U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-19-2015, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Boise, ID
8,043 posts, read 23,745,578 times
Reputation: 9334

Advertisements

I'm 2 years younger than my husband (so not a lot, but still younger).

I have to say that we have always talked about when WE would retire. I can't imagine one of us retiring while the other kept working. You either have enough saved for you both to retire, or you don't, and you should both keep working.

The only reason I could see this being acceptable would be if you have to stay at your job until a certain age to qualify for a pension. Then you work until at least that age. Or if one spouse just loves what they do so much that they want to work forever, but I don't get the impression that is the case here.

So if you were my husband and I had to keep working while you retired, I'd be pretty upset.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-19-2015, 10:53 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,881,871 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
The reality of retirement is different from the fantasy, IMO. It is a shift from being involved to being an observer. Are you really ready to shift from a relevant guy to a guy who just watches the world go by?
You have a 56 year old wife who will be involved in her career for the immediate future, and in her mind, perhaps she thinks you will become boring, or out of touch with others in your circle.
Very few of us ever really do more than watch the world go by. If work is all that makes you feel relevant then I hope it is a really good job. I think my life will have more meaning after retirement when I can do things that truly are important.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Sarasota, FL
2,637 posts, read 1,548,459 times
Reputation: 5012
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarvedTones View Post
Very few of us ever really do more than watch the world go by. If work is all that makes you feel relevant then I hope it is a really good job. I think my life will have more meaning after retirement when I can do things that truly are important.
Agreed -- I am very much looking forward to restructuring my life in ways that are meaningful to me, and not just because it pays a salary.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Sarasota, FL
2,637 posts, read 1,548,459 times
Reputation: 5012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacerta View Post
I'm 2 years younger than my husband (so not a lot, but still younger).

I have to say that we have always talked about when WE would retire. I can't imagine one of us retiring while the other kept working. You either have enough saved for you both to retire, or you don't, and you should both keep working.

The only reason I could see this being acceptable would be if you have to stay at your job until a certain age to qualify for a pension. Then you work until at least that age. Or if one spouse just loves what they do so much that they want to work forever, but I don't get the impression that is the case here.

So if you were my husband and I had to keep working while you retired, I'd be pretty upset.
So if the two of you decided that you were not ready financially to retire together, but he could retire now if you worked until you were the same age as his age at retirement, should he keep working even though he's older than you and has already worked longer?

Would it be unfair if you contributed the same number of working years as your husband? If you were my wife, I'd be pretty upset.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania & New Jersey
1,497 posts, read 3,537,597 times
Reputation: 1636
Spouse and I created our own weekend getaway retreat to read and discuss this book:
The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life
For us, it was very beneficial. Try it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 12:24 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,227,010 times
Reputation: 3330
Just when I get envious of couple with two incomes...come a thread about one spouse telling the other s/he shouldn't retire. Uh excuse me? If the OP wants to retire...he should retire. I'm not saying he shouldn't care about the wife's feelings, but care and retire.

Quote:
So now, she is to become the "ex" wife and I plan to retire next year at 63.
How much did that cost you? Did she get any of your 401K, or support. I have one co-worker who's working still at 72.....says he's ex gets half his pension. That's some mess.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 01:18 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,881,871 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickDD View Post
Spouse and I created our own weekend getaway retreat to read and discuss this book:
The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life
For us, it was very beneficial. Try it!
Ordered and on the way! I fear our different ideas about retirement could be the end of the marriage sometimes. It will help us to have a framework to start with.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 01:49 PM
 
Location: P.C.F
1,973 posts, read 1,645,166 times
Reputation: 1607
Sorry to hear this Dave.. But you worked no doubt your 42 years and if its all a go ( $$$$) , it should be a go... Work till your 68 for what ? So you cannot then , do what you could have done 6 years ago? You never know Dave but in six more years you could be DEAD or crippled.. I retired at 56.. It was a GO! I had worked HARD! and saved and planned and invested and for me ....It was a go... My wife ( 2nd marriage for both of us) kept working and she was older than me ..I brought the majority of the savings to the table The ONLY Pensions and Life Time Medical.... and she only worked a 4 days week in an office , I had worked in construction .. she had 3 day weekends every week..When they asked her to go full time ( asked her but expected it or she was to leave) she quit with my blessings.. We moved to Florida the next year.. Yuo have put your time in Dave..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
We have the means to retire but my wife says she wants me to keep working. I'm 6 yrs older than my wife and I'm 62. The last of our four kids just graduated college last week and has gotten the "talk" about "trying" to be financially independent by the end of the year. The financial guy says we're good to go without a ton of details. I do not plan to take SS now but let my wife claim my SS later 'cause I'm the higher income earner. We have two homes and one we rent out (vacation home) and do quite well, but hold a mortgage. The rent and the investment mortgage is a wash. We also have an income property and make a few bucks on that one. We will continue to rent our vacation home when not in use but capable of paying off the mortgage if necessary.... so it's not an issue.

Seems like the plan has come to fruition... but wait my wife says she's not ready for me to retire! Huh? whaa? why? Didn't see that one coming. So I ask why.... and the answers are all over the place so I suspect the "idea" of retiring scares her. She did tell me the idea of taking money out of retirement/savings scares her because, for so many years we've been saving. Well what's the alternative... just to keep working indefinitely? That ain't happening.

For those who have retired with a non retirement aged spouse or one who kept working... how did that work out? Was there any anxiety about one person retiring first?

I take care of things at home... in fact I designed and built our home so I'm on the plus side of competent. I do most of the cooking... just because I'm better at it. I'm and avid fisherman/boater... love the outdoors. Both of us in good health. Her job is in real estate so she has some flexibility and has an informal working partner who cover for each other. We cruise a lot, so she gets her cruise fix.

Where do we go from here? I'm ready, she's not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 02:03 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,978,960 times
Reputation: 18050
Hate to say it but that is something you and wife need to workout. Not knowing her makes it useless for me to advice. Plus you have to live with decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-19-2015, 02:08 PM
 
Location: San Diego
35,241 posts, read 32,197,534 times
Reputation: 19777
Do you have a large life insurance policy? If not, it could be anxiety about what will happen to her after you pass on. If you are already older than her she is probably doing the math in her head and worrying about money. My wife and I have already openly talked about that one, thus the big policy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top