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Old 04-16-2015, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,868 posts, read 14,390,517 times
Reputation: 30765

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My kids' spouses and partner call me by my first name, as they do DH. My grands call us grandma and grandpa with our first names attached, since they have two of each.

I remember that my MIL never told me what she wanted to be called, and it took a long time for me to call her by her first name. But I finally did. I never thought of her that way though. In my mind she was
"DH's mom."

Just tell your "in laws" what you want to be called.

You need to relax about this. Think of ways to make your kids' chosen partners feel friendly toward you. That's the main thing. Life will be easier if they like you. And vice versa.
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Old 04-17-2015, 08:35 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,069 posts, read 9,533,605 times
Reputation: 5815
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!
The most constructive solution I have to offer is, get over that bugginess. You're dealing with a way wider circle of fellow people now. Their idea of what's appropriate is very likely different from yours. And their idea is equally as valid as yours.

After that, if you have preferences, then ask if they will comply. They might, or might not. *shrug* Don' t sweat the small stuff. And, it's all small stuff.
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Old 04-17-2015, 10:46 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,955,483 times
Reputation: 18050
I like to be called by my first name by adults. Much to do about nothing is my view.
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Old 04-17-2015, 11:14 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,551 posts, read 47,756,756 times
Reputation: 110419
All the adults call me by my first name, all the children call me grandpa.
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Old 04-17-2015, 11:59 PM
 
4,070 posts, read 1,559,260 times
Reputation: 7411
My 2 grandsons (now in college) were taught to call me "Uncle Hoot"
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:10 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Everyone uses my first name including Mr. CSD's grand children, they have 2 grand mother's living and I happen to be Married to their PaPa except it is a bit different, they call me "Papa's CSD".
Mr. CSD's children use my first name, they are grown adults and have a Mother our new daughter in law is not sure what to do because she is Chinese and everyone who marries refers to their Mother and Mother In Law as "Mama".
She does not want to offend her husband's (my step son's) Mother and she does not want to offend me.
I told her whatever she is comfortable with so she calls me "Mama CSD" and calls her "Mama".
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Old 04-18-2015, 12:11 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,257,322 times
Reputation: 62056
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoot N Annie View Post
My 2 grandsons (now in college) were taught to call me "Uncle Hoot"
One of my Brother In Laws married a woman with children and her grand children call him Colonel.
I have no idea why but that is how it is.
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Old 04-18-2015, 04:43 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,951 posts, read 1,538,444 times
Reputation: 2438
My FIL I call "Dad"....not sure if it bugs him....I'm not quite the guy he thought his daughter would marry....but then, like a Dad, no man is good enough, but I will tell ya, I don't think she could find a man that loves her as much, and would turn his would upside down to make her happy....it's like my life mission that I'm very passionate about. Step MIL I call by first name. Nephews and Nieces usually call me by first name only....sometimes with "Uncle"...makes me feel old 'cause they are all grown adults.....but doesn't matter, I'm not the real formal type, but try to be respectful.
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Old 04-18-2015, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Houston/Brenham
4,121 posts, read 4,700,648 times
Reputation: 7578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not retired, but I figure many people in this part of the forum are in my age group, and many probably have adult-aged kids who have brought new family members into your lives. So I hope someone has input/advice, or even personal experience.

If your adult-aged sons/daughters have brought you in-laws (their significant others- spouses, etc.) how do those people address you, does it matter to you, and do you have any influence on the topic?

From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!
You are asking for a formality that is considered odd these days. Certainly, you can request a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to call you Mr. Smith, but that sounds so standoffish that (IMHO) there will exist a wall that will preclude closeness from being established.

When our kids were little, their friends called us Mr. or Mrs. Smith. But once they became adults, I told them to call me John.

Only non-adults should call someone Mr. Smith. And business relations, of course.
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Old 04-18-2015, 08:56 AM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,225,700 times
Reputation: 3330
Shouldn't this be in the 'non-romantic relationships' thread?
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