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Old 05-22-2015, 06:03 PM
 
7,981 posts, read 3,469,850 times
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Do what YOU want to do. It's your decision, not hers. Remember most women out live their husbands. She can work if she wants and in real estate she can work almost forever!
Don't play games with her. Be firm and make a decision. God knows if the shoe was on the other foot she would do what she wants.......
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Old 05-23-2015, 01:03 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,692 posts, read 4,725,286 times
Reputation: 28176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tominftl View Post
God knows if the shoe was on the other foot she would do what she wants.......
You don't know the OP's wife, so how can you say that?
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Old 05-23-2015, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,252 posts, read 8,543,297 times
Reputation: 35677
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I'm surprised that you are surprised. I believe that splitting the pension is pretty standard in a divorce (in joint property states).
Yup - the non-receiving spouse has to specifically sign off on it in most divorce decrees - so some other compensation might come into play.
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Old 05-23-2015, 08:23 AM
 
4,484 posts, read 4,746,514 times
Reputation: 9942
I love how on some threads the OP just disappears yet so many people just keep right on going, even feeling the need to disagree with others and there is neither hide nor hair of the OP.

Truly, just another dead horse.
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Old 05-23-2015, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,747,361 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I love how on some threads the OP just disappears yet so many people just keep right on going, even feeling the need to disagree with others and there is neither hide nor hair of the OP.

Truly, just another dead horse.
I see no reason why people shouldn't just keep right on going in the absence of the OP. At least in most cases, there is a legitimate topic of discussion underway which does not depend on any particular individual for its validity or its level of interest.
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Old 05-23-2015, 01:12 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,881,013 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I see no reason why people shouldn't just keep right on going in the absence of the OP. At least in most cases, there is a legitimate topic of discussion underway which does not depend on any particular individual for its validity or its level of interest.
Especially this kind of subject. Lots of people jump in because it is something they need to discuss but don't want to raise the issue. I ordered the book someone suggested and it looks like it will help give structure for a discussion that needs to happen at my house. I am still following with interest.
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Old 05-25-2015, 06:21 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,226,304 times
Reputation: 3330
Quote:
I think it would be tough for many to have to work after a spoused retired.
Yep. Big Time. Had a friend who's husband had a very physical and dangerous public sector job and was early retired due to a partial disability.....and she was still working at a job she hates.

She HATED leaving for that job, and seeing him sitting on the sofa or still in bed. Their money situation was "ok," but he didn't NEED to work. His thought was "I DID work. I'm retired now. And don't feel like working. Sorry hun...but it's not my fault you're going to a job you hate."

HER thinking was...yeah, but IF you'd work...just PART-time, it would help the money situation and perhaps the quicker I could leave this job I hate. There was just a lot of resentment for a good while. Eventually......he hound s part time job he loves. Now at least the resentment about him not working isn't ant issue.
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Old 05-26-2015, 07:06 PM
 
906 posts, read 651,450 times
Reputation: 836
@Dave_n_Tenn

Of course she doesnt want you to retire yet, she still wants and will miss her sweety time with the postal mail man hahaha
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Old 05-28-2015, 01:23 PM
 
9,685 posts, read 4,566,593 times
Reputation: 12598
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
The last of our four kids just graduated college last week and has gotten the "talk" about "trying" to be financially independent by the end of year (from OP)

Child could have lived at home; believe, some children have very adult college lives and they and their friends still come around.
Since you're quoting from post #1 to defend your belief that they could be dealing with empty nest syndrome, perhaps you should read his post #16.

To some points raised...

*The youngest has been away at college for 5 yrs (EE) so no empty nest... we're done with that.
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Old 06-03-2015, 11:56 PM
 
1,825 posts, read 2,482,249 times
Reputation: 4143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacerta View Post
Retirement is not an entitlement. For most of human history, people worked until they died. If they became old and enfeebled, and were no longer able to work, their kids supported them, the town supported them, or they died. Our notion of being able to work for 30 or 40 years and then retire for an equal length of time is basically new in the last century. So I think the notion that someone "deserves" retirement is a crazy one in the first place. If you can't afford to retire, you don't retire unless you are no longer physically or mentally able to work ("I'm sick of working" does not count, or I'd be retired already). I'm saying that if you can't afford for both spouses to retire (and they both want to), you can't afford for either spouse to retire.

It absolutely is his right to retire, but it is also the wife's right to voice her concern or unhappiness over it, especially since it directly impacts her if she has to work additional years beyond what she planned on because of it (ie they could have both worked 2 more years, but because he's retiring now, she now has to work 4 more years instead). I would definitely be unhappy in a marriage where my husband told me something was none of my business and to "butt out", as one responder put it. I would be out of that marriage very fast. More than that, I would never have married someone who treated me with such disrespect in the first place.

My husband and I have a truly equal partnership. We don't make decisions without the other person. Neither of us makes the call by ourselves. We make it together. In this situation, we would sit down, look at all the numbers, talk about the emotional issues, and mutually compromise. Depending on what the real objections were, maybe that compromise would be that he agrees to do 2 hours worth of house/yard work per day, so I didn't have to do it after work. Maybe the compromise would be that he would volunteer 10 hours a week while I was at work, to get out of the house and stay active. And if the money was the issue, maybe it would be that he would find a way to bring in $500/month, either with a part time job, or selling his time, or a hobby, or whatever. Maybe all of the above. That is the nature of compromise. Or maybe after looking at everything, we would decide we could both retire, or alternately, that we both needed to work another 2 years.

My husband and I have never had a situation where we didn't come to an agreement, and we've been together for 22 years now. I could never have married someone who didn't respect my opinion, and who was not willing to compromise. I'm aware that what I have is special, and that not everyone is in an equal partnership. But given the options you laid out above, if I was disrespected in this way, I would take option 3.
Sorry, we're talking about someone's life here. Could you really live with yourself if your "forced" your spouse to work beyond what they wanted to work and then they died at their desk (or just after retirement). You would have effectively denied them the ability to enjoy their earned respite from a lifetime of work for your own selfish reasons.

Spare us the history lesson on retirement. What relevance does that have. We're not living 100 years ago. We're living today. Retirement is very much a part of our culture. Your argument is akin to the people who say children should not leave home after school because in some other part of the world, children stay until they are married. So what?

I believe in marriage equality and partnerships too. I think spouses should discuss options, and consider he other spouse's perspective (male or female) but ultimately some decisions are personal. When I've had enough s a personal decision.
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