U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-19-2015, 10:53 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,067,156 times
Reputation: 17029

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicet4 View Post
Get married again? Maybe not, might be best to just live in sin because that avoids problems with the death of a spouse.

God forbid but let's say something happens to my wife. Shortly after I would start looking for someone but before I met her we each had lives with others... children and everything that goes along with that.

Live in sin... she'd keep her house and all her belongings and I'd keep all mine because if I die I want my children to get everything their mother and I accumulated over our lifetime and I am sure her children would feel the same. Saw it happen once; an older man and woman married after a previous life and children. When she died her the jewelry her first husband gave to her ended up in the possession of his children after he died. To me this would be unconscionable... my future companion and I might share a small joint checking account but that would be about it. Anything we did purchase together would be documented.

Nothing better happen to my wife is all I can say.
Love this, so sweet. At the same time it reminds me of just how susceptible some men can be and why it's so important to legally nail down our wishes.

Last edited by biscuitmom; 04-19-2015 at 11:17 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-19-2015, 11:06 PM
 
8,860 posts, read 5,139,069 times
Reputation: 10139
Quote:
Originally Posted by marcopolo View Post
A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
I'd like to embroider this on a pillow.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 12:13 AM
 
Location: Seattle some of the time now.
727 posts, read 524,654 times
Reputation: 1238
My mil's mother lost her husband when they were each 53 yrs old. She waited & remarried at age 79. My fil advised her not to as she would end up taking care of this old, sick guy. That's exactly what happened. However, the 2x widow lived to be 102 years old! She was about 4'10 in her stocking feet. But everyone moved when she told them what to do!! Ahhh...good memories.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 12:48 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,608 posts, read 39,974,527 times
Reputation: 23749
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100 View Post
I'd like to embroider this on a pillow.

Might need a "Gold chain" of pillows. Marriage #3, #5 ....

More triumphs of hope or experience? (some never seem to learn, so many marry the same issues... over, and over...)

Once is plenty, I would not want to hinder another (again).
I certainly have a lot more to discover and learn about #1! (Far more than a lifetime will avail) HOPE is still eternal with #1, tho one of us is bound to exit soon (both on borrowed time and still quite young).

Buy more LIFE insurance (when available)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 12:13 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,950,095 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by HomeIsWhere... View Post

...
surprisingly what I discovered is that there were vast differences between divorced men and widowers. The divorced men seemed more anxious to find "the one" and remarry and the widowers, not so much; I can't explain it really. What do I know?
Let me hazard a guess. Divorced men got used to a certain standard of care and attentiveness, which cannot be replicated through self-administration. The costs to their wives of providing that care precipitated their former wives to dump them.

Speaking from experience: there is a point (religious beliefs notwithstanding) at which women say to themselves: "Gee, I'm not getting a whole lot out of this. I could have better peace, AND a better standard of living, without the overhead".

At the point when the man has given so little to the marriage that he cannot be viewed as anything other than overhead - that's when the spouse files.

OF COURSE divorced men perceive being unmarried as an emergency! Who would NOT want somebody to pitch in for the bills (if not pay them entirely); cook, clean and etc.!! - after their first wives have done all that!

Sadly, some women are so dumb and soooo needy that they walk right into it.

JMO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 12:40 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 990,367 times
Reputation: 6954
Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_sm1th73 View Post
Let me hazard a guess. Divorced men got used to a certain standard of care and attentiveness, which cannot be replicated through self-administration. The costs to their wives of providing that care precipitated their former wives to dump them.

Speaking from experience: there is a point (religious beliefs notwithstanding) at which women say to themselves: "Gee, I'm not getting a whole lot out of this. I could have better peace, AND a better standard of living, without the overhead".

At the point when the man has given so little to the marriage that he cannot be viewed as anything other than overhead - that's when the spouse files.

OF COURSE divorced men perceive being unmarried as an emergency! Who would NOT want somebody to pitch in for the bills (if not pay them entirely); cook, clean and etc.!! - after their first wives have done all that!

Sadly, some women are so dumb and soooo needy that they walk right into it.

JMO.
Jane, I agree with you about some divorced men (and women) but some, I think they just feel so bad about themselves that they want to prove that they aren't that bad. Prove it to themselves and the partner they departed from.

and if its a mid life crisis divorce, and their spouse was their only "love", they are in a hurry to see what they missed

A widower with a good marriage would be my choice...... if I had a choice . A man my age is usually looking for someone younger.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 01:40 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,950,095 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
Jane, I agree with you about some divorced men (and women)
...
Boogie's Mom, you are quite right to call attention to my failure to qualify! Certainly "all" is not the correct classification, when citing anecdotal evidence and opining! Thanks - With Red Face, Jane
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 02:07 PM
 
6,381 posts, read 3,585,076 times
Reputation: 7314
My Grandma was widowed at the age of 34 (1934) with 2 young children. She had the same boyfriend for 30+ years. Every year on her birthday he asked her to marry him. Every year she said NO. I suppose you could say even back then there were "feminists". She refused all financial help from not only him, but her dead husband's family also.

I am 66. My husband has had a heart attack and went Code Blue 4 times last year. If he were to pass, would I remarry? Hell no. I would not even date anyone. I am perfectly comfortable being all alone under my own skin, but then I am an Only Child who learned that very young. My feeling is that far more widowers would be looking for a relationship/marriage than widows. I hated the concept of dating in my 20's. Think I would like it any more in my 60's?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 03:06 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 22 days ago)
 
8,704 posts, read 10,847,720 times
Reputation: 12766
Boyfriend maybe, but I get to go home to my house and him his house. No more husbands. The point would escape me as to the reason to do that.
I seriously doubt I could find anyone to put up w/ me the way my husband does!! Seriously.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2015, 06:30 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,914 posts, read 4,068,959 times
Reputation: 15540
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Pretty much every formerly married woman I know said they wouldn't do it again. Widowed or divorced.
This is me. Nope. No way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
No. I said I wasn't going to get married again 24 years ago and being older makes me even less inclined. I don't want a roommate, either. My compromising days are over.
Yep. This is me. I LIKE not having to check in or compromise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VJDAY81445 View Post
It is impossible for anyone who is now married to say if they would marry if their spouse died.

Even if they use the phrase "no way "
Mmmmm, for me, it's no way!

I get to always sit in the best seat in the living room.
I get to always decide what I want to eat.
I get to always decide what I want to do.
I get to always decide....everything!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top