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Old 05-22-2015, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,994,426 times
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Everyone's responsible for his or her own life. It's such a cliché that "the wife" has to look out for "hubby" in retirement. He's a grown man and can decide whether he wants to squander his days or do something constructive. A "wife" need only do her own thing and that's about it.
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Old 05-23-2015, 05:48 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,756,785 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Everyone's responsible for his or her own life. It's such a cliché that "the wife" has to look out for "hubby" in retirement. He's a grown man and can decide whether he wants to squander his days or do something constructive. A "wife" need only do her own thing and that's about it.
Sure, as a principle one respects the other's autonomy. But did you read BellaDL's post on the previous page, and my reflections on that post? Her friend's life has been impacted because hubby, an extreme couch potato, finally became too fat to walk and she has to help him get around the house. I repeat: her life has been seriously impacted by his habits. It seems to me you have to account for that objection somehow before you continue with your line of reasoning.

While some wives, and some husbands, are doubtless too overbearing and too controlling, the fact remains that when two people live together, what the one does affects the other.
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Old 05-23-2015, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,994,426 times
Reputation: 15649
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Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Sure, as a principle one respects the other's autonomy. But did you read BellaDL's post on the previous page, and my reflections on that post? Her friend's life has been impacted because hubby, an extreme couch potato, finally became too fat to walk and she has to help him get around the house. I repeat: her life has been seriously impacted by his habits. It seems to me you have to account for that objection somehow before you continue with your line of reasoning.

While some wives, and some husbands, are doubtless too overbearing and too controlling, the fact remains that when two people live together, what the one does affects the other.
Of course what one does affects the other, no doubt. What I have seen in "my circle" (please note, I'm not making a blanket statement) of known relatives and friends is that wife, who has pretty much taken care of the meals and household and looking after most everything domestic before retirement, keeps on in that role post retirement. It's almost a June Cleaver kind of thing... "sigh, what to do with hubby." If he's genuinely ill, I have no question about taking care of him. That's part of the "for better or worse" vow, and part of being a loving partner imo. But if hubby is so lazy that all he wants to do is sit around and then gets fat and immobile from his own irresponsibility, personally I would draw the line. Same as with adult kids. These are your choices, this is what the consequence is. If you continue this way you will have to hire help. (You can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink.) I'm off on a cruise.
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Old 05-25-2015, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,981 posts, read 3,470,444 times
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After reading all this, that was good advice, to hire help. It may help make him realize that his actions are his responsibility. Unless it impacts her lifestyle as well as his.
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Old 05-26-2015, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Idaho
1,456 posts, read 1,158,299 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
If he's genuinely ill, I have no question about taking care of him. That's part of the "for better or worse" vow, and part of being a loving partner imo.
.....
These are your choices, this is what the consequence is. If you continue this way you will have to hire help. (You can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink.) I'm off on a cruise.
Newenglandgirl,

The sad thing about my friend's situation is that her husband's health has deteriorated in his retirement to the point that he is now genuinely ill. He could barely walk with the aid of a walker. When he collapsed (which happened twice in the last month), my friend could not help him to get up and had to call EMT.

It seems that it will be just a matter of time before she has to hire a live-in helper. It will be expensive and I very much doubt that she would be be off on a cruise by herself leaving her ill husband with the help!!

I was quite worried about my husband when he hurt his back last year and was mostly immobilized for several months. We rigged up all kinds of back, knee and leg supports so that he could do a bit of exercises while lying on his stomach (he had to sleep like a bat on a mattress on the living room floor for 6 months!). He did gain some weight during that period in spite of being quite mindful of his diet.

We are so glad that he is now back to almost 'normal' and could walk 2 miles daily with the dog, do some floor exercises daily and go to the gym with me 2-3 times a week for weight lifting, aerobic exercise and swimming.

Complete inactivity in combination with poor diet can easily lead to obesity and this can lead to all kinds of health issues.

Last edited by BellaDL; 05-26-2015 at 08:13 AM..
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Old 08-25-2016, 02:04 PM
 
2,014 posts, read 1,255,692 times
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Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach View Post
Ironic...
Indeed! But they never see it.
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Old 08-30-2016, 10:24 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
7,629 posts, read 14,388,006 times
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The common thread I find in these posts is that the couples have grown apart and have no desire/need to be actively involved with the other in the gift known as "retirement". How sad. Happily retired and can't wait until my DH has joined me so we can travel, enjoy, spend as much time as we want to together even after all these years. STILL married to my best friend and PROUD of it!!! We are counting the days until he punches out of the rat race called work!
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