U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-22-2015, 05:42 PM
 
761 posts, read 639,846 times
Reputation: 2229

Advertisements

Getting divorced before my retirement. Came to a mutual agreement that it's best for both of us.
Financially, it's harder because there will be less total assets that combined would have been more than $1.5 mil.

O well, that's how the cookie crumbles and we should both be ok.
Plan to retire in 2 years and I have started the debt reduction and refinancing that should have been done long ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-22-2015, 06:06 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,584,621 times
Reputation: 3810
I divorced in my 20s. Married way too young to someone who wanted
To play all the time.

He proceeded to sponge off many more women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-22-2015, 07:16 PM
 
6,842 posts, read 3,882,320 times
Reputation: 15625
I don't know any who have. When my mom retired, she told me about 2 couples she knew who chose to live separately but not divorce. One of the men lived next door to her and I don't blame his wife for moving out! He was the meanest person I've ever met!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-22-2015, 09:41 PM
 
26,148 posts, read 28,548,775 times
Reputation: 24868
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Sources would be some of the 20,001 articles published every year about boomers retiring.

Mostly they all give the same information and advice but now and again there's mention of people divorcing because retirement has forced them to examine their relationship -- and what they find isn't good.

Call it delayed midlife crisis, call it a realization that life is just too short to go on this way, whatever.

I only know of one such story myself and I got it secondhand from a friend.

The man was significantly older than his wife, maybe 20 years. They decided to do a teardown/remodel of their house. I don't know what it looked like before, but it is a large and rather grand two-story now, with a guest house in back. At some point after the work was completed, the man decided to retire.

But he didn't just retire. He divorced his wife and moved into the guest house at the rear of the property. He stopped paying bills. His wife, who works full-time as a nurse, was forced to rent out bedrooms in the newly-remodeled house because along with a bigger house, they (she) had a bigger mortgage. Her ex wanders into the house any time he feels like it.

You almost have to admire the cunning with which he set her up but good. The only way she can get away from her ex and off the treadmill of renting out rooms to boarders and working full-time besides is to sell the property. But then she loses what I assume is her dream house.

Surprise, honey! You said you wanted a nice house, now you get to pay for it.

I've met both of them briefly. She seems nice but harried, he has the air of a contented man. Probably not your typical post-retirement divorce story but it's the only one I have.
Sounds like the dream house is a nightmare. Not worth it IMO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-23-2015, 06:23 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,172 posts, read 1,270,926 times
Reputation: 4492
My parents divorced at 65, and theyd been retired since 55......WAIT.....YOU BECAME A STRIPPER AT 47???? PLease start your own thread about that! That would be the most popular thread here!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, my mother had a gambling problem, as well as being a chain smoker, and clothes horse. My father quit smoking in his late 30s, but has always been a proud, self centered and closed individual. Rarely have I ever seen him smile. They should had have divorced long before they retired, but neither wanted to financially have to deal with it. They did nothing together. And had nothing in common by the time the 5 kids were grown and gone. My father was a very hardworking man, and they had started their own construction company together building homes. They were wuite successful for considering my mother was not educated enough to handle business (barely graduated from high school) and my father was an immigrant with a 5th grade education but street smart. My mother always belittled my father because he always had trouble reading english and never understood finance, investing, planning, business etc. In reality, neither did my mother, but she loved to pretend she did. As I got older and realized some of the bone head moves and things she said, she was already beyond help. But they made one consistently right move from the late 60s through the 80s. They bought, improved and sold real estate, and almost always made out very well. But they also did teach me to live below my means, and have ambition and dreams. Despite them selves. They made a lot of money (for them) and loved to Florida to buy some rental property for income, retire early and live a life of luxury. Like I said, neither really ever did any real analysis or planning. Soon they found out the income wasn't what they thought it would be, and my father went back to work for a few years. They ended up selling the rentals and such and getting an income broker at Merril Lynch, and lived off their SS and investment income easily, since the house was paid for.

When my father went to their broker to find out why their monthly income check from investments was dropping steadily, when all he heard was how well the market was doing, he foumd out that my mother was making regular cash withdrawals that amounted to $100k + over the last few years. He was moret hwn a little pissed off. Til she died, she insisted she was always a winner at Jaialai, and he was ignorant as to what it cost to live. We were never consulted or allowed to find out what was the truth, but they divorced, sold the house, and be took enough to buy his own small house, and 200k that he put with a different brokerage, and my mother got her own similar house, and about 300k. By the time my mother died, at 68, she only had about 80k, and had taken out a small life insurance policy. My father did well until the crash in 2008, and then ignorantly refused to listen to us and the broker (though why he was aggresively invested, I never found out) and sold everything at near bottom and put it in CDs. So he lives OK, but is bitter that he feels he worked his whole life and lost almost all of it due to my mother and the stock market.

They lived much "better" and separate lives when they were together, and lived far less comfortably in much smaller houses in less desireable (but not bad) areas. My father was definitely happier aftet the divorce, until 2008, and my mother died in 2008, and was not really the same after the divorce.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-23-2015, 05:19 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,514,657 times
Reputation: 29081
This likely doesn't "qualify" but after 25 years of marriage my former stay-at-home wife left me so I divorced her. Turns out she already had someone in the wings so it was a good move on my part. At the time, I was 48 and beginning to look ahead to retirement, with her even, but with a six year old and 10 year old still in the home and the ex's spending habits I was of the opinion that retirement, if it happened at all, would still be another 25 years down the road.

In any event, this was California - not a husband and father loving state at the time - so I was wiped-out financially in the divorce as well as being hit with support payments in excess of $2,000 a month. The ex had cleaned out our bank accounts on her way out the door and was then awarded half my pension fund and half my 401(k) so retirement seemed even further away. Meanwhile she married boyfriend before the ink was dry on the final divorce order.

LivingDeadGirl would likely have turned me down so fast-forward to age 50 and an employed woman to the rescue. After two years of living like a monk I summoned up the courage to try a date and asked out a woman I had met at work five years before and with whom I not only stayed in touch but worked with on occasion as I became a policy consultant to her agency on some in-common, political issues. Amazingly, she accepted my invitation. Even more amazing, we've now been married over 18 years.

Given past experience, I had determined that one of three criteria I insisted upon if I was ever to get involved again was that the woman be long-term employed with her own retirement plan. She met that requirement and the other two as well. Looking at our joint incomes, pensions, savings, etc. I realized that eventual retirement, for both of us, was a possibility - we'd both thought we'd have to work until they found us dead at our desks. Ultimately, she retired at age 55 and I retired at 62. So far (we're now 66 and just shy of 69), so good.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Last edited by Curmudgeon; 04-23-2015 at 05:47 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top