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Old 05-19-2015, 05:43 AM
 
674 posts, read 839,994 times
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[quote=Dave_n_Tenn;39662009] She did tell me the idea of taking money out of retirement/savings scares her because, for so many years we've been saving. Well what's the alternative... just to keep working indefinitely? That ain't happening.

I have been programmed to save all my life. From my very first paycheck. And the thrill of seeing our money increase in those accounts! So, all of a sudden to not have them increase, but actually decrease is very scary. Psychologically I know that the reason we saved all of our lives is to be able to use the money during retirement, but that doesn't help. I still don't like withdrawing the money.

Not all of us are fortunate to have pensions. Many on the board have defined pensions and between that and their social security they don't have to withdraw anything. Some even state they actually save some between SS and pension. I am not one of those. We worked hard and saved what we will use for retirement.

What made is easier for me is the constant checking and re-checking of our portfolio on many online retirement sites and having a financial professional show us that we should be ok. Will we have lots to leave to our children? Not if we live a long life. But we should have enough for ourselves to continue to live the lifestyle we have lived. That means having an active social life, visiting our children and maybe throwing in a cruise or something similar every couple of years. We rather take trips to visit our children & friends. We don't have the travel bug as we were fortunate to travel during our lives and even lived abroad for a couple of years.

In our situation we retired early (59 & 61) when my husband was laid off. We moved to a lower cost of living state where my home is actually larger than what I had and brand new. Taxes are literally 1/10th what I was paying. My husband does some consulting work which really helps defray our retirement withdrawals. But so far we are doing just fine and loving (LOVING) retirement.



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Old 05-19-2015, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,787 posts, read 7,710,113 times
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I think she is really overstepping her ground. From what you say, it seems that you clearly have the means to retire. If you want to retire its your business, not hers. Tell her to butt out. I cannot imagine going to work only because my wife told me I had to. On the other hand, if my wife said she was ready to retire, and we could afford it, I'd be 100% supportive. The reality is that we all hit the wall when we are ready to be done with it. Nobody else should tell us when that is.
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Old 05-19-2015, 07:19 AM
 
733 posts, read 651,096 times
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62 is early. Maybe she's seen people retire early and just "hang around."

Look up "retired husband syndrome" or something like that - it's mainly about how Japanese women are impacted by the "salaryman's" retirement - but I think it speaks to fears many women have about "husband underfoot syndrome."

I'm not saying anyone is "right" or "justified" - just trying to show you she may be framing your retirement in a certain way.
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Old 05-19-2015, 07:44 AM
 
Location: CT
3,461 posts, read 1,856,983 times
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Six years age difference doesn't seem that great, but think of the difference between you at 7 years old and 13 years old, very different stages in life. At seven your into legos and cartoons, by thirteen its more like girls and sports (although I could be talking about men at any age 13- 80) I think its the same when you're 56 and looking at ten more years of working potential and 62, so this is a milestone you both need to discuss and resolve. IMHO there's no right or wrong answer, its a family decision, and if you have a healthy relationship, you'll work it out.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,557,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Let her keep on working and you can retire! Nothing wrong with that.
My parents did that. My mother loved her job. My father did not and his work was very stressful and bad for his health. I have no doubt that he would have died younger had he not retired when he did. And she would have been very unhappy had she retired young.

To be honest, it was hard for them to work through their personal foibles about what was an enormous change to their daily routine. Especially as it came for them (as it is for you) just as they become empty-nesters, which is also a big change for married couples who raised children. My folks later had a second crisis time when she finally retired years after he had and she suddenly wanted his attention all day when he wanted to be with his buddies doing the retirement things he was enjoying without her.

You have to be honest with each other about your feelings, but there is no right and wrong about this. You worked and saved and are entitled to retire since you can afford it and want to. If she wants to keep working (or spending), she's also entitled to do that. Retirement doesn't have to be some time where you walk down some golden path of leisure and bliss hand-in-hand. Do your own things; give each other space and respect. Share the home responsibilities equitably, make some time to be together each day.

Good luck.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Sarasota, FL
2,636 posts, read 1,547,110 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seasick View Post
62 is early. Maybe she's seen people retire early and just "hang around."

Look up "retired husband syndrome" or something like that - it's mainly about how Japanese women are impacted by the "salaryman's" retirement - but I think it speaks to fears many women have about "husband underfoot syndrome."

I'm not saying anyone is "right" or "justified" - just trying to show you she may be framing your retirement in a certain way.
Its natural to be concerned about lifestyle changes, particularly if the wife will remain working, and communication about the issues is crucial; but any woman (or man) who is disturbed about having her spouse "underfoot" either married the wrong person or married for the wrong reasons.

If a woman can't look forward to spending old age with her husband, that's her emotional issue not his, and it is supremely unfair to try to convince him to keep working until he dies on the job just because it makes her feel better. Bottom line: its everyone's right to decide for themselves when they want to stop working. A spouse who is uncomfortable with it should own their problem and look for his/her own solution.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,130 posts, read 45,653,323 times
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The reality of retirement is different from the fantasy, IMO. It is a shift from being involved to being an observer. Are you really ready to shift from a relevant guy to a guy who just watches the world go by?
You have a 56 year old wife who will be involved in her career for the immediate future, and in her mind, perhaps she thinks you will become boring, or out of touch with others in your circle.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:56 AM
 
761 posts, read 638,772 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
The reality of retirement is different from the fantasy, IMO. It is a shift from being involved to being an observer. Are you really ready to shift from a relevant guy to a guy who just watches the world go by?
You have a 56 year old wife who will be involved in her career for the immediate future, and in her mind, perhaps she thinks you will become boring, or out of touch with others in your circle.
I don't think he has to watch the world go by unless he wants to and when he retires he'll have that choice.

By staying mentally and physically active with community/church/friends or whatever, he'll help make the world turn and on his own terms.

Just my 2 cents. With inflation, worth a lot less than that. Lol
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:46 AM
 
1,056 posts, read 969,868 times
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Has the OP mentioned if his wife actually works outside the home? If she doesn't, at 56 and 6 years younger, most likely she will outlive the OP by many years and may be concerned that if the OP retires early that she will outlive your savings. Also, if she doesn't work outside the home and he retires at 62, covering medical insurance for 3 years for him and 9 years for her before Medicare kicks in might be a big concern for her. If she doesn't work outside the home, she might be concerned that he will sit around the house all day and completely disrupt her daily routines and generate more work for her.

I do think the OP needs to sit down with her to discuss more and get the actual reason or reasons for her concern; I can guarantee you she knows what the reasons are and isn't saying for whatever reason. The OP needs to get to the bottom of the reasons for her hesitation before the retiring decision is made.
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,407 posts, read 7,929,570 times
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John retired at 56 and his pension brings home more then when he was working so it was a no brainer for him to retire. He's been retired nearly two years now and he's much happier. I had some anxiety about it because I was not used to having someone around me all the time. I enjoy my alone time which is now very rare. I guess it's all in what you get used to. He was up helping his sister for two weeks and I have to admit that I missed him terribly. Change is often hard as we age and maybe your wife is reluctant to face the impact that it will have on her life OP. I plan on retiring before 62 and will have to ease into retirement gradually. John and I are still madly in love with each other but living together 24/7 poses some challenge. I'm sure we will master it. My advice is for you to just go ahead and retire. Your wife will adapt sooner or later. John does almost everything around the house now as I work crazy hours. I affectionately call him my man wife and I enjoy spoiling him and working for what ever he wants. Spoil your wife by cooking for her and doing all the house work. It really is nice If she wants to talk to me just have her send me a DM. I'll be glad to share some insights with her. Sometimes it's better woman to woman. It's a girl thing
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