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Everyone who has ever gotten divorced has done so either before or after retirement.
I expect you understood exactly what I meant and took this opportunity to snark. How nice for you.
Retirement is a pivotal event. A couple may have wandered along life more-or-less aimlessly. That stops when retirement is the issue. Certain long-unquestioned assumptions -- such as what age to stop working or to even stop working at all -- are tested. The prospect of spending 24 hours a day together for all time may seem unbearable. Dormant stressors are magnified.
So I ask again: Did you get divorced either right before or right after retiring, or know someone who did? What do you think prompted it? Was it a move to an unfamiliar location, a remove from old friends back home? Or something else?
I expect you understood exactly what I meant and took this opportunity to snark. How nice for you.
Retirement is a pivotal event. A couple may have wandered along life more-or-less aimlessly. That stops when retirement is the issue. Certain long-unquestioned assumptions -- such as what age to stop working or to even stop working at all -- are tested. The prospect of spending 24 hours a day together for all time may seem unbearable. Dormant stressors are magnified.
So I ask again: Did you get divorced either right before or right after retiring, or know someone who did? What do you think prompted it? Was it a move to an unfamiliar location, a remove from old friends back home? Or something else?
Thanks.
No snark at all. Your original question is very vague. You didn't ask right before or right after originally, just "either before or after". You asked for "anecdotal evidence", but didn't say of what. If I had guessed, I would have guessed property settlements. Now it seems that would have been completely wrong, as it appears you are looking for reasons for the divorce.
I notice that despite all the views, I am the only person who ventured a reply at all. So apparently, I am not the only reader who found your question to be vague.
But my goodness, I do apologize that my ESP is not up to your standards. (Yes, that was a bit snarky).
A couple may have wandered along life more-or-less aimlessly. That stops when retirement is the issue. Certain long-unquestioned assumptions -- such as what age to stop working or to even stop working at all -- are tested. The prospect of spending 24 hours a day together for all time may seem unbearable. Dormant stressors are magnified.
Interesting presumption, I've not heard of such and am interested in your sources. Please share.
No; actually most people I know if they got a divorce it was in 30's . None at or after retirement. All of those remarried by early 40's and still married.
You want a story? I have a good one. My 2nd husband was a mean, penny pinching, arrogant guy and he was so verbally abusive and I tried so hard to be agreeable, that after 7 years of marriage, I weighed 89 lbs and took 20 presc meds a day and was still a nervous wreck. Meanwhile, as a parking director at a university, with all the politics, it was all I could do to manage. So..... I retired when I was able to age 47 yrs of age, I got a facelift and a boob job, became a stripper and divorced the husband a few months later. I now weigh 120 lbs, take only my thyroid/hormone, sleep disorder drug and am happy as a clam. I don't even go on dates ! And a few days ago we were discussing "would you remarry" - I'd rather DIE first !
Interesting presumption, I've not heard of such and am interested in your sources. Please share.
Sources would be some of the 20,001 articles published every year about boomers retiring.
Mostly they all give the same information and advice but now and again there's mention of people divorcing because retirement has forced them to examine their relationship -- and what they find isn't good.
Call it delayed midlife crisis, call it a realization that life is just too short to go on this way, whatever.
I only know of one such story myself and I got it secondhand from a friend.
The man was significantly older than his wife, maybe 20 years. They decided to do a teardown/remodel of their house. I don't know what it looked like before, but it is a large and rather grand two-story now, with a guest house in back. At some point after the work was completed, the man decided to retire.
But he didn't just retire. He divorced his wife and moved into the guest house at the rear of the property. He stopped paying bills. His wife, who works full-time as a nurse, was forced to rent out bedrooms in the newly-remodeled house because along with a bigger house, they (she) had a bigger mortgage. Her ex wanders into the house any time he feels like it.
You almost have to admire the cunning with which he set her up but good. The only way she can get away from her ex and off the treadmill of renting out rooms to boarders and working full-time besides is to sell the property. But then she loses what I assume is her dream house.
Surprise, honey! You said you wanted a nice house, now you get to pay for it.
I've met both of them briefly. She seems nice but harried, he has the air of a contented man. Probably not your typical post-retirement divorce story but it's the only one I have.
we are retired but not divorced so my response is more theoretical rather than anecdotal.
i think if there are unresolved issues before retirement, they will remain unresolved after. some may get harder to tolerate and others may fade in importance.
according to reports i have read married people leading separate lives is increasing, retired or not. some even live in separate houses. finances and taxes have a lot to do with it. i imagine also shared history if it was a long marriage, children and grand children, may be factors.
does this help as a response?
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