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Old 05-20-2015, 05:57 PM
 
231 posts, read 132,094 times
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Just buy him a Dynacorn 1969 Camaro body and a Year One catalog.

That should take a while.
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Old 05-20-2015, 07:12 PM
 
29,782 posts, read 34,871,258 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
I'm not seeing the difference if the issue is not doing anything. Personally, I don't turn the TV on until dinner time but I don't see a difference between sitting on the beach or beside the pool or at the mall and sitting on the couch.
Bada Bing!
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Old 05-20-2015, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Miraflores
786 posts, read 894,545 times
Reputation: 1531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
These other activities generally involve being outside and seeing other people, or will probably involve some sort of socializing. Even posting on here, we're interacting with others. You aren't doing that watching TV.
My MIL talks to the TV all the time!
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Old 05-22-2015, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Idaho
4,627 posts, read 4,468,721 times
Reputation: 9050
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
From Forbes - "What to do with a retired husband: Chapter 1 of 3", by Robert Laura.

What To Do With A Retired Husband: Chapter 1 of 3 - Forbes
For those are still interested - Chapter 3 of 3 is up.

What To Do With A Retired Husband: Chapter 3 of 3: Releasing the Burden
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Old 05-22-2015, 08:59 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,879,340 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
For those are still interested - Chapter 3 of 3 is up.

What To Do With A Retired Husband: Chapter 3 of 3: Releasing the Burden
He makes his perspective quite clear in this one:
Quote:
Itís been said that behind every great man is an even better woman. In my opinion, thatís a fancy way of saying women know whatís really important in life and by following those instincts, they keep their spouse, and others, and even the world a better place.
He is hawking workshops to women, IMO.
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Old 05-22-2015, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Idaho
1,454 posts, read 1,155,436 times
Reputation: 5492
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
For those are still interested - Chapter 3 of 3 is up.

What To Do With A Retired Husband: Chapter 3 of 3: Releasing the Burden
The stories described in these chapters made me think of the sad situation experienced by an older friend and wondered whether any of the 'fix-it formulas' suggested by the author would have worked for her.

The friend has been an active member of our rowing club for 15 years or longer. She is in her early 70 and her husband is probably few years older (my guess not based on his appearance but on when they each retired).

For years, Mrs. X has been fretting and worrying about her husband's inactivity in retirement. He pretty much glues to the tube all day watching the news. She retired about 5 years ago and have been very active in all kinds of activities: rowing, hiking, running fund raising events and even helping with building a wooden boat. She has tried to engage him in some of her activities, bought him a video camera so that he could taping her races, bought him all kind of electronic gadgets so that he could listen to the news while taking a walk (none worked! he prefers staying home with the tube), booking cruises in big ships where activities are offered both on board and on shores. Her vacation pictures showed she was the only one being active!

I don't see him very often, once in a race when he tried his video camera (it appeared to be the only time he used it!) and once a year at the annual fundraising dinner. Every time that I see him, he looked bigger and walked slower. I did see some family pictures in his younger days and he is now probably 3-4 times wider.

This morning, she joined the early rowing session which was a rarity. She looked quite worn out and very worried. I learned that her husband has had difficulty walking and getting out of bed. She said that she got him out of bed, plopped him in an easy chair, and decided that it was the only time she could safely leaving him for an hour! The poor woman clearly needed a rest, a mental and physical break from the 24/7 care.

For this case, I don't think that it was unreasonable for my friend to be concerned about her husband's inactivity in retirement. I think she had done many of the things suggested by the author. I don't doubt the happy ending story of chapter 3 but I very much doubt that the suggestions there would work for everybody.

Last edited by BellaDL; 05-22-2015 at 02:43 PM..
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Old 05-22-2015, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
Reputation: 32304
Default Point/counterpoint

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer0101 View Post
Never have understood the mania some have for managing some other person's life. Wives in particular need to give it a rest, there is no requirement that a retired husband meekly subordinate what he wants to do to his wife's world view. He's an adult, let him make his own decisions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaDL View Post
The stories described in these chapters made me think of the sad situation experienced by an older friend and wondered whether any of the 'fix-it formulas' suggested by the author would have worked for her.

The friend has been an active member of our rowing club for 15 years or longer. She is in her early 70 and her husband is probably few years older (my guess not based on his appearance but on when they each retired).

For years, Mrs. X has been fretting and worrying about her husband's inactivity in retirement. He pretty much glues to the tube all day watching the news. She retired about 5 years ago and have been very active in all kinds of activities: rowing, hiking, running fund raising events and even helping with building a wooden boat. She has tried to engage him in some of her activities, bought him a video camera so that he could taping her races, bought him all kind of electronic gadgets so that he could listen to the news while taking a walk (none worked! he prefers staying home with the tube), booking cruises in big ships where activities are offered both on board and on shores. Her vacation pictures showed she was the only one being active!

I don't see him very often, once in a race when he tried his video camera (it appeared to be the only time he used it!) and once a year at the annual fundraising dinner. Every time that I see him, he looked bigger and walked slower. I did see some family pictures in his younger days and he is now probably 3-4 times wider.

This morning, she joined the early rowing session which is a rarity. She looked quite worn out and very worried. I learned that her husband has had difficulty walking and getting out of bed. She said that she got him out of bed, plopped him in a easy chair, and decided that it was the only time she could safely leaving him for an hour! The poor woman clearly needed a rest, a mental and physical break from the 24/7 care.

For this case, I don't think that it was unreasonable for my friend to be concerned about her husband's inactivity in retirement. I think she had done all the things suggested in chapter 2. Somehow, I doubt that chapter 3's suggestions would have worked. I don't doubt the happy ending story of chapter 3 but I very much doubt that the suggestions there would work for everybody.
Wanderer0101 has a good point on a theoretical level, but I think BellaDL's real life example is an effective rebuttal to it. While both partners of a married couple are not going to have the same desires or the same approach to their retirement lifestyles, the issue is what to do when one of them (doesn't matter if the man or the woman) is pursuing a seriously destructive life style. And being a total couch potato is most definitely seriously destructive, just like heavy smoking or serious abuse of alcohol is.

I don't see one partner just sitting by uncaring while watching the other self-destruct, reasoning that they are just respecting the other person's autonomy. The self-destruction of the one affects the other! (As illustrated by the example of BellaDL's friend - and once again, this is not a male/female issue because it could be the wife who is getting too fat to walk).

I'm not claiming that there is an answer to this; what does one do when all the encouragement and interventions have come to naught? The husband in the above example is actually committing suicide, and I do feel for his wife.
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Old 05-22-2015, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,664 posts, read 4,712,277 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanderer0101 View Post
Never have understood the mania some have for managing some other person's life.
Perhaps that's because you've completely mischaracterized what's going on.

No one knows what's occurring inside of a marriage unless you're part of it. I'm surprised and saddened to find so many quick-to-judge people in the Retirement forum.
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Old 05-22-2015, 05:53 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,879,340 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Perhaps that's because you've completely mischaracterized what's going on.

No one knows what's occurring inside of a marriage unless you're part of it. I'm surprised and saddened to find so many quick-to-judge people in the Retirement forum.
Ironic...
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Old 05-22-2015, 07:47 PM
 
Location: San Diego CA
4,868 posts, read 3,385,719 times
Reputation: 7782
My sister in law got fed up with dealing with her retired husband by continuing to work. When she comes home in the evenings she goes to bed at 8pm to get away from him. She's 71 now and plans to continue to work until she drops.
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