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Old 04-16-2015, 08:13 AM
5,397 posts, read 6,540,598 times
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Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
I am wondering how many of you over 60 would want to marry again.

My mom was widowed at 56, and although she was very active and attractive, after about three or four dates (different men), she decided that she just did not want to spend the rest of her life "playing nursemaid to some old geezer" (her words). She is now 82 and has not regretted her decision at all.

I am 61 and have been happily married for 30 years, and if I were widowed, there is no way I would want to marry again, either. It just wouldn't be fair to any possible future spouse because after having experienced as perfect a marriage as I could possibly imagine, he would definitely come up short.

Are my mother and I unusual? Or do most of you feel the same way?
No you are not unusual, I feel the same way.

I tried dating a bit but found that the men were wanting to recreate their best moments from their previous marriage or wanted a housewife. There are many women willing to fulfill those roles for companionship I guess. But I am happy to be independent and take care of myself.

Your Mom was right.
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Old 04-16-2015, 08:27 AM
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I could never marry again. This is a second marriage and we have had a fantastic life together. We have traveled all over, made friends from many different places, done many things on our bucket lists and spend 24/7 together. I would never find the companionship and the love that we have shared. Above all we are best friends who each give so much of ourselves.
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Old 04-16-2015, 08:40 AM
Location: Eastern UP of Michigan
1,202 posts, read 683,126 times
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Grandparents(moms side) were married for 60+years. Can't remember how long although I remember the anniversary get together. Grandmother died a couple of years later. My grandfather remarried a couple of years after that at age 85. His second wife was an absolute sweetheart and had never been married.

After she fell and broke a hip, they both moved into the "home" as he didn't want to be away from her but knew he could no longer provide her with all the care she needed. His health was quite good.

They lived about 2 years together in the home, when he passed away 1 month short of his 101st B-day. She past away about 1 year later.

He was absolutely in love with her and had found another soul mate.

While we have only been married for 9 months(thank you New York) we have been together about 40 years. If I found another soul mate as my grandfather did-absolutely I would remarry.
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Old 04-16-2015, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Soul mate, to me, implies that there is just that ONE person for you in life. In your entire life. I think that is hogwash. I've had long term relationships and found that there were several people that I was very compatible with. When a relationship ended, I realized I could find compatiblility with lots of people (partners) but that no one person would/could fill the bill totally so there were differenet aspects found in more than one person. I didn't have several relationships going at once but found I wasn't devasted when one relationship ended because I knew there would be more that provided what it was I needed/wanted. Hence, my not seeing one person and the "be all end all" for a spouse/partner (however you look at them). Frankly, I would never want anyone calling me their soul mate. I would never want to be that "EVERYTHING" to a person. I would have to wonder about that person's ability or lack of to have a sense of autonomy.
Oh, I totally agree. I think there are any number of people 'out there' who could be our 'soul mate', if they are a compatible personality type. Unfortunately, my personality type is rather rare.

One of the reasons I divorced my second husband is that he expected me to be EVERYTHING to him (including his slave). Drove me crazy.

I have known couples who are joined at hip and love it. And that's fine. But I couldn't never be like that with anyone (I don't think).
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Old 04-16-2015, 10:12 AM
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No, absolutely not - I would rather die than ever get married again.
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Old 04-16-2015, 10:17 AM
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 865,025 times
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i was married for 36 years to my childhood sweetheart, and never before or after his death, felt that that was enough time. at the risk of sounding like a cliche, we were each others' best friends. i have always had women friends, but i never felt any of them could be termed a best friend; i think i always felt the best understood and the best compatibility with him.

as i've posted previously, i've had a significant other for 13+ years, and although i feel closest to him of all the people i know well and casually, it is not, nor will be, the kind of relationship i had with my husband. i greatly value this relationship and would be devastated without it, but i don't think it could ever match, for many reasons, what i had with him. i think i would feel this way about any relationship i would have at this point in my life. therefore, i don't really see the need to re- marry. i am grateful for what i had and for what i have; it has to be enough.
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Old 04-16-2015, 10:41 AM
Location: Seattle some of the time now.
727 posts, read 524,782 times
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No. Never. Married for 24 years. Husband left for a younger version of me during his mid-life crisis. I've had a SO for 15 years & now he's going through a mid-life crisis. He is 15 years younger than I so it's a little different this time. However, both relationships have ended the same. It's too painful & devastating to go through a 3rd time. I am young at heart but at 63 I feel as though I'm done!
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Old 04-16-2015, 11:05 AM
Location: Fairbanks, AK
1,748 posts, read 2,367,947 times
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I was widowed at 45, 3.5 years ago. I had a 9 year old and a 13 year old. My husband and I had been together 25 years. I really have no desire to remarry. I've dated some but not had anyone I just wanted full time in my life. Nice guys, just not anyone I could see with me long term. I realize it's only been 3.5 years so my feelings may change. There are times when I get lonely and my girlfriends just don't fill that void. So maybe once I finish getting these kids raised. I don't know, never say never. Not really feeling the need for a marriage but would like a relationship.
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Old 04-16-2015, 11:33 AM
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,238,618 times
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Originally Posted by younglisa7 View Post
No I wouldn't remarry. My husband is the best and it won't get better than him I've known him for 40 years and been married for 17. No one else can ever know me as well as my husband does. Besides I really don't want to deal with other people's baggage.
Well, that's obvious ... since you're married to Miraculous Mike
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Old 04-16-2015, 12:05 PM
Location: Chicago area
14,412 posts, read 7,932,198 times
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Would I remarry? Hmm that's a hard one. I've only seen John once in two weeks. The first week he was gone was really rough. It's hard to do without the affection and physical touch I'm used to. This second week was a little easier but there are those unresolved physical needs. He's coming home tomorrow He is the love of my life and anyone else could possibly be just second best. That would not be fair to the other person. I'm highly social and the companionship of having someone to do things with would be nice. I could find a boy toy to come once or twice a week for the physical needs. I don't know if I would remarry. It's very complicated. There would have to be an iron clad prenuptial agreement as well unless he had more money then me. It would be a difficult decision but I would have to say yes if it was the right person, and only after we had lived together for awhile.
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