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Old 04-18-2015, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,116 posts, read 8,156,220 times
Reputation: 18771

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We have 2 daughters, so our sons-in-law call me "Dave" and my wife "Cynthia". Nor sure how it would work if we'd had sons, and had DILs. Probably the same. One set of grandchildren calls me "Pop", and the other set calls me "Gramps".

The only problem I had was with my neice and nephew when they were young...I was only about 30 and did NOT want to be called "Uncle". I asked my brother and his wife to please have them call me "Dave". This was back in the 70's. They were uncertain how to comply, as they wanted their children to learn manners and to be courteous. One of the kids overheard the conversation, and from then on, I was "Dave"!
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:09 PM
 
3,997 posts, read 3,221,666 times
Reputation: 13017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not retired, but I figure many people in this part of the forum are in my age group, and many probably have adult-aged kids who have brought new family members into your lives. So I hope someone has input/advice, or even personal experience.

If your adult-aged sons/daughters have brought you in-laws (their significant others- spouses, etc.) how do those people address you, does it matter to you, and do you have any influence on the topic?

From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!
This is one of the wierder posts Ive ever read. People your kids ages? What happens when your kids turn 40, what do you want people your kid's age to call you?

Really?? Its heartbreaking if someone calls you by your name???

Sounds like you have some sort of royalty complex to me.
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,784 posts, read 4,838,667 times
Reputation: 19458
I have always called my MIL'S (2) by their first name. I had a mother, MIL was not my mom. Why would I call her Mom? I don't have kids but I prefer if my nieces and nephews (all adults) simply call me by my first name. A few call me Auntie, or Aunt XXX. If it makes them happy I don't mind. It really doesn't bug me either way. I have an Aunt and Uncle that insist to this day that they be addressed as Aunt XXX and Uncle XXX, even though I am 56 and they are 80. If they like it that way, that's what I'll do. Seems sorta silly, but no big deal.

OP you sound a little uptight about what people call you. I would just be glad that they like me enough to call or spend time with me. I can think of so many other problems that you could have. This seems like a very "first world" type of issue.
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Old 04-18-2015, 04:39 PM
 
8,977 posts, read 8,109,767 times
Reputation: 19497
I am 83 years old, and have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, plus sister and brother in laws, and even 2 sisters still alive.

Think that any of them should be formal with me is in my opinion crazy. That is not family, that is business relationships. If you want them to be formal, it cannot be a close family. All my working life was in the business world, nearly all of it in management position, or owning the business. There were times it was Mr. and other times by my first name, depending on the circumstances. I was friends with and worked to get a governor elected and other politicians, and knew business managers and owners in the corporate world. All of them and I were on a first name basis.

Relations calls me by my first name, except children call me dad, and above the grandchildren all the other relatives do also. My grandchildren and great grandkids, call me grandpa. Sometimes younger nieces and nephews will call me uncle, the older ones by first name.

To think that one should be formal with family, is unheard of to me.
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Old 04-18-2015, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,217 posts, read 8,306,163 times
Reputation: 20001
In the south, you call your inlaws by Mr. and Mrs. WhateverTheirLastNameIs until the grandkids start being born.

After that you call your inlaws what your children call them.

My husband's parents are still Nana and Grandad to me and my mother is Memaw to my husband.
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Old 04-18-2015, 10:14 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,501 posts, read 62,182,463 times
Reputation: 32182
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
My husband's parents are still Nana and Grandad to me
and my mother is Memaw to my husband.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avrov1zorUo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWgcoeBPH1E
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Old 04-18-2015, 10:54 PM
 
13,169 posts, read 20,795,870 times
Reputation: 35467
Our DIL calls us Mr and Mrs Last Name. I hate it. I've asked her to use our first names, so she just doesn't call us anything.
Our grandson is 2, and we've bounced around a couple of names, but nothing has stuck.
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Old 04-19-2015, 06:01 AM
 
2,690 posts, read 4,411,021 times
Reputation: 1936
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not retired, but I figure many people in this part of the forum are in my age group, and many probably have adult-aged kids who have brought new family members into your lives. So I hope someone has input/advice, or even personal experience.

If your adult-aged sons/daughters have brought you in-laws (their significant others- spouses, etc.) how do those people address you, does it matter to you, and do you have any influence on the topic?

From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!
What's the problem? Just have them call you by your first name or if you want, dad/mom.
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Old 04-19-2015, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,948 posts, read 5,305,279 times
Reputation: 17967
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
I'm not retired, but I figure many people in this part of the forum are in my age group, and many probably have adult-aged kids who have brought new family members into your lives. So I hope someone has input/advice, or even personal experience.

If your adult-aged sons/daughters have brought you in-laws (their significant others- spouses, etc.) how do those people address you, does it matter to you, and do you have any influence on the topic?

From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!

All adults familiar with each other should use first names.

I have 1 mom and 1 dad. No one else would ever be called that.

If you are that picky about what you are called you should have introduced yourself as Mrs. Smith when you met them.

People shouldn't try to change what children are taught to call you. If they are told to call you uncle you should accept it not change it. If they call you Mr. don't tell them to call you Mike. Let people raise their children the way they think is best.

When my friends had children their parents told them I was Mr. Smith. I will ignore a 5 year old using my first name.

I am completely against calling someone what they are not. My uncles and aunts were my parents siblings. I would never call anyone else that.
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Old 04-19-2015, 08:53 AM
 
Location: The analog world
17,086 posts, read 9,870,032 times
Reputation: 22744
My husband and I refer to each other's parents by their first names. The kids call them Grandma or Grandpa as is the custom in our region.
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