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Not exactly, I married a Latina and we live in her home country. For them it is all about family and giving the Man the bigger piece of chicken!
And this attitude of male entitlement is exactly why so many women would not want to marry again. Good luck with your new family. Too bad you had to go to a disadvantaged country to find someone willing to cater to you. Not sure how you can not see what is wrong with this picture.
KGRYFON, Such a good point. My brother married a phillopeno (sp) woman and although us girls , there were four of us, tried to show her the American way, she still caters to him. Guess it worked because they are celebrating their 45th Anniversary.
Ha ha! Well, it worked for him, anyway...I wouldn't doubt that if he dies before her she'll be one of those that say "never again!"
I think a lot of times for women from disadvantaged countries it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, and the American men are a better bet than their own countrymen. At least that's what those women that I've talked about this with have said to me. My brother married a Philippino woman as well...
Seems to me the most common answer to "Would you marry again?" is No!
Why?
I think most people value their freedom and don't want to be controlled by a new spouse.
When you were young, marriage seemed like a good idea. Those chemical responses in your brain to a potential mate were natures way of continuing the species. You really desired a mate.
But now that you've lived life, the reality of giving up freedom is too much to pay.
AFter 65 years I have come to realize that love is a fantasy.
We build on it and claim it but it really isn't real.
I like to think I have loved but not knowing what the thing is i failed at it .
Knowing this about my self it would not be appropriate to pursue a relationship with some one hoping for the fantasy.
Seems to me the most common answer to "Would you marry again?" is No!
Why?
I think most people value their freedom and don't want to be controlled by a new spouse.
I suspect that the concern is not being "controlled by a new spouse", but rather the the loss of freedom to do what we want, when we want. As you allude to, we've all been around the block a few times and I doubt many of us would allow ourselves to be controlled by anyone else.
You're right. It is a very interesting thread that I've enjoyed reading.
After 40 years of marriage (we married in college), we split and actually divorced. It was toward the end of my working days. The pressures of family (mainly aging parents), some large disappointments, constant overwork, and differing views sent us in separate ways. While apart a few years, we had time to really assess our lives and realized in talking that we missed each other, even the disagreements, that we could be much more mutually supportive as we age, and that we have a shared history going back to age 20.
We got back together in a new light and it feels right. Will we legally marry again? We don't know. We're so busy with our lives, our work and house renovation and grandkids etc that we've had little to no time to think about our legal status. In truth I don't think it matters. We are coming up on 47 years, that's half a century. We accept each others' faults and appreciate each other's great points. We do disagree on small things but it's with more understanding of differing viewpoints. He is my VBF and I hope I am for him, too. We're loner types and no one else would likely be able (or want) to live with either of us, lol. I pray I go first. I don't want to be in the world without him.
Legal marriage may happen in a few years, but it's no longer a matter. The point is committing to a lifelong partner. That's probably the hugest challenge in both our lifetimes, and when folks talk about accomplishments, that's the only meaningful thing I can come up with.
After 40 years of marriage (we married in college), we split and actually divorced. It was toward the end of my working days. The pressures of family (mainly aging parents), some large disappointments, constant overwork, and differing views sent us in separate ways. While apart a few years, we had time to really assess our lives and realized in talking that we missed each other, even the disagreements, that we could be much more mutually supportive as we age, and that we have a shared history going back to age 20.
We got back together in a new light and it feels right. Will we legally marry again? We don't know. We're so busy with our lives, our work and house renovation and grandkids etc that we've had little to no time to think about our legal status. In truth I don't think it matters. We are coming up on 47 years, that's half a century. We accept each others' faults and appreciate each other's great points. We do disagree on small things but it's with more understanding of differing viewpoints. He is my VBF and I hope I am for him, too. We're loner types and no one else would likely be able (or want) to live with either of us, lol. I pray I go first. I don't want to be in the world without him.
Legal marriage may happen in a few years, but it's no longer a matter. The point is committing to a lifelong partner. That's probably the hugest challenge in both our lifetimes, and when folks talk about accomplishments, that's the only meaningful thing I can come up with.
The pressure of aging parents. That can be a big issue. My parents passed away ten years ago but my wife of thirty three years is just beginning her journey with her aging parents. This inequality in experience has been difficult in our marriage. If I could I would take upon myself the sorrow and suffering that lies ahead for her and protect her from that. However, that is not possible. So I must be patient and supportive.
It was heart warming to read your post. Best of luck to the both of you.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kgryfon
Ha ha! Well, it worked for him, anyway...I wouldn't doubt that if he dies before her she'll be one of those that say "never again!"
I think a lot of times for women from disadvantaged countries it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, and the American men are a better bet than their own countrymen. At least that's what those women that I've talked about this with have said to me. My brother married a Philippino woman as well...
I don't find this at all true with the many spouses I have known through 25 yrs of international living.
Different cultures mixing in marriage bring some challenges and MANY benefits (to both spouses). I know far more delighted spouses, than those who are 'burdened' with the thought of caring for each other (regardless of role).
If someone WANTS to be married, there are MANY excellent options, tho the 'due diligence' is critical. A widower friend waited 10 yrs to remarry, and chose a foreign spouse and quickly realized they came with 'extended family' who had no intention of ever leaving home. (35 yr old 'son' in this case). 3 can be a crowd in 'retirement romance'.
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