U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-12-2015, 08:14 AM
 
753 posts, read 706,102 times
Reputation: 1175

Advertisements

After my hubby passed away, a friend sent a card and it was very comforting and encouraging. One thing she mentioned was that now I would be reinventing myself in order to move on without him.

At first, I must admit, I found that rather strange! But, over these last 6 months or so I have come to realize that is exactly what I have been doing in order to move on. Funny but I never thought of it in those terms. The phrase itself still makes me chuckle even though it describes the process right on.

Has anyone else had that experience and know what I mean?

Last edited by mamasplace; 05-12-2015 at 08:14 AM.. Reason: grammer
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-12-2015, 08:52 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,258,991 times
Reputation: 4309
I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes, I understand having to reinvent yourself. Being widowed creates a new normal for you. It is a journey and a process.

Be kind to yourself. Sending wishes for peace.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 09:06 AM
 
8,877 posts, read 2,756,449 times
Reputation: 5434
I am so sorry your loss. You sound like you are in a good place. I do believe one of the keys to happiness and contentment after a loss is to reinvent ourselves. Hugs to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Bay Area, California
118 posts, read 127,953 times
Reputation: 619
I completely understand and wish you all the best.

Tho I am not a widow, I divorced when my children were young, and my whole life has been family and career. It has been a fast paced life focused almost entirely outward. Working overtime to pay for college, and meeting goals.

A few weeks ago the last of the kiddos moved out and I am in the process of clearing out and selling the family home of 35 years. I have bought my dream house on a lake, peaceful and serene. I am also in the process of retiring. It is all scary and exciting.. a whole new life! I feel blessed that I have the opportunity to re-invent myself, my phrase is "trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up."

Fears of loneliness are ever-present but I am learning more about myself and struggling to be patient with the emerging person who is somewhat lost not having the demands of job and family direct her days.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 09:27 AM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,578,241 times
Reputation: 3810
it must be very difficult to become another person.

However you will probably just become a new version of yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 10:13 AM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 864,170 times
Reputation: 2367
my husband died 13 years ago, and, from my experience,i would say reinvention is usually necessary. and yes, it can be a hard road. if you have been in a long term marriage, for most, your identity is caught up with the other person, and finding out who you are, without the other person tucking in corners, and without your doing that for him, it is sometimes scary and sometimes exciting, finding out who you are on our own.

for myself, i find i am much more assertive, willing to take more risks (calculated ), and probably more frank with people about who i really am. some of what i have become , i like, and wish i had been that way much earlier, but i am not quite the same person i was when i was part of a long term couple. there is no going back as the road you were on no longer exists, and part of being a widow is finding a new road on which you will feel comfortable. it is a process, and a changing one. even after these years of being a widow, i'm still finding out what works for me and what no longer does. some of the choices i've made in the last 13 years still surprise me, and i sometimes wonder if the person i used to be would have made the same choices.

good luck!

catsy girl
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 01:30 PM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,664,264 times
Reputation: 5376
Reinventing yourself is a great coping phrase just as opening a new chapter in your life's book is.
It helps you to become an extroverted personality when you are feeling introverted which can lead to the negative emotions of loneliness and depression.
The secret is to stay busy and do things that keep the body oxygenated and the mind stimulated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 01:53 PM
 
Location: R.I.
972 posts, read 603,846 times
Reputation: 4185
I was widowed suddenly in 2001 when I was 44. Initially I felt so much like a fish out of water as two weeks before my husband passed I had started a new job. Fortunately all my new coworkers and boss were so supportive, and looking back that new job was not only a financial blessing, but the starting point of my unfolding new life.

Grief is a one day at a time journey and the end of that journey comes about very subtly. The day I knew I had arrived at the end of my grief journey was when I looked at my wedding album and smiled instead of cried.

Take care and very sorry for your loss.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2015, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,969,510 times
Reputation: 15649
Because there have been so many changes and some tragedies in my life, I've had to reinvent myself in a sense with each one. As Stanley Kunitz ends one of his (and my favorite) poems, "I am not done with my changes." I sort of live by this. The Layers by Stanley Kunitz : The Poetry Foundation
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-25-2019, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,165 posts, read 8,689,130 times
Reputation: 6166
Smile Not a widow but looking to reinvent myself

2019 - I'm really trying to be healthy and during this process (working out with a trainer and also walking 4 miles a day), the trainer mentioned something to me.

This is going to sound really stupid but I have never used my given name. I hate it; still hate it but my parents gave me a nickname which went OK with my maiden name but kind of sounds flat with my married name.

The other night, he wanted to know what my name was from. He did not know it was a nickname.
So, I told this to the trainer.

He said, well, why don't you go by ___ and it would sound good with your last name? Well, it does and then I had this dream.

I dreamed I had moved away to a 55 plus, took this name, was thinner, was doing all the things I missed out on in life, having friends, all the social stuff and then I woke up.

Do people actually do this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top