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Old 04-16-2015, 05:17 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,429,484 times
Reputation: 3980

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I'm not retired, but I figure many people in this part of the forum are in my age group, and many probably have adult-aged kids who have brought new family members into your lives. So I hope someone has input/advice, or even personal experience.

If your adult-aged sons/daughters have brought you in-laws (their significant others- spouses, etc.) how do those people address you, does it matter to you, and do you have any influence on the topic?

From where I stand:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate- for people my kids' ages to address me by my first name is out of line;
2. Worse yet, if you have an in-law you really like, care about as a member of your family, it's heartbreaking if they dismiss that relationship and call you "Mary" or "Joe."

It's extreme enough that I sometimes avoid communications because I don't know how to sign emails, cards, etc. I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
There's also the additional factor of not wanting to be disrespectful to an in-law's own parents.

Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated!!!
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,951,044 times
Reputation: 17366
Everyone calls me Maggie. Kids or adults, it does not matter to me. Both sets of in-laws, all of my nieces and nephews including grands.
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:33 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 988,551 times
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What form of address would you find acceptable?
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:43 PM
 
6,246 posts, read 4,728,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
..... I simply don't know how to address the topic without sounding weird.
....
The whole topic is weird. I think this sort of issue died about 1950 and our society has continued to be less formal.
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:49 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,494 posts, read 62,152,821 times
Reputation: 32168
Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie2101 View Post
Everyone calls me Maggie.
I like this idea.

I used to work with a guy who called everyone "George".
It worked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia 914 View Post
...how do those people address you, does it matter to you?
The grands don't talk yet. My kids use Dad. Ex has a variety of sweet terms for me...
Everyone else knows my name and uses it including DIL and SIL.
Quote:
1. I've always been buggy about what is and isn't appropriate
That sounds like a problem.

Quote:
Any constructive solutions would be greatly appreciated
Let go. Enjoy the relationships.
Attached Thumbnails
an "in-law" dilemma-guacamoleboy.jpg  

Last edited by MrRational; 04-16-2015 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,498,448 times
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I've been on first name basis with my in laws since Day 1.
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Old 04-16-2015, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,973,893 times
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I address my MIL with "Mom," because that's generally what my generation did from the beginning of becoming a new wife. It always felt uncomfortable. After I got old, I don't see her much (she is on the opposite coast), so I've tried to avoid having to address her with "Mom"; I just start talking.

My DIL calls me by my first name. The grandkids call me "nana," which is fine. When I email DIL, I sign it with my first name-hyphen-nana. That feels weird too.

Our culture does not have an enduring style of addressing in-laws, unfortunately.
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Old 04-16-2015, 06:59 PM
 
6,795 posts, read 3,862,667 times
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Newenglandgirl, I have similar feelings. My DIL started out calling me Mom, but it was never that comfortable for either of us although we are quite fond of each other. She has a wonderful Mom of her own and doesn't need another and my son doesn't either. Neither will ever be as close to their MILs as they are to their real Moms, which is fine. I myself never have never had a MIL so I'm just winging the whole thing anyway!
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Old 04-16-2015, 07:57 PM
 
11,935 posts, read 20,386,478 times
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Well -- I don't have kids but I remember being the one trying to find something to call my in laws. Wonderful people. Not being sarcastic. She started calling me Brunhilda. She called the other son's girlfriend by her right name. Soon found out -- she didn't like the girlfriend.

I decided early on that I'd do what we did in our neighborhood. All parents in my circle of friends were Mom and Dad. All parents answered to it.

So they were Mom and Pop. This ticked off my sister, as our father died early, and she felt NO ONE ELSE should be called by the honorific of father in any form except our father.

I flat out said -- No. He was Daddy. He will always be Daddy, and I will only have one Daddy. And I called my mother Ma.

It worked.

They're all gone now, and sorely missed.
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Old 04-16-2015, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,986 posts, read 2,635,623 times
Reputation: 7543
This seems to be a very sensitive topic to you, OP. If I felt as strongly about it as you do, I'd figure out what I want these people to call me, and I'd politely ask them to honor my request.

If you can't think of any name or title by which you'd like to be called, maybe you could have a conversation with the people involved and see if they have a suggestion.
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