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Old 04-19-2015, 08:21 AM
5,399 posts, read 6,545,752 times
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Brothers love their sisters even as they are old and grey. So I would say it is appropriate for your husband to do something because of that sibling connection. But how it is done should be within the family dynamics.

One way could be for your husband to talk with his sister (1) to define the problem and understand boundaries and (2) to see how she wants to handle it. A what can I do/what can we all do type meeting. Then implement what they decide.

He could also, with Sis' permission speak to one of her children or all of them to let them know the situation and to offer to help them help their mother.

Least desirable option would be to do it all him/yourself.

Good luck. It is nice that they have each other.
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Old 04-19-2015, 11:40 AM
Location: Wisconsin
17,068 posts, read 17,395,218 times
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Originally Posted by Southlander View Post
You asked if the children should be involved - YES. Maybe they don't know about her day to day hassles with the park owner. She probably tells them everything is fine, and they're busy so they don't really look into it in depth.
They need to step up and take some responsibility here. You can still assist, suggestion solutions etc., but they're the ones who need to help her.
I agree that you need to encourage your SIL to be honest with her children about it.

I remember a time when my husband's father lost his job and they were going through horrible, horrible financial problems and they did not tell their adult children until years later. We did not have a lot of extra money, nor did the other siblings, but we certainly would have helped out if we had known. My husband felt really badly that his parents did not share that information with us when it was happening and we could have helped. They lived 1,500 miles away and told us everything was fine when it really was not fine.

Maybe, it will turn out that it is better for the brother to give the help, but the adult children (and maybe the adult grandchildren) need to be told first and work on plans to help their mom/grandma.
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:41 PM
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,583,976 times
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Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
One brother turned into a high salary position because of his knowledge. When Mom needed help, he pitched in the most to be sure she was comfortable. Yes, the rest pitched in as we could, but he bore the main financial burden.

If there hadn't been family meetings, none of us would have been aware.
3 of us pitched in for my parents.

Glad to do it.
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Old 04-21-2015, 11:10 AM
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,855,118 times
Reputation: 6379
Similar situation in my house. My dad getting on to 79 fell and got hurt clearing snow from his trailer park home. They hired on someone but he lives in Maine and the winters are never easy. I had been on him for years to sell the trailer or give it to the park owner (his cousin BTW) but he would not have it. Finally after a few more winters I got them (dad and his wife) to sell the trailer to park at a nice sum of $5k and move into an apartment building downtown Lewiston. A much better situation for someone who can no longer do maintenance on property.
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