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Old 05-19-2015, 10:13 PM
 
2,429 posts, read 3,230,899 times
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Quote:
I'm surprised that you are surprised. I believe that splitting the pension is pretty standard in a divorce (in joint property states).
I'm not surprised I just don't think it's fair.
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Old 05-20-2015, 12:00 AM
 
14,275 posts, read 24,033,616 times
Reputation: 20106
My father wanted to retire at 58. My mother said no. Finally, at 61, he told her that he was retiring at the end of the year, period, no discussion. Why not? He was tired of lifting 50-100# may times daily and the like.

My mother was concerned that they would out of money in retirement. And they might have had she continued spending so much on the grandchildren and the "economic outpatient care" to some of my siblings.

When she passed, my father eliminated a lot of the spending and is now in host 24th year of retirement with a nice nest egg.

For me, it took a long weekend to convince my wife that we both retire early and 3-5 years earlier than expected.
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Old 05-20-2015, 12:21 AM
 
Location: Montana
1,754 posts, read 1,660,822 times
Reputation: 5961
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarvedTones View Post
After a few dozen compromises like that it gets old. Feeling particularly bitter about following advice like that right now; it isn't always this bad. But I think truly equal partnerships are better.
It was a joke.
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Old 05-20-2015, 03:31 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,847 posts, read 19,954,681 times
Reputation: 23297
Is it at all possible that there's some jealousy involved and she doesn't like the idea that you will be retired and free while she still "has" to work?
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Old 05-20-2015, 04:01 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,887,120 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuck's Dad View Post
It was a joke.
I realize that, but underneath it was an actual suggestion that letting the wife always have her way makes a marriage work better. IME, it only appears better.
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Old 05-20-2015, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Portland, OR
9,608 posts, read 9,861,333 times
Reputation: 9238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
No... unless it involves beer and wine.... maybe some fire and water and some bait, or maybe some shrimp and fish... or mountains and a hot tub.

We're solid... just work on lovin' and livin'. Y'all must watch a lot of reality shows ... not you personally hunter but ....dayum some of the responses and PM's.
You can't really blame them, Dave. I've been following this thread for a few days and I share their frustration at your repeated characterization of your relationship as "solid" but with no supporting evidence. You say your wife's reasons for wanting you to keep working are "all over the place". Some examples would be nice. You say she goes with you to your numbers guy. I assume then that she has heard from an independent authority that your financial goals have been met. So why is she gold-bricking? Leads to wild speculation when all you are is a punter on the sidelines like everyone here (except you) is. Maybe you should bring your wife in on this. We want to talk to her. Hear her side. If it isn't prying too much... what work do you do? Why do you want to retire early, and 62 is "early" by the standards of the Social Security Administration? Not saying you shouldn't or can't, but why? It's a fair question, I think.
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Old 05-20-2015, 03:53 PM
 
199 posts, read 111,093 times
Reputation: 281
You said: She's worried about switching from a savings mode to a spending-the-savings mode. My take: You have been her rock all of this time. She knows the husband typically dies first while the widow lives quite a while longer. She fears there will be no money for her when you're gone and thus unable to help her. So get a life insurance policy, if you don't have one, payable to her at your death. That's what they are for. They are for couples who have concerns that the widow will not otherwise have enough money to take her to her finish line. Such fear is not new. It's as old as the hills. She might not know how to express it well, and maybe she fears what she says will come out looking terrible, as if she doesn't want you to live your life *today* if the cost is her widowed tomorrow. You might assume this doesn't make any sense when you have two homes and investment property that she could have. Well, women's emotions can cloud that math.
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Old 05-20-2015, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,817 posts, read 4,862,439 times
Reputation: 19538
What the previous poster ^^^^ says may be the sticking point. The wife may be worried about being left with less than what she needs to get by. I know you have good investments, but is there a plan for her, and a cash flow plan for your life and her life after you are gone? This might be what is missing to set her ind at rest.
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Old 05-20-2015, 06:08 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,174 posts, read 1,273,469 times
Reputation: 4497
Quote:
Originally Posted by sylvianfisher View Post
You have been her rock all of this time........maybe she fears what she says will come out looking terrible, as if she doesn't want you to live your life *today* if the cost is her widowed tomorrow. You might assume this doesn't make any sense when you have two homes and investment property that she could have. Well, women's emotions can cloud that math.
Of course, if this is the case, then she IS actually saying that. All the math and showing graphs will likely not convince her. Just because you have provided a secure future in that scenario, doesn't mean she th nks she is capable of successfully navigating it, especially if you have always handled the investing. My wife would be the exact same way, except she is 5 years older and convinced that she will die first. I will go the life insurance route the first few years, most likely.

Last edited by Perryinva; 05-20-2015 at 06:46 PM..
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Old 05-20-2015, 07:56 PM
 
16 posts, read 10,011 times
Reputation: 28
When a person's answers and excuses are "all over the place" it usually means they are not being honest.

Many wives dislike the notion of their husbands retiring if it means he is going to be at home and underfoot a all day. Having a husband is nicer when he's off at work making money, and wifey can spend her time as she chooses.
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