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Old 05-19-2015, 02:22 PM
 
11,268 posts, read 8,436,427 times
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counselling?
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Old 05-19-2015, 02:56 PM
 
23 posts, read 53,756 times
Reputation: 74
Is it maybe a case of your wife lives to work and you worked to live? I plan to retire next year myself. I haven't been married 40+ years like a previous poster, but we are close to 28 years. If my wife doesn't want to stop working when I retire, she's welcome to continue. I'm done. I think we've placed too much emphasis on making a living making money for other people not just to survive, but to get more stuff than or like the next guy. If you're able to live happily within a lifestyle that's comfortable for you, do it. Enjoy life. If that means retiring and doing nothing, or staying busier than you ever have in your life volunteering, etc., do it. I have talked to a few retired colleagues. Most view it as the right decision. For the most part they are busier (and happier, healthier) than when on the job. Even the ones that left basically kicking and screaming. I've only come across one exception to the rule within my profession. Good luck!
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Old 05-19-2015, 03:19 PM
Status: "The nicest curve on a woman's body is her smile" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Florida/Tennessee
2,427 posts, read 4,314,656 times
Reputation: 1304
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickDD View Post
Spouse and I created our own weekend getaway retreat to read and discuss this book:
The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life
For us, it was very beneficial. Try it!
Gettin' the book. Thanks for the link!

I'll get book and bring it with us, on our long get-a-way weekend planned for our anniversary in July. We do something every year, different, together, with the boat, on the water.
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Old 05-19-2015, 03:27 PM
Status: "The nicest curve on a woman's body is her smile" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Florida/Tennessee
2,427 posts, read 4,314,656 times
Reputation: 1304
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
counselling?
No... unless it involves beer and wine.... maybe some fire and water and some bait, or maybe some shrimp and fish... or mountains and a hot tub.

We're solid... just work on lovin' and livin'. Y'all must watch a lot of reality shows ... not you personally hunter but ....dayum some of the responses and PM's.
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Old 05-19-2015, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41489
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdflk View Post

How much did that cost you? Did she get any of your 401K, or support. I have one co-worker who's working still at 72.....says he's ex gets half his pension. That's some mess.
I'm surprised that you are surprised. I believe that splitting the pension is pretty standard in a divorce (in joint property states).
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Old 05-19-2015, 04:46 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,167 posts, read 1,267,777 times
Reputation: 4465
My wife is 5 years older than me (she's 62) and retired over 7 years ago. I had no qualms about it at all. Only YOU can decide when YOU have to retire. Just like only YOU can decide if YOU have enough money and security, for any circumstances. I told her that I was fine with her decision, but that most likely meant I would have to work a few more years to compensate for her lost income. She's not happy that she will be maybe 68 or 69 before I retire for good, but the facts are the facts. I have no trouble downsizing and reducing our standard of living if I wanted to retire earlier, but she wouldn't be happy (though she has said many times, do what you want, and we'll compensate)...and since this is both our 3rd marriage, we understand compromise, and not wanting to start over with half of what we planned on! I'm not ready to retire any time before 62, but you're there so go for it if that's what you want.
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:29 PM
 
511 posts, read 384,930 times
Reputation: 526
You've done very well for yourself, seems you could've retired a while back.

So this appears only about greed? I'd just ignore her, what she is expecting is cruel

You paid your dues. And when she pays hers, or wants to retire, then she can do so

without your input.

JMHO
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Old 05-19-2015, 05:50 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,880,277 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by califlorida2 View Post
Is it maybe a case of your wife lives to work and you worked to live? I plan to retire next year myself. I haven't been married 40+ years like a previous poster, but we are close to 28 years. If my wife doesn't want to stop working when I retire, she's welcome to continue. I'm done. I think we've placed too much emphasis on making a living making money for other people not just to survive, but to get more stuff than or like the next guy. If you're able to live happily within a lifestyle that's comfortable for you, do it. Enjoy life. If that means retiring and doing nothing, or staying busier than you ever have in your life volunteering, etc., do it. I have talked to a few retired colleagues. Most view it as the right decision. For the most part they are busier (and happier, healthier) than when on the job. Even the ones that left basically kicking and screaming. I've only come across one exception to the rule within my profession. Good luck!
I have met very few people unhappy with retirement also. I have called out a couple of people who trot out the claim that so many people are unhappy by asking them to actually name these people and and asking about parents and older relatives they know that are retired and asking "happy or not about retirement" and it turns out that a few people actually know someone who didn't like retiring, but most really don't.
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Old 05-19-2015, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Montana
1,752 posts, read 1,655,917 times
Reputation: 5951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
...and since this is both our 3rd marriage, we understand compromise, ...
Completely off topic, but when my oldest son got married, they videotaped all the relatives giving some bit of sage wisdom.

My dad said this:

"John the secret to a happy marriage is to compromise. For example, a few years back I wanted to get a dog, but your grandmother wanted to get a cat, so we compromised and we got a cat."

That still makes me laugh to this day.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:06 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,880,277 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuck's Dad View Post
Completely off topic, but when my oldest son got married, they videotaped all the relatives giving some bit of sage wisdom.

My dad said this:

"John the secret to a happy marriage is to compromise. For example, a few years back I wanted to get a dog, but your grandmother wanted to get a cat, so we compromised and we got a cat."

That still makes me laugh to this day.
After a few dozen compromises like that it gets old. Feeling particularly bitter about following advice like that right now; it isn't always this bad. But I think truly equal partnerships are better.
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