front porch talking with their neighbors as they walked by. When I was in Cleveland, the area I lived in was adjacent to the lake and most of my neighbors dropped by once a week for tea or lemonade.

3) I agree with engineman that older people lose a lot of friends as they age. My aunt noted last week that at age 92, 28 of 30 of her high school friends have died and one of the remaining is suffering from dementia. Fortunately, the ALF she is in has a lot of younger poeple that she is starting friendships with.

4) If you want more friends, find someone who is looking for one. There are a lot of people who need some friends and you generally find them when volunteering or at church.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
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I have a general rule and it applies to all ages. If you want friends, you have to be a friend. That means you have to expend time and effort and sacrifice to be a friend to them if you expect them to do likewise. Expecting to just stand there and other people will seek you out and befriend you will most likely not happen.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:47 PM
 
511 posts, read 385,873 times
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Overall I do think it is more difficult to meet people when you are older.

Maybe it is because as we age, we become more self conscious?

I've noticed it is best to have friends already established when you are young

But surely, it can be done
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Old 04-12-2015, 11:10 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I have a general rule and it applies to all ages. If you want friends, you have to be a friend. That means you have to expend time and effort and sacrifice to be a friend to them if you expect them to do likewise. Expecting to just stand there and other people will seek you out and befriend you will most likely not happen.
This. Since we moved to our present location we have made a bunch of friends. As it is written in the Bible, if you want to have friends, be friendly. So we did. Or we responded to friendliness.


Works

Last edited by Mr5150; 04-12-2015 at 11:19 PM..
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Old 04-13-2015, 04:06 AM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,581,680 times
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I have to admit that as I've gotten older, I've become a lot pickier about the people I want to be friends with. When we are younger we are thrown into situations that create social groups FOR us. The neighborhood we grew up in, the schools we attended, the places we worked, the families of our children's friends, our relatives, etc. Those people drifted into our lives; by and large we did not go out and seek them.

But over the years, those people also drift away.

I've written here before about losing two close friends after they married and their spouses froze out the people they socialized with when they were single. I've found out from posts here that it happens to a lot of people. You can be IN a friend's wedding and if you don't have a partner their new spouse wants to social with, that's usually the end of the friendship. Young married want to be friends with other young marrieds. Not true across the board, but certainly common.

Some parents just have no use for friends who are childless. To some degree it's that their kids just take up so much of their time they don't have the opportunity to socialize. But to another degree it's like we're from another planet to them. I've lost friends who became religious zealots and friends who experienced problems (depression, addiction, alcoholism) that separated them from their former crowds.

And now that I've gotten to the age that allows me to have that "been there, done that" feeling about a lot of things, I meet fewer people I actually want to devote tremendous amounts of time and attention to. I don't have that many years left to live that I want to fritter away my time "hanging out" with people with whom I have little in common. I still have a few people in my life who are near and dear to me and I cherish them. And I enjoy socializing with people I do share interests with. But at my current age I'm capable of entertaining myself and keeping busy with activities I enjoy. I volunteer and I hope I never stop having a curious mind that wants to learn new things. I don't need people just to fill a void.
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Old 04-13-2015, 06:00 AM
 
10,428 posts, read 9,415,380 times
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I don't live in an age-restricted community; however, we have many retired residents. We get together routinely and since we are retired, we have more time to visit.

When I worked full time, my free time was obviously limited as far as socializing.
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